


Away

by symphonia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Together, M/M, Romance, love in its many forms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 54,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symphonia/pseuds/symphonia
Summary: It started on a cloudy day in the middle of September.A new patient arrived at the Haruyama Caring Center, it was a twenty-three year old boy who had been in various rehabilitation and nursing facilities since the age of nineteen. Keiji read the medical report and expected to receive a significantly dependent patient due to the nature of his illness; he was surprised instead with a mostly independent young boy who had a small impairment on his walking.And that was it for first impressions.But first impressions weren’t always right. He had been working as a nurse for four years and, even if short, this had been enough time for him to acknowledge that things weren’t all how they seemed to be. Enough time to realize that life was just a beautiful mystery with it's own rules, no matter who you were.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 16
Kudos: 29





	1. Away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving this story a chance.
> 
> Chapter one contains the whole story, chapter two is the afterword.

**“A wise old owl sat on an oak;**  
**The more he saw the less he spoke;**  
**The less he spoke the more he heard;**  
**Now, wasn’t he a wise old bird?”**

  
_“I don’t want to be your first option.”_

_The room went quiet, but the silence was not enough to make Keiji hesitate. He stared directly into Kuroo’s eyes, hoping that Kuroo understood the weight of the words he conveyed. Keiji was not looking for an argument, this matter was not up for debate anymore._

_“What?” Kuroo answered, a slight non-concerning smile played in his face, dumbfounded. “Look, if this is about last night...”_

_“I mean it.” He quickly cut off while massaging his temples, trying to look for the right words to say. Nothing seemed polite enough, and for once, he was tired of being polite. “I understand.” Keiji continued, “He needs you, he really does. And you need him as well; you’ve been together for so long it doesn’t really matter what I have to do with all of this, so please don't make this more difficult than it already is.”_

_Words were severe this time as they bursted out of his mouth. He felt uneasy and ready to leave as soon as possible; the place that he once loved was now making him feel unwelcome._

_“You can't be serious, are you?” Kuroo asked, and a bitter grin grew on his mouth. He was getting more and more into disbelief as time passed. “Is that how little this means to you? You just give up after one fight?” By the sound of his voice, Keiji could tell just how much this upset him. Kuroo was not normally a confrontational person, he knew what Kuroo wanted to get past the awfully solid façade Keiji always managed to keep on. Yet, he hoped the other man knew better than to keep pushing on the subject._

_Keiji had always been a patient person, but he was never strong enough to keep himself from blurting out his true feelings once he felt really overwhelmed. Kuroo was probably waiting for him to falter by letting him believe that he was confronting him._

_And yet, Kuroo’s intentions were so transparent: He desperately wished that these words he blurted out weren’t his true feelings, while Keiji just hoped he wasn't hurting Kuroo as much as he was hurting himself, he hoped they were going to be able to step aside and be each the bigger person in this story._

_“Yes, I am. I’m giving up on this,” is the only answer Kuroo received, portraying no emotion by Kuroo's earlier outburst. He stepped to the door with a firm conviction: he was not falling for Kuroo's attempts to make him change his mind. Not now, not ever again._

_“Are you sure you’re not just running away again?” Kuroo clicked his tongue as the other man got closer to the door, turning away from him “Because you can’t even look at me in the eye to break up.”_

_He was not falling for it, he couldn’t afford to._

_“Be a fucking man and break up with me to my face, Keiji!” Kuroo yelled while clenching his fists, and Keiji flinched at the abrupt sound, “... So I can give up on you too!” With a sore throat, an unstable voice, Kuroo was no longer trying to compose or calm himself down anymore. As he always told Keiji, he just wanted honesty from the person he loved._

_Keiji —with all the strength he had gathered to do this once for all—, was expecting anything but this outcome. Kuroo was angry at him and many other things but, more than anything, Kuroo looked hurt. Staring back with the coldest eyes Keiji had ever seen this man pull. He never thought he would see such a tragic view: Kuroo looked like he was looking for some regret in Keiji's actions, but found none._

_All Keiji had to give was bitter and cold-hearted hate, only aimed at himself. He looked into his eyes once more and said,_

_"I’m breaking up with you. So, please...Please, give up on me too.”_

_And just like that, Keiji stepped out of Kuroo's apartment, followed by the loud bang of the door closing behind him._

_The second he stood outside, he knew it was going to be the last time he did. The last time of many nights that he had left upset by meaningless fights, and also the last of many mornings in which he would have given everything to stay for a few more minutes before he had to go to work._

_And as he stepped down the stairs, he swore he wouldn’t cry. He swore while tears started falling down his face._

_While going home he felt flagrant but fairly sure that this was the right thing to do. Keiji knew this more than anyone and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to feel good about it. He tried to tell himself it was for the best, one time after another. It still hurt while he closed the entrance door of his apartment and just let himself fall flat on the couch._

_It hurt, but he wasn’t regretting his decision. He was a man of his word and he intended to keep it that way for as long as he could._

_As he looked up at the clock hanging from the living room wall, he felt lost. Just how much time has passed since he left Kuroo’s apartment? The whole trip to his own home felt somehow like a vivid dream. He was tired, he knew that much, but he didn’t even begin to understand how three hours went by in a matter of seconds._

_The lights stayed off and he as well stayed on the couch, feeling way too heavy to move to his bedroom. The only recurring gleam in the room came from his phone screen as he scrolled through his messages. There were about two hundred messages from Kuroo from the first time they exchanged numbers until now. He selected them one by one and pressed 'delete', leaving no remaining proof of his casual and mostly silly expressions of affection. He thought about deleting his contact info as well, but he was aware he may need it in the future because of his job._

_‘Deleting’ a person from one's life was something highly inconvenient but necessary, yet it still ached to keep them around as if nothing had happened as well._

_And how much had happened in those six months._

_As he turned the phone screen off, he felt like the darkness started messing with his senses altogether. He let his body rest on the couch and his right arm fell over, almost touching the floor; the warmth of his face slowly burned him down into dizziness. He wanted to scream, to curse at himself and everything else in this world that made him this miserable, but words wouldn’t come out of his lips._

_No words, just loud, pitiful sobbing. “Nothing but honesty”, came once again to his mind, feeling regret only about the fact that he wasn’t able to grant the sole thing the man he loved asked from him._

_The clock hit 4AM when he finally fell asleep._

  
________  


On a cloudy day in the middle of September, a new patient arrived at the Haruyama Caring Center, it was a twenty-three year old boy who had been in various rehabilitation and nursing facilities since the age of nineteen. The reason for his arrival was a degenerative neurological disease causing malfunctions on some lobes of his brain, acute on its left side. In a matter of months, it unleashed a rapidly progressive short-memory loss that deteriorated even more in absence of social interaction. 

It was an odd illness on its own, so being diagnosed with it at such a young age made it very difficult for his doctors to give a positive prospect of life for him. His parents were aware of the frail health his son had for a long time, but they never expected the ailment to progress that quickly. By the time he graduated, he could barely recognize half of his classmates.  
  
Keiji read the medical report and expected to receive a significantly dependent patient due to the nature of his illness; he was surprised instead with a mostly independent young boy who had a small impairment on his walking. 

And that was it for first impressions.

But first impressions weren’t always right. He had been working as a nurse for four years and, even if short, this had been enough time for him to acknowledge that things weren’t all how they seemed to be. It was a difficult job and he couldn’t say that they weren’t times when he would be at the edge of exhaustion and desertion. But the longer he spent on it, the more convinced he was that this was his calling in life.

The new patient was called Kozume Kenma. He had average height and a slender build, golden eyes and long hair that covered up to the rim of his jaw. Kenma was wearing a red sweater and black jeans the day he arrived. It surprised Keiji to see the bleached ends of his hair, ones that he would commonly see on carefree teenagers, but the visible black roots explained that it had been a long time since then. All of his appearance could tell a story in itself.

Keiji wondered what this boy was like before being diagnosed. 

It was heartbreaking just to think about it, even if he wasn't one to empathize with ‘common’ teenagers to begin with, maybe it was the idea of youth being taken away from you forever that striked Keiji the most. 

Along with Kenma came his parents and a significantly taller man who he was told was a family friend. All of them were very concerned about the rules and cautions of being placed in this center. This was a relief for the nurse. In the past he had to deal with irreverent relatives that couldn't care less for how things worked around there, and somehow managed to not only make his work harder, but to make the patient’s recovery more difficult in terms of communication.

“He’s a quiet boy so he won’t be a problem for you, Akaashi-san. He does get anxious when he can’t convey his thoughts well, so please be patient with him when this happens.” His mother said to Keiji in private, while the rest of the visitors had been busy saying goodbye to Kenma.

Keiji smiled at her and gently shook his head. “No need to worry. I’m here to take care of your son, Kozume-san, he would be by no means a problem of any sort to me.” he carefully explained. “Is there anything else you would like me to know about him or his behavior?” 

Kenma’s mother thought for a second, then replied “He sometimes forgets to bring his cane along with him when he walks around. I’m sure you know about his illness more than we do, but as told, forgetting stuff is pretty much a daily occurrence for him.”

He nodded “I’m aware. I will be paying close attention when he moves around the center.”

She smiled once more, a gesture not triggered by happiness but relief of being listened to and understood. “I’m glad he gets to have a gentle person like you to look after him. Please take good care of my son.” she finished, with a polite bow.

“Oh… And one more thing,” she said in a quieter voice, her smile slowly vanishing from her lips, as if coming back to a common problematic topic when dealing with people like Keiji. “Tetsu-chan… I mean Kuroo-san, he’s been a good friend of Kenma’s for several years, he’s like family to us. We know he’s not legally allowed but, if you would please let him stay during visiting hours as a relative, we would be really grateful. It's for Kenma’s sake.”

Turning around he caught a glimpse of the man she was referring to; he was smiling at Kenma while teasing him with words and gestures. Kenma didn’t seem to mind and calmly replied to him only when it seemed necessary, sometimes Kenma would even take his eyes off the game console and narrow them at Kuroo, in a more friendly tone. “I will need you to sign a permit for him to enter and I can take care of it during my working hours, but I am afraid I won’t be able to do anything while off-duty by night shifts and on weekends.”

“That’s already more than enough, Akaashi-san. Thank you so much.”

And with those words, followed by final goodbyes, he was left alone in the room with the quiet boy sitting in one of the chairs next to the bed, still playing games.

“Kozume-san. If there’s anything you need please be sure to let me know, okay?” he made sure to speak clearly and loud enough for him to hear him over the sounds of the console “You can call me by pressing the button in the wall if I’m not around.”

Keiji guessed he wasn’t getting a response, the boy seemed to be way too absorbed in his game to pay attention to him. And as he expected, when Keiji finished speaking, he just nodded and continued playing. Keiji calmly took a chair and placed it in front of him, keeping a conscious distance from Kenma in order not to make him feel uncomfortable.

He sat in front of him and waited patiently. In a few seconds the boy seemed to have lost the match he was playing and Keiji finally got his attention. “Did you catch everything I said?”

The boy nodded once more, not even sparing him a look.

“Kozume-san. I am certainly sure you can speak up and reply to me, so please do. I don’t mean to be rude or overly strict, I just hope we can communicate better that way.”

Kenma opened his eyes slightly wider and looked at him. “... Okay.” He finally replied.

Keiji let out a small smile. It was then that he noticed a peculiar trait about him: Even when Kenma hadn’t started a new game again, he kept moving his fingers as if he was playing, fidgeting. “That’s great, thank you. Also, Kozume-san is it okay for me to call you by your first name? We’re just two years apart from each other, so I think formalities might be unnecessary, if that is okay with you.” he put forward, never taking his eyes away from the boy in front of him. “Is that okay with you?”

Pressing the left button of the console, Kenma started playing again. “It’s okay,” he replied.

“That’s great. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together, so let’s get along from now on, Kenma” Keiji felt satisfied with his actions, and when he was about to stand up again to resume his activities, he heard the younger boy again, his voice soft as ever.

“... Name?” he asked, without turning his sight away from the game.

Keiji blinked twice before realizing he had not fully introduced himself yet. Tapping twice at his uniform badge. “Akaashi.”

“Your first name.”

“... Keiji.”

He replied.

Keiji was in charge of two patients besides Kenma, but without a doubt he was the one who required most of his attention during the day. Not because he was in need of medical assistance, but rather because communication was key for his well-being.

Little by little he started discovering the right way to approach him, —not only what he should and should not do in order to make him feel as comfortable as possible—, but also encouraging him into conversation and interaction to stimulate said ability to its fullest. He spent all the time he could with him when he wasn't taking care of the two other patients and their treatments. 

And because of this, eventually, he found out why Kenma’s mother had insisted on letting his friend visit him in the family visiting hour schedule.

If communication was key to Kenma’s health, Kuroo was making sure to help as much as he could. He would go to the Center every evening and refuse to leave until it was the end of the visiting hours. He went every week, every single day without fault, missing only a few days every two weeks when his shifts changed at work.

Before he knew it, it became a common occurrence for Keiji to see Kuroo everyday at 4pm entering Kenma’s room after signing in at the counter. The man always seemed to portray a natural good mood, he even left at night around 8pm with the exact same smile on his face.

He couldn’t say he wasn’t thankful for his presence, since he made company to the boy when he was on duty with other patients, and in general, Kenma had a good response to him. However, thanks to Kenma, Keiji was aware that it wasn’t always like that.

Dealing with Kenma was something completely new to him after all. He learned quickly that along with his condition, he would have to manage that there were better days than others.

On good days, Keiji would come around 12pm into the boy’s room and have a little chat while giving him the medication prescribed on the records. Their talks would usually go along Keiji’s focus questions and Kenma’s simple answers. Answers that, while for many might had sound plain and uninterested (because he didn’t turn his attention away from any of the many devices he had and instead he just listened to him while playing with his fingers), were actually quite due to his character and condition.

Later Kenma would get out of his bedroom and hurry to go outside along with him. Keiji always reminded him to bring his cane along, a cane that had way too many cat stickers in Keijii’s opinion.

They would go to the cafeteria and Keiji would tell him more about his job and how the other nurses were excited to meet Kenma. If he was lucky enough, he would even hear something similar to a laugh coming from him caused by a silly story of Keiji’s nuisance during his first year of work.

Kenma would talk to him about his life only if Keiji asked questions that needed short responses, since a more elaborated answer would usually end up in the middle of the story with a confused Kenma trying to put order to his thoughts or just forgetting what he was talking about in the first place. If it made him feel anxious, Keiji would stop and instead, he would start to ask questions that he would feel more confident answering in short sentences. He even found out it was easier for Kenma to remember situations if Keiji helped with the context and course of the story.

Later Keiji would leave Kenma for lunch and care for his oldest patient, Mrs.Ogata. She had a major movement impairment, so Keiji had to help her eat. When he finished, he made sure that she would take all her medicine before she fell back asleep.

She was about eighty-five years old but Keiji was always amazed by her joyful and cheerful personality.

Next, he would take Kenma’s medicine to the library, finding him always sitting next to the window, either playing a game on his phone or looking outside at the kids playing in the backyard common area.

After taking his medicine, they would talk some more or Kenma would ask him for the same book to read over and over again. It never occurred to Keiji to ask if this was a conscious decision or just out of spite.

Sometimes they would even go for a walk in the garden together.

“He should be here soon,” Keiji would say when it was about 4pm. Kenma, without missing a second would stand up, take his cane (that he never forgot once when it was 4pm) and leave the small library. It always surprised him how determined he was with things that involved Kuroo, even if he didn’t let Kuroo himself know about it.

It was one time in that same library that Keiji asked about his relationship with Kuroo. Kenma had replied more firmly than ever: “We’ve been together for a very long time.” Keiji didn’t know how to take his answer, but since he was so direct about it he assumed that Kuroo was in fact his significant other. “Kuroo is a good person, he won’t leave me even if I ask him to. He’s a good person... But he’s an idiot.”

In a few minutes Kuroo would step at the door and greet everyone as they became more familiar with him over time. Keiji would make sure Kenma was okay with his presence and then leave to take care of the rest of his duties, as it was under his responsibility that Kuroo was allowed to enter. He would come back around 7pm, join the conversation they were having and encourage Kenma to talk as much as he did when they were alone, but he never got the same response. Keiji then assumed Kenma was more comfortable when there were less people around.

Later he would take note of his vital signs, give him the last medications of the day and politely ask Kuroo to leave when the visiting hours had ended.

Days like these would go by smoothly, and made him feel satisfied with Kenma’s treatment.

But unfortunately, those were only the good days.

On bad days everything would become silence, frustration and struggle.

It would start by Kenma refusing to take his medicine or to make any sort of contact with people (Keiji included), making the nurse try any strategy he could come up with to make Kenma cooperate. As his confusion persisted, Kenma would reject it with all his might. It was a painful sight, but Keiji had to be stronger and make it work anyways, for Kenma’s own sake.

Kenma would spend hours in bed, staring at the wall completely static or sometimes lightly humming a mindless tune, making intelligible notes on his hands or on napkins, and reading them over and over again. His appearance was the weakest then, like a lost fawn in the woods, afraid of everything and everyone that came his way.

Keiji would try and ask him very simple questions, getting absolutely no answer. And then he would lightly rest his palms on the end of the bed and look at him straight in the eye, repeating the same questions.

“Kenma, would you speak to me for a second?” he would start, “Do you know who I am?” he would ask then and tap twice at his uniform badge with his surname written on it, hoping it could be a token for triggering memories.

After a short while Kenma would react in two possible ways: come back to his senses and reply with a nod or a short “yes” along with unceasing tears pouring down his eyes, Keijii would hug him if needed and comfort the boy until he calmed down.

Other times it was absolutely useless and, no matter how hard he tried, there was no answer coming from Kenma. Those days he made sure everything was okay with his physical health before resuming the rest of his obligations and leaving the room. He would later try a few times more to 'reset’ with the trigger he came up with, and stop if he started to feel irritated.

He would come back once in a while and talk shortly to him, trying not to make him feel uncomfortable but making sure he knew he was being taken care of.

Getting him to eat was another struggle that usually ended with a very restless Kenma refusing to do it. Most of the time he would spend nearly two hours getting him to eat, and after a while, Keiji would leave and leave him to rest, sometimes hearing sobbing when he shut the door behind him.

Kuroo’s visit would either be a relief or a bigger problem. When he crossed the entrance gates Keiji would say “It’s a bad day”, and Kuroo would instantly know what was going on.

He would enter the room and try to talk to him, getting different responses every time. From good to bad, Kuroo would take it all and collaborate with the process.

These especially bad days, Kuroo would stay at the center even if he wasn’t allowed to see Kenma, asking Keiji more about the situation and if there was any way he could help. Keiji would calmly explain how this kind of behavior was normal in consideration of his ailment, and that the best thing for Kenma was not to be disturbed.

It was a painful situation for Kuroo and he could see it. The days where Kenma’s response was considerably bad, Kuroo would look like he was about to cry and Keiji would patiently try with encouraging words until he regained his composure.

On these days, he admired Kuroo’s strength towards this situation. How he was able to smile that brightly again for Kenma, like everything was going to work out in the end.

“You’re so close to him now, it’s amazing. This guy wouldn’t talk to anyone in school if it wasn’t necessary and you got him to talk to you in... How long has it been? A few weeks, a month maybe.” Kuroo said one day from the other side of the empty lobby, while Keiji was organizing some medical records.

“My job is to be there for my patients when they need me.” Keiji said while writing something in a wide planner, “so I do everything I can to help with their recovery… Even if I cannot be of much help in this situation, I’m glad Kenma had opened up to me a little.” He finished the sentence in a lower tone, almost like he was annoyed at himself for it only to be ‘a little’. And he was annoyed. On bad days, if it wasn’t ‘a little’, he could maybe come up with a way to bring Kenma back.

Kuroo kept silent for a while and then spoke up, raising his eyebrows along with the pitch of his voice. “You’re growing fond of him, aren’t you?”

Keiji stopped for a few seconds but quickly resumed his actions. “What makes you say that, Kuroo-san?”

“...You look quite hurt too.”

And his words made Keiji feel like he had come to a dead-end conclusion. But he said nothing.

  
On days like this he would get to know more things about Kuroo as well. He found out he was a pharmacologist, and that he worked in a lab a few minutes away from there. He found out he had known Kenma for about fifteen years since they used to be neighbors, also that they grew up together and went to the same schools.

He heard from Kuroo that Kenma had always been a shy introverted boy who never got along very well with the rest of his classmates. He heard about his health worsening during his teenage years and taking a critical turn when he turned eighteen. 

He found out that Kenma had been Kuroo’s first love, although he only confessed it to him in his junior year of high school, and that Kenma had accepted his feelings towards him, in some way.

“We’ve been together since we’re kids, we were like brothers and we're both guys, but Kenma… Kenma didn’t seem to mind when I told him how I felt, he just went along with it. Sometimes I think he’s just too good of a person and I’m taking advantage of it,” he said with an amused smile. Keiji took all the records and placed them inside a box with a name tag on the side.

“It’s good to know that you both think the same way about each other.”

“Huh?... Did he say anything about me?” Kuroo asked this time, rather interested and with a happier expression. "He never talks about these things at all, you have to tell me!"

“I’m just saying this, but I do respect my patient’s privacy so you’re not getting anything else out of me,” Keiji firmly said before the light assigned to the bedroom at the end of the hallway turned on. “I’ll be there right away, Ogata-san,” he said through the speaker line before hurrying into the hallway.

“Akaashi,” Kuroo called, making him stop a few steps ahead.

“What is it, Kuroo-san?”

“Thank you.”

Keiji nodded once and kept walking. On days like this, he would slowly realize about the warm feeling in his chest everytime he could make either one of them happy with small things.

Days had flown off the calendar and, little by little, Kenma’s mental health stabilised. His parents had come to visit him every once in a while during the week and usually would spend the whole weekend with him.

“You don’t have to come here that often,” Kenma said one afternoon while sitting on his desk at the corner of the room. His parents looked at each other perplexed and his mother laughed softly a few moments later. “We’re here to take care of our precious son, are you that bored of us already?” She gestured towards Kenma and then looked at Keiji. “The young ones sure are bold, right, Akaashi-san?”

Keiji had been putting clean sheets and blankets in the closet while more or less listening to the conversation. Surprised by Kenma’s words, he decided to give a quick glance at the boy before replying to his mother. "They do have strong opinions that we don't always understand, the young ones that is." he concluded to say, mimicking the tone she had used before to lighten his words.

Kenma was staring at the book, almost as if he could see his own hands and the table behind it, he could tell he was being perturbed by his own previous words as well, drumming his fingers on both sides of the table. At that glance, Keiji just nodded politely and closed the closet door, walking out of the room right after. He managed to hear the boy's words just before he closed the door.

“You’re tired. Keji is taking care of me, that’s his job.”

He remembered hearing something about his parents’ job from Kuroo a few days before. He told Keiji they have been working double time for the past three years to cover for Kenma’s health expenses, still they would find a way to spend as much time with Kenma as they could. 

After the door closed, Keiji heard Kenma’s mother crying. 

Unsure of what to do once outside, he stood in the hallway for a while asking himself why would Kenma say such a thing out of nowhere. He looked at the clock, his break was about to start.

“Is it a bad day?”

A low voice interrupted his thoughts, and found a concerned stare going straight in his direction: Kuroo had arrived early. He quickly shook his head to dismiss said question. “It isn’t, but I think you might want to wait before going inside.”

“Why? Is he upset or something? Is he sick?”

“Oh no, he is in perfect condition. He’s talking to his parents, so I think it’s better to give them some privacy.”

Kuroo kept quiet for a while and Keiji could tell that he was rather surprised. “He’s willingly talking to them?… How long has it been?” Kuroo rested one hand over his mouth and looked at the door, clearly losing himself in his thoughts. “He’s really getting better...”

Those words managed to catch Keiji unguarded. Kenma sure had improved a lot since he arrived but his ailment was still there and (up to the knowledge imparted to him) it was in no way curable. The best they could do was to proceed with the treatment in order to slow it down. Kenma wasn’t getting better but not worsening.

“Kuroo-san, would you mind joining me for a cup of coffee?”

Kuroo blinked a few times, resuming the conversation. “Is that okay? Don’t worry about me, I can wait outside...”

“I insist.” he said, with a rather confident look. He knew that if he left the other man alone there he would either enter the room anyways or worry more than he should while waiting outside. “There’s a coffee shop at the end of the street if I remember correctly, I’m on my break right now so it’s fine by me. Of course, if you don’t mind.”

“It's… I-it’s okay. Let’s go.”

Keiji grabbed a dark gray sweater hanging from the back of the chair behind the reception counter and left the place along with Kuroo without thinking too much into it. When Keiji stepped out the door, he was surprised by a light gray sky and a rather warm breeze. It was already fall. Being in the middle of October, days like these were quite pleasant.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had stepped out of the Haruyama Caring Center in the middle of the day. It felt odd but somehow interesting.

They entered the small coffee shop and along with the ring of the doorbell, a young lady greeted them with a big smile. Keiji asked the other man to choose a seat. They sat on a nearby table not really next to the window but not very far either. There was a small menu on the table folded in three parts, featuring different season-themed drinks and listing the normal drinks and snacks at the end of it.

Keiji ordered an espresso and Kuroo a cafe latte from the special section.

“This place’s really nice, I didn't know there was a coffee shop on this street… Do you come here often, Akaashi-san?” Kuroo asked after placing both arms over the table.

“Not really. I always see it from the outside on my way to work but when my shift’s over it’s already closed.” Keiji spoke calmly, as he would when talking to a superior. Polite, that’s how his words would always be. “It’s a shame though, it looks like a good place to visit once in a while.”

Kuroo frowned and rested his head on his hand. “I see… Now that I think about it, you’re always working when I get here, do you usually not have breaks? That sounds tough.”

“Oh, no. I have a break at this hour everyday.”

“And you still work on these hours? How diligent of you.” Kuroo said with a small grin.

“I don’t think that’s the case, though…” Keiji crossed his arms and looked through the window as if he was trying to analyze the situation. “Now I mostly spend time with Kenma but, before that I would usually spend it at work anyways so it’s not like much has changed. I just acquired some good company.” He said, reciprocating Kuroo’s grin with a kind smile.

The waitress came with both drinks shortly after and placed them on each side of the table. Both men thanked her before she left.

“I didn’t know you were fond of these sort of things, Kuroo-san,” Keiji said, trying to hide the urge to laugh at what he had in front of him. “I guess I now know who’s responsible for the odd amount of cat stickers on Kenma’s cane.”

Kuroo, on the other side of the table, looked fairly pleased with the small cats drawn on the top of his coffee. He even managed to take a few pictures of it before the drawing faded away with the first sip. “Hey, that’s not entirely my fault!”

“ ‘Entirely’ is my attention word here.”

“I’m serious.” he replied with another big grin “You know, if there’s something Kenma likes besides video games-… Sorry, even more than video games, it’s cats. He can’t help but pet them every time he sees one on the street.” He stopped talking for a few moments to find something on his phone and enthusiastically showed it to Keiji. “See? That’s my cat!” he said with a rather amused voice. “And yet, Kenma looks like it’s owner, doesn’t he?”

The picture surprised Keiji. It portrayed a younger Kenma and Kuroo sitting in the front door of a house, both of them wearing school uniforms. Kuroo was doing a peace sign while smiling and Kenma was looking at the black cat snuggling in his arms, with a faint smile.

It felt overwhelmingly unnatural, the thought of these two men living normal lives not so long ago. Keiji felt foreign to this reality, yet something about it was oddly familiar.

“He does.”

“That was back in high school. We found a stray cat in the back of the shrine near my house and Kenma brought it to my place, can you believe it? Getting a cat was his idea and yet I had to take care of that damn thing.” He shook his head and laughed at the memory. “He told me ‘You should take care of Nekoma, you’re good with that’ and of course I did, why wouldn’t I?”

“Nekoma? Did he...”

“Yes, he combined his own name with the word ‘cat’.”

Keiji couldn’t help but laugh this time. “That sounds like him indeed,” he said while taking a small sip of his coffee, “so he was the one who put the stickers on the cane too?”

“Okay, that was me,” he answered while raising his hands in surrender, as if he was confessing to a crime. “All me, put me to jail,” he joked and placed his arms back on the table. “You know… When things started to get rough, Kenma was really scared… And of course he wouldn’t say anything or let anyone know about it, but he was. When he began to have trouble walking on his own and was told to use a cane, he refused to do it and eventually that got him more than one injury. I couldn’t be with him the whole time and his parents couldn’t either so I started putting cat stickers on the cane every time he used it… As a reward, maybe? I’m not sure why, it’s not as if he was a kid but, I just…” he mumbled, trying to find the right words.

“You wanted to make him happy,” 

Kuroo stared at him in surprise, but sighed and nodded. “I guess that’s it.”

Keiji thought he never met someone as devoted as Kuroo in his whole life; someone as willing to do anything for the person he loves as him. The look Keiji gave him held nothing but sincere sympathy.

After a long silence in which both had taken another sip from their drinks, Kuroo was the one to speak again. “It was sure long ago though... Tomorrow’s already October 16th, I haven’t gotten anything for him yet… ”

Keiji raised an eyebrow at that. “For Kenma?”

“Tomorrow’s his birthday,” he clarified. “I don’t think he wants anything though, all my past gifts have been rejected.”

“I see… So he doesn’t like to celebrate it.”

“I don’t think he minds it, he’s mostly reluctant about gifts. And I doubt I could get him a cat to pet for a day or something like that,” Kuroo said, laughing.

Keiji kept silent for a moment. “... What if you could?”

“What?”

“I’m not talking about getting him a cat though, Haruyama has strict rules about pets.”

“I'm aware of that. What do you mean?”

“Kuroo-san, you think you could bring your cat with you tomorrow? I think we could make it if you arrive around five, after the doctor takes the samples for the exams. Assuming that you’re visiting him tomorrow,” Keiji stated quickly, striking him with an honest glance.

“Of course I am but, wouldn’t you get in trouble for this?” This time his voice became shaky, sincerely worried about this fact.

“Not if we don’t get caught.”

Kuroo smiled at that, “Why are you doing this?”

  
Keiji didn’t really know what to answer then, but he stated “Because I care about my patients, so I look after their well being and happiness.”

“Don’t give me that old-fashioned speech, you’re really growing fond of this guy, aren’t you?” Kuroo teased. "Man, he's gonna be so happy."

Keiji shook his head slowly and looked away, feeling just a little embarrassed. “Well… that, and because I do believe this could help Kenma. He responds significantly well to passive communication and having a pet around you is shown to be effective as a treatment for cases like these… Of course, that being said, I think this could only work on a stable condition, so you couldn’t bring the cat just any day…”

Keiji looked down, trying to come up with an idea while Kuroo just stared at him speechless. ‘How lucky they’ve got for getting a person like Keiji to take care of Kenma’, Keiji could read all over his face. They were just speculations, based on being overly aware of how strict and cold nurses could be for the sake of their patients. He knew Kuroo had been told many times that he shouldn’t be visiting a patient if he’s not related to him or strictly necessary, or even have been rejected from entrance all around. Having encountered all these kinds of scenarios, it was normal that he just found it hard to believe how approachable Keiji was towards Kenma’s health.

He would easily say he was grateful for Keiji being Kenma’s nurse all the time between conversations.

“Give me your number,” Kuroo blatantly said.

“My number?”

“Yeah, that way I can call you to ask if it’s okay to bring that little rat here. I can't really call the center and ask for you, can I?”

“I see.” Keiji reached for his phone in his pocket and tapped at the screen a few times, searching for the number to show it to Kuroo.

“How should I save your number? ‘Nurse Akaashi-san’ maybe?”

He smiled and typed Keiji’s number on his phone. “Just Akaashi is fine,” he explained. “I’m not used to being called by my full name,” he joked.

“Kenma calls you Keiji though.”

“Kenma is an exception, since I’m just two years older than him.”

“Did you just call me old?” Kuroo crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m only a year older than you then!”

“And that makes you worthy of honorifics, Kuroo-san.”

“You’re just trying to mess with me now, aren’t you? If not my first name then at least let's drop the honorifics, deal?”

“... Deal.”

The next time Keiji checked the time, half an hour had already passed in which they had finished their drinks, paid and left the cafe. On the way out Kuroo had seen the custom cake designs they had and decided to order one for Kenma’s birthday.

  
The next day was nothing but quietness and oddly pleasant weather. Keiji had been tempted to congratulate Kenma for his 24th birthday at midday but decided to wait until his parents arrived and celebrated the occasion on their own. They arrived around 1pm and took him out of the Center. Kenma didn’t seem to mind.

“You look quite happy today, darling. Did something good happen?”

Keiji looked at the woman from the other side of the room while gathering all the medicine he needed to dispense to her. “Something good?” he replied, “my life is quite uneventful, Ogata-san. I consider that to be something extremely good already.” Having said that, he put on the sanitary mask and plastic gloves. He reached for a package of syringes and took one to fill it with the medicine.

“I can’t be tricked, dear. You have a cheerful feeling all around you,” she quickly answered, making explosion motions with the tips of her fingers to emphasize the message. Keiji smiled under his mask at the gesture.

Lightly flicking the top of the syringe to remove any air bubbles, he replied, “Do I? If you say so then I must confess something to you.” He spoke calmly while opening the line and carefully inserting the syringe on it. “I’ve done a risky thing for some friends recently, so rather than happy it’s quite the opposite, I'm terrified for the outcome.”

“You’re young, honey. Now’s the time to take risks for things you believe in.”

With a rather surprised look, Keiji answered “I’ll take your advice then, Ogata-san. Thank you.”

And Keiji felt just a little lonely during lunch, since he would usually join Kenma at said time. It was weird, he hadn’t been by himself at work even a single day since Kenma arrived. It wasn’t until 4pm that Kenma and his parents had to come back due to Kenma’s regular check-up so Keiji still had a little "free" time until then. He figured he would go help the other nurses or fill up forms in the meantime.

“Can I sit here?”

“Kei-chan!” The man called, almost yelling this time. 

Jumping completely out of his thoughts, Keiji looked up and sat straight. “Ah, yes. Sorry, you can sit,” he replied.

“It sure has been a while, now that you spend all your time with the kid,” the man proceeded to sit in front of Keiji, while placing a folder right in the middle of the table.

“ ‘The kid’ is turning 24 today, you know?”

“You have to be kidding me,” he said with a rather exaggerated expression.

Oikawa Tooru had always been that way, overdramatic and eccentric. People wouldn’t believe he was not only a certified doctor but also considered quite a genius in his field.

“He is, so don’t make that face.”

“Sorry, sorry. But he looks really young!" he insisted. "So, are you free right now? I have something to ask you.”

Keiji met Oikawa about seven years ago, during his second year of college. Oikawa was a TA in his Anatomy class at that time, and a very lousy one that Keiji would usually avoid at first, but eventually figured out that —despite his personality— he was very serious about his work and academics.

Somehow, destiny led them to end up working together in Haruyama Caring Center.

“I am. Do you need anything?”

“I got a call from the hospital, my shift got changed to an hour earlier so I have to go right now. Would you mind keeping an eye on one of my patients for a while? His physical condition is stable now but I’m afraid he might be on the verge of something else,” he said in a calm voice that seemed to get quieter with each word.

“And by that you mean...?”

“I’m afraid he’ll get post-trauma depression soon enough if we don’t do something…” Oikawa sighed and quickly looked up again, facing Keiji with a smile “And then I thought, ‘who’s better with kids than mom-nurse Kei-chan?’ No one, for sure.” Oikawa made a peace sign and grinned at the younger man, who sighed, unamused.

“Would you please shut your big mouth, Oikawa-san?”

“Sorry, sorry. But you do have a gift, you know? You understand people and gain their trust pretty easily, as if you had known them your whole life... Look, about a month ago that kid was living a normal life and now he is lying in a bed with paraplegia. He does have good prospects, but this is obviously a life-changing event for him.”

“I understand...”

“I’ll leave the records here, okay? Can I count on you?”

“Of course.”

Oikawa smiled and waved before leaving the cafeteria. Keiji took the folder and opened it to start.

Giving it a quick read he learnt it was a young man who lost the motor movement of his lower half due to a car accident. He was only twenty years old. After reading some more details, Keiji closed the folder and took it with him to the room that the boy was assigned to. He knocked on the door a few times and entered the room.

“Good evening. My name is Akaashi Keiji, I’ll be assisting you today.”

Sitting on the bed there was a young boy looking out the window. When Keiji entered he turned to face him and greet with a smile. Keiji thought just how young he looked due to the freckles on his cheeks.

“Good evening, Akaashi-san.”

It was about two hours later that his phone rang, displaying two familiar characters on the screen. He answered after a short while. “Hello?”

“Akaashi, I’m on my way there. Is it safe?” Kuroo joked over the phone.

“It is, it is… The doctor left a while ago and his parents are about to leave too so you can come, I’m guessing you wouldn’t like them to find out about this. You’ll have to go through the back door.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in five… Doesn’t it feel like we’re committing a crime or something?” Kuroo added with an amused tone.

“Almost, Kuroo. Almost.”

After hanging up, Keiji went to Kenma’s room to inspect if everything was in order. “It looks like you had a good time with your relatives,” he said while carefully sitting on the edge of the chair in front of him.

“I’m glad to be back. My aunt’s house was too crowded.”

“Isn't it nice to have people who care about you enough to gather every once in a while though? Did you thank them properly?”

“It’s not, but I did.”

“That’s good then, I could tell your parents were pleased with your behavior.”

There was a short silence in which Kenma raised his head and stared at a point in the wall. “I’m 24, I can’t afford to make them worry about me anymore.”

Keiji looked at Kenma in surprise, he didn’t expect to hear those words from him exactly, it felt heart warming, somehow. “I see.”

Keiji’s phone vibrated and he gave it a quick glance, it was a text from Kuroo. He hurried to open it and read: ‘I forgot about the cake! Can I be absolutely shameless and ask you to get it. Pleeease, Akaashiiii.’

Keiji couldn’t help but smile and sent a short 'Okay'.

“We’re just one year apart now, Keiji.”

Keiji looked up at Kenma, who was writing something in a notebook that looked brand new. “We are. We should hangout more often now that we’re closer.”

Kenma silently laughed and looked down again. “He’s late, isn’t he?”

“I’m sure he’ll arrive soon.”

“It’s not like him to be late.”

Keiji reacted in concern, fighting the urge to tell him about his and Kuroo’s plan. “He’ll come. Trust him.”

And, with those words, Keiji left the room. He went pick up the cake and managed to find at least one candle to put on it. Ten minutes later, Kuroo arrived.

Once out of the room he hurried to the front entrance and waited a few minutes until the cake arrived, trying his best to make his actions as lowkey as possible. He left the box behind the main counter and called Kuroo to give him directions for the back entrance.

“Man, the train was crowded, luckily this guy doesn’t stand out too much,” said Kuroo, opening his coat to show a small black cat hiding inside one of the pockets.

“... I’m trusting that you didn’t asphyxiate that poor kitten in that coat on your way here.”

Kuroo lightly laughed and shook his head. “Believe it or not he likes this sort of thing. Have you ever given a box to a cat? They just love to snuggle in small spaces.”

“If you say so...”

“Plus, we’re just this close, right Koma?” Kuroo took the cat out of the pocket and brought it closer to his chest. The cat just closed his eyes and let the man stroke him.

“He looks like he’s given up on trying to shake you off him,” Keiji joked and motioned forward but restrained himself from stroking the cat’s head. “The cake’s here already, I’ll bring it so you can give it to him.”

“What do you mean I? We’re both giving him the cake, you helped me choose it.”

“But you bought it. Besides, wouldn’t it be weird if I was part of the celebration? I’m-”

“Kenma’s friend. That’s why you should.” Kuroo’s words were again direct and clear, something that the both of them had in common. “But I understand, you’re working right now after all, you’ve done more than enough yet I keep asking you for things, I'm sorry...”

“I’ll come.”

Keiji fetched the cake and lit the candle on it while Kuroo held the cat on one arm and opened the door with the other, letting Keiji announce himself first. “Kenma… Are you busy? You have a visitor.”

“Is that guy here already?”

Kuroo lightly kicked the door with his foot and entered the room. “Well, ‘that guy’ is not only here but also bought you a whole cake so you should treat him better, right, Akaashi?”

Keiji silently laughed at the older man’s reaction and entered the room while the two of them were talking, closing the door behind him.

“You’re here.”

“Of course I am, do you really think I would miss your birthday?”

Kenma blinked a few times and looked away, too embarrassed to say yes. “What took you so long?”

“I guess that’s this little guy’s fault,” Kuroo answered while revealing the cat in his arms.

“Nekoma?”

Keiji thought he had never seen Kenma as excited as that exact moment. Kuroo carefully put the cat down, letting it walk towards Kenma and rub up against his legs.

“... How?” Kenma suddenly asked while petting the animal’s head and immediately stared at Kuroo. “What did you do?”

Kuroo couldn’t help but laugh at such a serious question and softly shook his head. “Oh no, this one’s not my idea… Your overly-kind nurse is the one to blame here.”

Both looks this time were directed to Keiji, who just smiled lightly. “Kuroo said you were fond of Nekoma, right? I thought you would like him to visit once in a while.”

“Well, as much as I would love to keep on with this nice conversation, we’ve got a lit candle right here and it’s not getting any bigger, so how about dealing with that first?”

As the three of them celebrated Kenma’s birthday and Kuroo told a number of stories about the previous birthdays and how he hadn’t accepted one of his gifts in years, time went flying. Keiji couldn’t stay much time due to his duties, nevertheless he went back to the room when it was time for Kenma’s medicine. Keiji had never seen Kenma making such a happy expression as he did at that time, reassuring Keiji that the decision of taking such a risk had been absolutely worth it.

“Okay, here’s your last medicine for today.” Keiji said while entering the room with two small cups, one with a pill and the other one with water.

Kenma took his pill and immediately turned back to brush the cat’s ears softly. “Do you like cats, Keiji?”

Keiji crossed his arms over his chest and looked at him. “I do like them, although they’re not quite fond of me if I'm being honest… All my pets hated me as a kid,” he replied while taking the cups back and placing one on top of the other.

“Is that so...” Kenma answered, as composed as always. “I’m sure Nekoma will like you, he likes good people.”

Keiji smiled and reached for a small package from his pocket “Well, since you’ve called me a good person the least I can do is give you this.”

“For me?”

“I’m sorry it’s not a big thing, I just found out yesterday that it was your birthday.”

“Keiji, you didn’t have to get me anything at all.” Kenma said, with a rather surprised expression on his face.

“I know… But I wanted to. I hope it’s okay, otherwise I’ll be a little embarrassed.”

“It is,” the younger boy replied right away. “I just… Thank you.”

Keiji wrote the name of the medicine and the amount on the planner hanging from the wall closer to the door and looked at Kenma. “You’re welcome. I’m glad you accepted it,” Keiji said with a small smile. “It looks like I have officially surpassed Kuroo’s record on gifts,” he joked and Kuroo just rolled his eyes with a big grin on his face, too happy by this interaction to even question the tease at the end. “I need to go do a shift handover now, so Kuroo, just fifteen more minutes. I’ll be back then,” and with those words Keiji left the room.

A few minutes passed before Keiji was able to register at the end of the shift due to the high demand of personnel. He waited outside the administrative office for a few minutes before leaving.

“Huh, some people sure have it easy… Being able to go home while the rest of us have to stay for another hour.”

“Well, considering my shift starts an hour earlier than yours I think it’s quite fair, isn't it?”

“You’re so mean, Kei-chan,” Oikawa whined jokingly. “If you’re being like that it means you’re in a good mood, right?”

“Surprisingly enough you’re not the first person to tell me that today… It must be true then.”

“Oh well, isn’t that nice? We don’t usually get to see you smile at all around here and today you’re full of happiness, it must be a miracle sent from the gods themselves,” he laughed. “And I’m sure it has something to do with the kid.”

“You do know you have to stop calling him ‘the kid’ eventually, right?”

“But isn’t that a cute nickname for him? I’m all up for cute nicknames.”

“If you say so,” Keiji sighed, giving up on trying to understand Oikawa’s mindset. “I talked to your patient.”

The big grin on the other man’s face instantly changed to a more condescendant look and a smile that seemed to fade away by the second “You did?.... So, how did it go?”

“He’s… Deeply affected by it, yes, but he’s also very strong. I was surprised by just how mature he was, and that makes me worry a little.... He’s still young so it’s better to keep an eye not only on him but also on who visits him. At this point even a small argument with a peer could disturb him, and I’m guessing the reason why he’s so mature has a direct relation to that.“

“Akaashi-san, you’re good to go! Sorry for making you wait for so long,” an older nurse said while coming out of the office.

“Thank you, see you tomorrow,” Keiji politely replied to the woman before facing Oikawa. “I’ll be leaving now, Oikawa-san. If you need to discuss the subject any further please let me know, I’d be happy to help.” Keiji left in a hurry, feeling a little guilty about not being able to reply properly to Oikawa’s question. He knocked Kenma’s door twice before entering the room and finding, to his astonishment, both of them mindlessly holding hands while playing with the cat.

“I-I'm sorry to interrupt, but I’m leaving now so I’m afraid visiting hours are over for today. The receptionist is on shift change as well so you can go through the main entrance now, if you make it quick.”

“Thank you, and sorry for causing you so much trouble,” Kuroo said kindly. “Okay Kenma, time to say goodbye to this little guy,” Kuroo said while softly stroking Kenma’s knuckles with his thumb.

“I’ll be going then. See you tomorrow, Kenma. Happy birthday again.” Before Kenma or Kuroo could reply, Keiji left the room quickly, without glancing back once.

They were a couple, after all. He knew it from the beginning. He knew it, yet it felt wrong to even be thinking about it.

‘Just what am I doing?’

____

  
Keiji would find joy in small things during the day. One of the most recent ones was watching Kenma write on his notebook with the pen he had gifted him for his birthday about two weeks ago. It was a black ink pen with a red string hanging from the top of the cap, that held a black cat figurine at the end of it.

He felt pleased that Kenma liked it enough to use it, and he sure seemed to be in a very good mood ever since he saw Nekoma again. Sometimes Kenma was just like a little kid to his eyes, ‘maybe Oikawa was right after all ’ he thought and immediately shook his head, amused by the idea.

Another small thing that seemed to please Keiji these days was the newly acquired text friend he got along with Kuroo’s number.

For the last week he had been messaging the other man, reasons going from answering questions about Kenma’s health to just random conversation topics that came out along the way. Before he knew it, he came to like such things. Contrary to his expectations, they had an awful amount of things in common, and Keiji thought it was maybe due to them being so alike.

Awful, he could use said word just because of how it reflected on himself. He wasn’t one to become friends with people in such a short time, it wasn’t like him at all. What started as just a casual text from Kuroo to check-up on Kenma, messages that Keiji would reply in short answers during his break, little by little, increased in number. Sometimes they would discuss simple interests like music and films, other times it would be more complex topics.

But not everything has been as nice as it sounded. During the first week of November, Kenma started to have trouble identifying faces and recent events, even though he would always recover some of the memory after a short while - for Keiji, however, it seemed like that said ‘short while’ began to extend as time passed. Unsure about giving it much thought, he just assumed it as part of the downside. He knew this could happen once in a while and just hoped for the symptoms to cease. But when the second week came, they became more persistent.

One day he entered Kenma’s room and greeted him with a kind smile on his face.

“H-hi,” he replied without looking away from his notebook.

Keijii stopped in the act. He knew that trembling voice, and it meant nothing good. “Kenma, how are you feeling today?”

Kenma didn’t reply.

“Are you feeling well? Is there anything bothering you?” Keiji walked closer to the desk.

“I’m fine.” Kenma replied right away raising his voice, and pulled back when Keiji came closer.

“It couldn’t be…” He whispered to himself, taking a moment to analyze the situation and then proceeded. “That’s good to hear.”

“Kenma, by any chance… Do you happen to know who I am?” Keiji managed to ask in the most casual way possible in order not to disturb him, feeling the fear build up from his stomach and a lump in his throat.

Kenma gave no answer. He seemed too focused on his writing.

“Kenma?” he repeated in a slightly louder tone which made Kenma stop for a moment.

“A nurse.” he replied in a slightly annoyed tone. The same tone he would give to people he didn’t know nor trust.

“I see.” Keiji felt odd, like he wasn’t familiar with this reality in which Kenma didn't know him, even though he knew this could happen eventually. “I’m in charge of you today, I hope we can get along. Call me if you need anything.”

Kenma had been okay for almost a month now, the ‘bad days’ had decreased since then, so he wasn’t expecting that kind of regression on his treatment so suddenly. “I will leave your medicine in the drawer next to the bed, make you take it in no less than five minutes, okay?”

And the answer was just silence.

“I’ll come again in fifteen minutes to check on you.” With those words Keiji left the room, and the moment he did, he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. ‘Why now?’ was the only thing on his mind at that point.

Keiji hurried outside and took his phone out of his pocket, he looked for Kuroo’s name without thinking and sent a message.

‘Are you coming here today?’

He looked at the screen right after sending it, it was a rather impolite thing for him to text Kuroo in such a casual way, but he didn’t want to deal with that at the moment.

The reply came after a short while.

‘Woah, so unexpected to receive a text from Akaashi himself, lucky! Yeah, I’m coming after work. Did something happen?’

‘Not really. I just wanted to make sure.’

Somehow Keiji felt slightly relieved, he knew if this was a common thing then Kenma could be back to normal in a while, but if it wasn’t then he would be under obligation to ask for exams that would most likely reveal the contrary. He needed to be prepared to tell Kenma’s parents and Kuroo about this situation if it ever evolved to that.

‘Then, I’ll see you in a few hours. Call me if anything happens, okay?’

Surprised by his answer, Keiji stared at the screen for a few seconds. Apparently, Kuroo was not convinced by it.

‘Okay.’

Keiji went back into Kenma’s room four times after that, to make sure Kenma had taken his medicine and checked his vital signs as always during the day. He asked him a few questions in between his visits, in which Kenma replied to barely half of them and with very vague answers.

He knew Kenma was not sure of where he was exactly, even though he was aware it was some sort of hospital or nursing home, most likely because of his long experience with them in the past. He knew Kenma ignored how long he had been there and was fairly confused about the amount of medication he was taking. In conclusion, it seemed that his memory related to recent events was being affected.

‘A friend of yours called recently informing us that he will come to visit you today, he said his name is Kuroo Tetsurou.” Keiji said the last time he went into the room, and it was the only time he could catch Kenma’s attention.

“He’s coming?” Kenma asked in a quiet tone. ”At what time?”

Keiji looked at the younger boy, who was facing towards his console but had stopped the game on it, “He said he will be here at 4pm.”

Kenma remained aloof when in the presence of any nurse or doctor that visited him, refusing to say anything if it wasn’t strictly necessary. Keiji knew there was nothing to be done but to give him the space he needed if his behavior wasn’t turning aggressive.

“Excuse me, could you tell me where Oikawa-sensei is?” Keiji asked the young woman in the reception.

She looked up something on her computer and replied after a short while “He should be examining a patient in E203, but he’s-”

Before the woman could finish Keiji thanked her and went to said room on the other side of the Center as fast as he could. He waited outside the room for a few minutes until he finally came out. “Oikawa-san.”

“Kei-chan! What a surprise, are you on your break? I’m so jealous...”

“I’m not actually, so I will make this quick.”

“What is it? You’re scaring me with that serious tone.”

“What time does your shift end today?

“At nine, why?”

“Would you do me a favor? Could you… perform Kenma’s examinations today? His head doctor is not on duty this week and-”

“Wait, wait. Did something happen to the kid? Are you completely sure it’s needed?”

“He’s supposed to have them taken next week... He’s starting to lose recollection of recent events, this has happened before but there’s something different about it now, the progression of it is becoming oddly fast. I can’t describe how but…” Keiji sighed, there was no way he could have expressed in which way Kenma’s behavior was different. He had been spending most of his time with Kenma for almost two months now, and there were things, patterns that were completely off-putting this time, even before that day's incident. “... I’m afraid this could be something more serious.”

“Okay.” Oikawa simply replied “I’ll go check on him first thing after I’m done here and I’ll perform the examination if necessary. Don’t worry.”

Keiji sighed and looked down as he made a small bow. “Thank you.”

“Hey,” Oikawa called with a kind smile and put his left hand on Keiji’s head. “I know it’s hard to have faith but we’re entitled to bear with this ourselves until we know for sure what’s going on. We don't want to create unnecessary worries on our patients or their families,” he spoke softly while ruffling his hair. “Calm down, it’s going to be okay.”

Keiji just nodded lightly, unable to raise his head and face the other man. Oikawa patted him on the shoulder a few times and left.

At 3:49pm Kuroo crossed the entrance door and greeted the two receptionist with a smile, he signed the visitor’s book and made his way to Kenma’s room while looking for Keiji, who had been filling up some forms in the main counter and stopped right at the moment he saw the other man in the room.

“I made it here with…” - he checked his phone - “... Ten minutes to spare,” Kuroo said in a cheerful voice .“I’m getting better at speed-walking from the station, aren’t I?” he joked and walked closer to the counter.

“You definitely are,” Keiji said with a soft smile that seemed to look rather odd to Kuroo, judging by his reaction. “I’m glad you made it here safely from the station.”

“Hey... Did something happen? You’re making the ‘official-nurse’ face again… Is it a bad day?” Kuroo asked, leaning forward while resting both arms over the counter.

Keiji looked up and found a concerned yet not surprised glance right back at him ”It's not a bad day,” Keiji said in a calm voice, repeating Oikawa's words in his mind and clearing out questions. It was definitely not like his bad days, because Kenma had been calm for most of the day and even very cooperative towards his treatment and taking medicine. It was not a 'regular' bad day. “You know how he’s been having long-term temporal memory lost for the past two weeks.” Keiji paused to find the best way to explain it without having to worry about the other man too much. “He seems to have less recollection of recent events today, he’s behaving normally though, which is always a good sign. I’m telling you so you are careful about what you talk to him about, it’s better if we don’t disturb him with difficult questions.”

“I see,” Kuroo replied in an oddly quiet voice.

“But go ahead, he was excited to see you. Remember to be cautious when talking to him.”

“I will, thank you. ” He knocked a few times and opened the door. “Kenma, I’m here,” he greeted. Kenma looked up and gestured to make what appeared to be a smile, because Kuroo mirrored it very easily. He looked back at Keiji, giving him a sign of approval before going in and closing the door behind him.

His break was about to start but he didn’t feel like taking it, he preferred to keep his mind busy. An hour went by before Keiji had seen a familiar face walking through the hallway, it was Oikawa. “I finally found you, I thought you were on your break.”

“Not quite,” Keiji responded rather easily. “There were some forms unfinished so I got distracted filling them up.”

Oikawa walked toward Keiji, gesturing to make the other man come closer to him. “Is it okay to go in now? I saw the records and they were rather positive on the treatment in relation to his physical health, so I’m just going to check his cognitive memory to see if there’s any possible damage, okay?”

Keiji nodded. He had been checking on Kenma every day for a while now, so he figured he was going to say something like that. “I’m going in now, I’ll be out in about twenty minutes and we’ll talk about the exams if necessary.” Oikawa walked towards the room but was stopped by a slightly louder voice.

“Oikawa-san, thank you for this. I really appreciate it. ” he said, as he followed the other man.

Oikawa smiled and made a peace sign with his right hand “No problem, Kei-chan. Buy me ramen next time and we’ll be even,” he joked and knocked on the door. Keiji smiled as well, he needed to remember to thank Oikawa properly in the future.

“Sorry for the intrusion. I’m Oikawa Tooru, chief doctor of Haruyama Center’s Department of Neurology. I will be performing the regular check-up today.” It surprised Keiji to listen to such a formal introduction from him, but he was somehow glad he did.

Keiji went in just behind the other man and looked at both Kuroo and Kenma sitting on the bed, Kenma playing on his console as always, he didn’t even bother to look up or reply.

“Good evening, thanks for taking care of this one,” Kuroo replied, softly messing up Kenma’s hair.

“It looks like he isn’t very fond of our company, is he?” Oikawa turned to face Keiji and smirked at his words. “We’re sorry to interrupt but I’m afraid I'm going to annoy you with my presence for a little bit longer...” Oikawa took the planner with Kenma’s records and read his full name: “Kozume Kenma-chan.”

Keiji shook his head, acknowledging now what was Oikawa’s real character and treatment towards his patients “I’m sorry, it’s almost five, so I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with us for a little longer for your examinations, Kenma. Kuroo…-san can come back in an hour,” Keiji spoke in a soft voice, and opened the door.

Kuroo gave Oikawa a look and then looked back at Keiji, who just gestured discreetly for him to leave the room. “Okay. See you later, Kenma.”

Both of them left the room, Keiji closing the door behind them. “So, how did it go?” Keiji asked while walking towards the main hall, followed by the other man.

“He’s… Definitely acting weird, I didn’t want to point that out in front of him, but there’s something odd… He isn’t acting like himself.” Kuroo agreed, walking at a slower pace.

“I see.” Keiji swallowed and quickly replied, “I talked to Oikawa-sensei about it, he’s going to be checking his condition in order to determine if he needs more testing or further action.”

“He doesn’t remember you,” Kuroo said and Keiji stopped in the act, he wasn’t expecting Kuroo to find out about it so soon.

“That is… Likely to happen, his memory is unstable now, after all,” Keiji turned to face Kuroo, he was encountered with just sadness and concern.

“He barely knows where he is now and... It’s like all his progress just-”

Keiji put one hand over Kuroo’s shoulder in order for him to stop, he knew there was no way he could hide things from someone so close to Kenma as him, or rather, he didn’t want to do it. “Kuroo, let’s talk in private.”

Keiji guided him to one of the empty offices next to the lobby and closed the door behind him. Kuroo was facing the window on the other side of the room, completely lost in thought.

“Listen, I know it was a very drastic change from what his crisis used to be, but we still don’t know for sure if it represents something dreadful or is just a rare episode, now he’s-”

“Akaashi, don’t lie to me. Please, just be honest.” Kuroo said in a sharp voice “You can give me the medical speech all you want but I’m not buying any of it. This guy has improved so much since he came here...”

“Kuroo, I need you to listen to thi-”

“He’s like a different person! Don’t tell me this is like the other times because-!”

“Kuroo.” Keiji interrupted suddenly. “I know, I know all of that. But it would be both unprofessional and insensitive of me, of us, as the people in charge of his health to give a baseless medical diagnostic. We can’t say for sure what it is or isn’t going to happen until we have tests to prove it.”

“So you’re not going to do anything, is that what you’re saying?” Kuroo asked in disbelief.

“There’s nothing else we can do for now, I am really sorry.”

“Yeah? You don’t look like you’re sorry at all. All you people are the fucking same, passing your responsabilities around...” With those words Kuroo left the room, leaving nothing but silence and a helpless Keiji behind.

‘There is nothing else I can do now’ Keiji repeated to himself, suddenly questioning his own actions. ‘Is there really nothing else I can do?’ Feeling a strong pain in his chest, he felt the shame weighing on him heavier than ever. It was not the first time he had to deal with this sort of situation involving a patient, but it was the first time he had felt that involved in the case. Soon, it would start to feel like it was really his fault if he kept going like this.

Deciding not to disturb Kuroo any longer, he proceeded to visit his two other patients, deciding to come back when Oikawa was done. An hour and forty minutes later, Oikawa left the room to confirm to Keiji that he was going to perform the rest of the examinations the next day. There was nothing else to be done.

Keiji went one last time to Kenma’s room to inform Kuroo that visiting hours were over and left; taking his time to change his clothes and pick up his belongings from the nurses’ lockers. He walked down the road with his head down and his hands buried into his pockets, it was a cold night and the coat he was wearing felt too thin all of a sudden.

He pulled his scarf upwards and stepped up his pace. Or at least that’s what he pretended before a hand grabbed his forearm, cutting off his steps.

“Akaashi!” The voice reached his ears not much later and, as he looked up, he realized Kuroo was the one who had stopped him. “I’ve been calling you for a while now...”

Keiji blinked a few times and then turned back to the direction he was headed to. “Sorry… I wasn’t paying attention,” he simply responded and started walking again, being followed by the same steps once more.

“I didn’t realize when you left, you look really different in your regular clothes,” Kuroo added, white breath gently coming out of his mouth as he spoke. “Are you going to the station now?”

“Yes.”

“I was waiting for you. You know, I...” Keiji didn’t reply. “I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier… I’m really sorry. I was freaking out and…”

“I know.” Keiji interrupted. “You were worried about Kenma, I won’t take it personally so please do not worry about such things. It’s also my job to understand and communicate with my patient’s family and friends.”

Kuroo stared at the other man, mesmerized while walking a few steps behind him. “You’re… really incredible, Akaashi.”

Confused, Keiji turned to face Kuroo, who slowly caught up to his pace. “As I said, it’s my job to-”

“It’s not your job to stand people blaming you for things that are not your fault, much less treating you the way that I did… I’m really sorry about it, I’m reflecting on it.”

Keiji didn’t reply, neither when they were walking towards the station, nor when they both got on the same almost empty train and sat side by side. Kuroo looked at Keiji like he was a total mystery to him. In a certain way, Kuroo was a mystery to him as well.

Once in the past two months, Kuroo told him he felt nothing but admiration for people like him: strong and calm, able to control their emotions like it was nothing; and that it sounded like something impossible to do for Kuroo, so he felt conflicted.

Keiji raised his head and looked at him when the train came out of the underground tunnel. “You shouldn’t worry about this, I do understand what you felt back-”

“I know.” Kuroo agreed, getting a surprised look from Keiji in return. “I’m aware you do. You always do, after all.” Kuroo smiled as a natural response of exhaustion, it suddenly felt way too calm for a train ride and both seemed to just want a peaceful ride home.

Keiji looked aside and fixed his scarf, closing his eyes for a few seconds, being also influenced by the same exhaustion that resulted from the end of a very rough work day. “I noticed a week ago, you know... His head doctor said it was normal, but if I had insisted...”

“Oikawa-san told me you asked him to take the examinations today, that it was meant to be done by next week by his head doctor who is on holiday right now.” Kuroo spoke, looking at the dim lights placed on the corners of the wagon. “I thought-... I thought you were giving up on Kenma's recovery. When you told me there was nothing to be done, I freaked out-” he started saying in a more hurriedly tone, trembling both his voice and his hands. Keiji, being an attentive personas he was, noticed immediately as a sign of high stress.

“Kuroo, stop.” Keiji said abruptly. “Don’t do this. ” What happened then is that it hurt. It hurt to listen to his words, to watch all of this happen, to have such expectations on him when there was just so much a nurse could do, expectations he couldn't live up to. “You don’t want to hear it and I don’t want to lie to you.”

The sound of the railways being pushed down by the train as it stopped was the only sound left to hear for a few seconds. These words left Kuroo astonished, but Keiji knew it wasn’t anything new to him, on the contrary, it seemed like the weight of the truth he was trying to reject for so long just crushed him entirely.

The doors opened, closed, and the train slowly began to move again.

“He’s never going to get better, is he?”

Keiji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “The treatment can keep him from worsening if there’s no major complications, but…” Keiji stopped to look at Kuroo, who was looking down, holding back tears, his hands still shivering.

“But…” Kuroo repeated in a whisper, queuing for Keiji to finish the sentence. No matter what, he seemed to be waiting to hear the truth.

Keiji looked around and moved to hold Kuroo’s hand with a strong but gentle grip. Kuroo didn’t move away nor he responded to his actions.

“... But as things are right now, a permanent cure does not exist,” Keiji finally said, “He can control it with the treatment, but he won’t be able to fully recover from this.” He felt Kuroo's grip getting stronger and trembling at the same time.

The train began to slow down again in a few minutes.

...  
  
Next time he woke up he didn’t know his surroundings right away. There were beige walls and black furniture all around, some pictures on the walls and the entrance light on.

Next to him, a man was lying uncomfortably on the couch, sleeping silently against his arm. A few meters away, a black cat was playing with the end of the curtains.

He came to realize just then that this was Kuroo’s apartment.

There were two planters on a table next to the window and a third one holding three yellow flowers, dangerously close to the edge of the wooden surface. There were a few paw prints making a path from the pot all the way to the rim of the curtains. Keiji fought the impulse to clean up that poignant mess Kuroo’s cat left behind. 

Kuroo’s cat. This was Kuroo’s apartment, he reminded himself.

Now fully awake, Keiji traced back to the man next to him. He had moved around a few times, settling for resting his back and nape on the backboard, letting his messy hair fall to the side of his face, but still seemingly still very much asleep. Keiji couldn’t bring himself to wake him up.

The final resolution was to stand up and carefully move the flowers back to the center of the table, a motion that a certain feline didn’t fail to find annoying, probably considering placing his own territory. Keiji looked at him with a rather affectionate glance when he jumped up onto the table, and took the opportunity to offer the back of his hand for him to sniff and get familiar with before softly petting his head, despite his previous bad experiences with animals. He could allow himself to do that this time.

Keiji remembered Kenma's words on his birthday, when the cat reacted well to the strokes ‘... He likes good people’, and asked himself if he could really fit that description at all.

The cat purred quietly.

“Be nice to Kuroo-san, Koma. Let the flowers live one more day.” he whispered as a smile drew on his face.

“I thought we agreed on dropping the honorifics.”

It took everything from Keiji not to jump at the sudden voice coming from behind him, leading his eyes to land on the drowsy man sitting on the couch, this time leaning forward and resting his forearms on his knees. The same smile rested flat on his face, as if it was a normal occurrence for Keiji to be there in the morning and just decide to bond with his pet.

“Sorry to wake you up.”

“You didn’t really.” Kuroo raised his arms and stretched, then using the momentum to pick himself up from his seat. “Your phone dropped on my leg when you stood up, so it wasn’t you, technically.” He grabbed the object from the couch and made his way to Keiji. “Morning.” A greeting came after a very odd silence between them, one that seemed rehearsed.

From this distance he could still see the redness of Kuroo’s eyes and face from the night before.

“Morning.” Keiji replied and took the phone, turning the screen on to check the time. “It’s already 10am.”

Even with this information, Kuroo didn’t seem bothered at all by his presence there, but rather more troubled as to find the right words to follow. “Listen, about last night...”

“It’s okay.” Keiji quickly interrupted. “You were feeling upset, I couldn’t let you come back home on your own, so it was really on me. I should get going now, sorry to intrude.”

Kuroo shook his head twice, a sigh coming out of his lips. “Sorry that you had to sleep on my cheap couch.” he apologized, gesturing back and forth as he motioned in the general direction of said furniture. “You didn’t have to do this… But I’m really thankful you did, Akaashi. You really are a good friend.” Came out of his lips at last, dropping every possible formal or practiced social conduct, with the sole intention of being as honest as possible with him. Keiji always found himself liking that aspect of Kuroo’s personality.

But he said nothing. Everything that happened between the train ride up the day before up to that morning would remain untouched for months. Keiji saw a side of Kuroo that had been completely dejected for a long time, much longer than the mere two months they had known each other. He saw Kuroo break down in despair, he watched him being torn by the present and scared of the future, while Keiji could only pick up the pieces and try to keep them together for as long as possible, being a source of comfort in the middle of the storm.

It broke his heart. During his years serving as a nurse, he had seen a lot of emotional situations that went from good to bad. He had never let himself become invested in them before this one, knowing his duty as a medical aid was to assist, support and give solutions to people in need. Countless times he needed to be strong for those who couldn’t. 

It broke his heart because, more than anything, he wanted to protect the love that kept Kuroo and Kenma together, to make whatever honest sentiment that made Kuroo feel this helplessness go away. 

Keiji figured as time passed that he genuinely wanted these two people to be happy, so he went out of his way to try and prove he had the ability to contain, to heal, to make a difference in their lives.

As they reached the third week of November, the results came in and the doctor in charge of Kenma’s case decided to call for a few appointments with him and his parents to let them know they would be changing his medication in order to retrieve the effects the last one had on him for the past month he had been taking it. 

The last day of November his case was taken by another doctor.

From that point, Kenma’s memory was intermittent, as easily retrieved as it was lost. A few times Kenma had recognized the place he was staying in, or stopped what he was doing to look at Keiji. The look he always gave him was the one as if he saw a stranger on the other side of the street who happened to be an old classmate.

A few times he had questions about Kuroo and his visits, a few others he would complain about his new head doctor’s eccentric personality and ask if they had another one ‘in stock’. A few times Kenma would say the name ‘Keiji’ under his breath while reading some pages of his notebook, as if asking to himself who it belonged to. 

It was on December 12th that Keiji really felt like crying after a long, long time. A day in which Kenma and him were talking about different pronunciations for the same characters of his name, and how most of his teachers in middle school called him ‘Kouri’ because he never bothered to correct them. At that time, Kenma asked him to come closer so he could read his nametag and find an alternative pronunciation to Akaashi as well, Keiji didn’t seem to mind and leaned a bit to let him read it. 

A trigger, used under favorable circumstances, could potentially make a memory come back. Which made Keiji raise his hand and tapped twice on his nametag.

“Keiji.”

The moment he heard that word being used by Kenma to address him again, something inside him ignited. 

“You’re Keiji.”

Kenma’s memories and recollections of him didn’t fully come back from that moment on, it wasn’t that simple; but the nurse could tell that he was able to make more sense of whatever he had scribbled on his notebook about him. It wasn’t until the third month that old habits came through and they started practicing a very similar routine. Knowing him or not, Keiji was satisfied to know that Kenma still trusted him, and that was enough to make his job as smooth and efficient as possible for his own sake.

One thing changed: Kenma didn’t ask for the same book ever again. Instead, he would spend most of his time at the library to write on his notebook, which at this point, Keiji was sure was more like a very detailed journal. It was a mystery nonetheless, and even when he asked Kuroo, he told him that Kenma had insisted on keeping it a secret, so he didn’t know much more than Keiji did.

Not only that, but Kenma was actively talking more and more, by making small voice notes on his phone, or taking pictures of things he wanted to ask about later.

In a sense, it was as if a new sense of curiosity had awakened in him.

He wasn’t the only one to notice this, both of his parents and Kuroo had mentioned it to him on a frequent basis, sometimes even jokingly blaming the gradual change of medicine and its effects on Kenma. The mood became lighter, little by little, and Keiji was certain that even after falling, this family could slowly stand up and walk again. One step at a time.

“I know something you don’t,” Kuroo’s playful tone called from behind when he was leaving Haruyama. Keiji was holding an umbrella, making it harder to see the other person when he turned to face him. 

“I’m sure you know plenty of things I don’t, Kuroo,” he replied and began to walk again, hiding his amused smile.

Kuroo frowned, or rather, he made a sound that gave it away even when Keiji couldn’t see his face, and walked just a bit faster to catch up to him. “You’re not fun, humor me and be more intrigued about it, would ya’?” he complained, rubbing his palms together to gain some warmth and then putting them back in his pockets. 

Keiji shook his head almost instinctively while holding the umbrella farther away from him to center it between them. It was the first snow of December. “If I do, would you stop following me to the station every time I leave?”

“Hey, you don’t own the station. Believe it or not, people like me have homes they need to get to,” he quickly replied, making him sort of laugh this time.

Keiji was not sure when it happened, but casual banter between them became more and more regular as they got closer. They shared a similar kind of humor and mentality, so things like trivial arguments and call outs on small things was a common occurrence. A friendship, for the most part.

“So… What is it about? This thing that I don’t know,” Keiji finally asked, being a little intrigued this time. Kuroo would usually be a more direct type of person with him, so beating around the bush was pretty much saved for more personal things, or if he wanted to get Keiji to do something.

Kuroo grinned, leaning forward to catch a glimpse of Keiji’s expression. “Ah, that’s the deal, I can’t break it to you here because it’s a secret,” he explained, and Keiji began to understand more where this was going. “Are you free right now?”

Keiji wasn’t really caught off guard, but still paced his answer to think about it until he nodded. It was Friday after all and he didn’t really have any plans for the upcoming weekend besides his regular list of domestic duties he and his roommate shared.

“Great. Want to hang out at my place? I’d invite you somewhere else, but I really can’t leave that little spawn of satan by himself for too long without him breaking something.” Keiji smiled and nodded once more, remembering the last time he had been at Kuroo’s apartment. The only time he had been there. “Of course, if you’re too tired I’d understand, you just got out of work after all.”

“It’s okay,” he pointed out, assuming he hadn’t seen the second nod or taking it as a definite answer. “I have some time on me right now and I’d love to eat dinner for free at your place,” he added in a calm voice, doting a tone of mockery on it.

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” 

Kuroo’s apartment wasn’t that far away from his own, and the neighbourhood was quite similar as well, which surprised Keiji because he hadn’t noticed before at all. He figured the first time he was there wasn’t really an opportunity to catch on those details.

He had been sitting on the same couch when the food Kuroo ordered arrived, settling for a couple servings of sushi, that they absentmindedly ate there. An old radio station played in the background, Kuroo’s cat munching his food at the corner of the kitchen.

“Could I interest you in some drinks, Akaashi-san?” Kuroo asked graciously while going to the kitchen to check the options. “We have beer, tea and a couple of energy drinks. The menu is really diverse in this restaurant.” he joked.

Keiji raised his hand in front of his face and waved it, as if not to take much importance of it. “Tea is fine, thank you,” was his answer, or at least half of it until Kuroo decided to interrupt him. 

“Oh… Mind getting a little fancier? I have something else,” he pointed out, while closing the freezer door and going for the upper shelf to the right. He took a long bottle out of it, placing it on the counter for Keiji to see. 

“Koshu?” Keiji managed to read on the white label on the wine bottle. 

“A coworker gave it to me for my birthday a while ago, I haven’t had the opportunity to open it though.”

“I think you should save that one for a special occasion, Kuroo. Not for having delivery sushi with your boyfriend’s nurse.”

Kuroo stopped for a moment as he was getting the glasses on one hand and the bottle on the other.

“My what?”

Now Keiji was the one who seemed confused, taking the glass the other man offered on one hand while looking back at him. “Isn’t Kenma your boyfriend? Or… Maybe you two aren’t together anymore? I’m sorry if I brought up a delicate subject.”

“No, no. Wait a second, Akaashi, I think you misunderstood.” A soft laugh came out of Kuroo’s lips while leaving the other glass on the table and opening the bottle with a dry ‘pop’. He poured Keiji’s drink first and left the bottle at the table. Keiji poured Kuroo’s right after. “Kenma and I are not a couple.”

He then waited for the other man to sit again before asking something else. “But you told me… That you’ve been together for a long time.”

Kuroo raised his glass and made it clink with Keiji’s, taking the first sip. To be polite, Keiji mimicked this action and then left the glass on the table. “For a matter of speech, yes, we’ve been together for a long time, but that doesn’t mean that we are in a relationship. I… Confessed back then and all, and Kenma did go along with it, but what I mean by that is that he didn’t stop being friends with me or being by my side, you know?” he explained calmly, as if he had been learning those words to repeat over and over again as an explanation to anyone with the same confusion as Keiji. “Kenma doesn’t see me that way.”  
  
“Oh.” was all the response Keiji gave to the subject, resigning to just start eating his share of sushi instead. He thought he could definitely argue about the last statement, just based on his own knowledge of the two. 

“And speaking of the devil, I didn’t tell you about the secret yet, did I?” Kuroo pointed out in a newly found motivation.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to share your friends’ secrets.”

“Well, I’m about to share the shit out of this one and you can’t stop me.”

“Debatable.”

Kuroo just rolled his eyes and kept on talking. “You’ve seen him more active these days, right? Like, he’s not just playing games all day long.” 

It was true, Kenma had never been really the outgoing type, but he had been taking a lot more action into new interests that often involved documentaries and paper research, the last ‘odd’ occurrence being when he asked Kuroo to bring him a very specific lookbook about mountains in Miyagi from the Metropolitan Library.

Keiji nodded. “I have. I’m glad he’s finding new hobbies.” 

“Oh, but it's not just that. That’s the best part!”

“What do you mean?”

“Oikawa-sensei talked to him two weeks ago.” Kuroo began explaining “He told him there was no way he could stay in Haruyama, or any center for that matter, forever.”

“That… sounds like a threat.”

At that, Kuroo just laughed and shook his head. “Not that way!” he corrected, amused. “But he just… told him that the treatment, in his case, was not to keep him stable but to get him to live on his own. Didn’t the doctor mention this to you?”

Keiji thought about it for a second, then shook his head. “He didn’t, not completely.” he began explaining, “Oikawa-san is the kind of person who would make the first ‘moves’ towards his patients. It’s a really interesting methodology and I haven’t worked with him long enough to know exactly how he does it; but basically, he makes his patients acknowledge what they want before changing anything into the therapy itself, because having a goal means having the will to recover. Various studies indicate that a patient is a lot more likely to recover faster if they have concrete goals they want to achieve.”

Kuroo sighed in disbelief, resting his back on the couch. “So, that’s what it is...”

“But, for him the first step is completely private between him and their patients. Since Kenma is a legal adult, the appointments don’t even need to include his parents if he doesn’t want to.”

“He told me he wants to learn Photography or Media production. He wants to go to college.” Kuroo said, and in his own words were the pure reflection of his fondness and astonishment for the idea. “The fact that he wants to do these things, Akaashi - it’s just amazing. Oikawa-sensei, you, this place… It really has made a world of a difference for him.”

“It wasn’t us, Kuroo. It was Kenma himself.”

Kuroo seemed not to fully understand Keiji’s statement at first, but didn’t dismiss the idea on the spot. “Kenma?”

“Remember when… This is the one and only time I’m going to share something he said to me, okay?“ he warned, knowing all too well his own vows to keep his patients' privacy intact. “The first time we went to the coffee shop by the end of the street, that day Kenma talked to his parents, he told me he didn’t want to make them about him anymore, or rather, that he couldn’t afford it. Oikawa-san might be a facilitator for all of this, but Kenma is the one who took the first step.”

And that was enough to ignite Kuroo’s hopes all over again.

As the conversation went along, they talked more about some vague things Kuroo had heard from Kenma, and all what he could make due with them. Hour by hour, until the food disappeared and the bottle was left completely dry. Until the topic moved to their own jobs, the effort put behind, the times they wanted to quit, and those in which they found their ‘call’ to believe this was the right direction. They talked about their own families, their vision on their own lives and even topics like what they wanted to project on them. They talked, and talked, and talked.

It was until one song emerged from the stereo, resonating all over the room as an acoustic guitar reached their ears, that they stopped.

“Ah, this one's great!” Kuroo cheered, finishing the contents of his glass and turning to Akaashi. “It's so nostalgic… ”

Keiji seemed amused just by watching Kuroo's over dramatic hand motions. “I didn't know about this taste of yours in music,” he said, emphasizing his words to make it sound more shameful than it should be. 

It was indeed a surprise to find out that Kuroo liked old time ballads. In this case it was a relatively old song called Nagori Yuki. According to the radio's DJ, this was “a release from the '70s originally sung by Iruka, but covered this time by Motohiro Hata. A true classic for folk music that introduced modern love songs.”

“There's so much you don't know about me, Akaashi.” he mumbled in a rather melodic tone and started following the song off by heart, word by word and intonation included, which made Keiji laugh again. An easier, sillier laughter.

This year you're even more beautiful…

“How can you not like it? These are the songs our fathers slowdanced to, that’s how they got the girls.” Kuro joked as the first chorus finished. 

“I don't dislike them, it's just a little too sentimental for me,” Keiji replied.

But it wasn't enough to stop Kuroo's ideas, ever since it came out of his mouth. He left the glass on the table and stood up with resolution. It was a mystery to Keiji how Kuroo could drink half a bottle of wine and not even be a little dizzy.

Kuroo offered his hand, Keiji took it.

“Have you ever done this before?” he asked, and Keiji shook his head. That was the only answer Kuroo needed to start leading, placing Keiji's right hand on his shoulder and taking the left one with his own. 

“What about you?”  
  
“Once.” Kuroo said, as he rested his left hand on Keiji's lower back. “At my ex girlfriend's wedding.”

The song moved to the second bridge when they started dancing, carefully rocking from one side to the other, their feet barely moving in short steps. It was slow and silent, except for Kuroo's intermittent humming.

“Must have been a rather awkward circumstance to learn.” Keiji commented, letting the other man drag him closer. Kuroo followed, “It gave us an excuse not to look at each other and instead watch our feet. I didn't want to step on her wedding dress.” 

“So, if.. I can ask, was Kenma an exception, or...?”

You became even more beautiful...

Kuroo laughed “He could be, yes. I never really cared for gender that much, if it feels right, it feels right. I haven't been really for the cause these past years though, you know, after...” 

Even if Kuroo would have finished the sentence, Keiji found this concept to be a little broad. He couldn't picture something like that, since in his case he had only felt attracted to men ever since he was a teenager. 

“What's your story?” Kuroo asked.

“I dated two guys in college. After graduating you run out of time and excuses to meet with people, much less to date so I might as well be out of the spectrum altogether. ”

Kuroo shook his head, amused “I don't think it works that way,” he pointed out “Though, I'm not really sure myself how it does work.”

There was a long silence, in which Keiji could feel his forehead brushing against Kuroo's bangs, only then noticing he had stepped closer. “Kuroo...”

“Want to find out?” 

When their lips met for the first time there was barely any contact, a first step Kuroo had initiated to test if it was the right move. The second contact lasted a few seconds, both meeting in the middle as if to make sure that was the trigger for all the rush the first kiss had left. The third kiss had Keiji wrapping his arms loosely around his neck, while Kuroo embraced Keiji's waist. A kiss that explored the possibilities to enjoy each other's embrace and then asked for more by leaps and bounds. 

That was until Keiji started to let his fears arise and promptly broke the kiss, taking a deep breath that was pushed against Kuroo's cheek right after.

"We can't…" Keiji whispered, placing both hands on Kuroo's shoulders, wanting to push them to get away but refraining from it.

"I told you before, we're not a couple," Kuroo replied in a whisper, as if reading his thoughts word by word.

"Still."

"Was it not good for you?" He asked with a more amused and resigned tone. "It felt right to me."

"That's not it," he insisted. "I don't think you should… With me."

"Akaashi, there's no one I'd rather be with tonight."

And Keiji knew it was a lie, but he couldn't bring himself to stop this time. He didn't stop when his arms were around him again and his lips were taken by Kuroo's. He didn't stop when his hands tangled on Kuroo's locks and started walking backwards to the bedroom, Kuroo leading the way. He didn’t stop when tongues met, or when kisses started to fall on their jaws and necks. He didn't stop when all their clothes were thrown to the ground and Kuroo left love marks all over his body. And he didn't stop when Kuroo kissed him all too sweetly while making love to him.

Because Kuroo kissed like there were feelings, like they were something... Like Keiji mattered.

And the next morning, Keiji woke up again to beige walls and black furniture. To an arm wrapped around his waist and Kuroo sleeping next to him.

He decided he would deal with all of this eventually, things like the sore pain in his lower back, or the heavy weight on his chest. He would deal with it eventually, Keiji decided with a long sigh and closed his eyes.

He would always sleep in on Saturdays anyways.

______ 

  
"Kei-chan!, Kei-chan!" Oikawa called from across the lounge while Keiji and Kenma were talking outside. "I finally found you!" he said, excitement resonating through each word while he talked, too much excitement for ten in the morning according to Keiji. "Haruyama is not that big, how come you’re so hard to find?"

"Maybe if you asked the receptionist instead of entering every single room in this wing…" Keiji suggested.

"Now, where's the fun in that?"

While not quite ignoring Kenma during this, Oikawa just watched at the rim of his eye as Kenma went back a few pages and skimmed through the one he selected, before allowing himself to interact with him. “Well, I did find you in the end, didn’t I?! And along with my favorite patient Ken-chan, of course,” he added, getting no more than an annoyed snort from him. Keiji decided not to comment on that but did laugh a little at Oikawa’s reaction.

“How can I help you, Oikawa-san?”

“Well, I didn’t see you at all last week!” he whined and finally took the small package from behind his back to show Keiji “We didn’t get to celebrate your birthday, so I thought I should at least give you a present. Here.”

“You... Didn’t have to... ” Keiji said, looking troubled while taking the package. “You really shouldn’t have.”

“I believe the right words are ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re the best, Oikawa-sensei’. ” He corrected, flamboyant as always.

“When was your birthday, Keiji?”

"A few days ago," He answered Kenma first, standing up right after to make a small bow and take the package. "Thank you for the gift, I really appreciate it."

"It was on December 5th, Kenma.” Oikawa corrected, “Make sure you let everyone know, this guy won't say a word about it. I think he wants to stay young forever in everyone's mind."

"Noted." Kenma replied a little more amused as he literally wrote it down in his notebook.

"That's not… Necessary."

"Too late. It's on this notebook now, sealed forever, no can do." Oikawa laughed and this time Keiji saw Kenma being at least a little caught on his humor. "Well, I have to go now, see you later!" He followed, "And Kenma, see you this afternoon. Big day today! That is at 4.30." He added, not only knowing Kenma would have it written down on his schedule but also encouraging him to use it if he didn't know what he was talking about. Even in the smallest things, Oikawa seemed to find a way to encourage it as a habit and train these responses on him. 

"Kei-chan, tell me later if you like it!!" And with that, Kenma’s new head doctor was gone, as fast as he appeared.

Keiji sat next to Kenma again, they both inevitably averted their sight to the small package. 

"Should… I open it now? Would that be rude?" Keiji finally spoke up.

"Open it. It's probably a framed picture of himself."

Keiji laughed and lightly shook his head, now focused on opening the package carefully so he didn't tear apart the wrapping paper. Inside, he found a two-piece box with a brand name in the middle. Keiji could figure out what he would find inside, but no hint prepared him for what it really was. 

"He… I should have known he'd overdo it again."

"Is it a pocket watch? It looks fancy."

Keiji shook his head once again and took the watch in his hands. "It's a fob watch." He explained, taking the silver chain on one hand to show it to Kenma. "This part goes attached to your clothes. Nurses are not allowed to wear wrist watches since they could get attached to lines and it'd be dangerous."

"Oh." Kenma replied and took the watch to inspect the pin at the end of the chain and figure out how it worked . "I think I've seen some nurses here use it." He added later. "It looks nice."

"It's really common to receive it as a present when you graduate as a nurse. That is mostly the case for girls though, since they make most models for them."

"This one doesn't look femenine." Kenma added and then motioned to ask Keiji if it was okay to place it on his uniform. Keiji just smiled and leaned forward to let him do it. It was indeed a more masculine model, fully covered in silver and with his family name lightly engraved on the pin piece.

"That's because this one's custom made. This brand doesn't carry fob watches."

"That's why you said he overdid it… Again?"

"That is why. He did this a lot when we used to date." He finished. Leaning back to sit straight. "How does it look?"

"It suits you." Kenma simply stated. “I… Want to get you a present too, Keiji.”

At that, Keiji looked rather surprised, and instantly raised his hand and waved it “It’s okay, you don’t have to get me anything.”

At that, Kenma looked rather conflicted, averting his gaze to the box now between them and mindlessly playing with his fingers. “What about Christmas?”

“Hm, you mean exchanging gifts?”

Kenma nodded. “I’ve never really celebrated that… Up to my knowledge. It would be fun, I think.”

“Hm…” Keiji didn’t really seem to mind the idea of exchanging gifts, it was really a common thing to even give your co-workers some kind of present, but it didn’t quite resonate with what it meant to Kenma in the first place. “Rather than that, do you have plans for Christmas Eve, Kenma?”

Kenma shook his head. “I guess I’m going home if my parents have the day off. They’re not really into this kind of celebrations...”

“We should get together and celebrate then. You know, eat fried chicken, get a cake and do karaoke, that kind of stuff. We’ll invite Kuroo too.”

“Is… That even allowed here?”

“What? Kuroo? I’m not sure, but so far they’ve been letting him in for four months now.” Keiji said while shrugging. The comment made Kenma laugh. 

“We don’t need to do it here.” Keiji replied more seriously this time, “It could be at my place, I’ll have to ask your head doctor and your parents if it’s okay, but I think we have a pretty decent chance to get a yes. That is, if you want to.”

“I… It’s not that, but...” while Kenma seemed on board with the idea, there was still some doubt in his voice “What... About you?” he asked “I’m sure you have better plans.” Kenma stated, but even after that, he kept going, “You don’t have to go out of your way to please the sick guy.”

And at that, Keiji’s attitude changed. It was not necessarily a more defensive one, but there was definitely a more serious color to his words. “Kenma, that’s not what this is. This is not charity.” Keiji started, “You are my patient, yes, but I also consider you as a friend.” he started saying. Even though there were many things he wanted to acknowledge, he needed to make sure he was clear and simple in his words in order not to create any confusion.“I have put my trust into you a lot of times, we have talked about things I personally don’t share with many people,” he followed, “I want to believe you have done the same and put your trust in me, right?”

Kenma took a moment, but nodded.

“I’m inviting you because I think it would be nice to do something for the holidays,” he explained, pausing between his sentences, “but more than that I think, if you’ve never done anything like this before, might as well celebrate the first one with friends.” And Keiji was not lying at all, Kenma has always been a great person to talk to when he needed an honest opinion and perspective on things, and he even had come as far as to share more personal stuff with him, like his relationship with Oikawa in the past and what it meant to him back then when Kenma asked about the subject of being in relationships. “Of course, this is all just talk if you don’t want to do it, which is absolutely fine.” he added at the end, while letting the tone set down.

Kenma looked actually surprised this time, and up until that moment he hadn’t even tried to make eye contact, which was exactly how he gave his next response. “I want to! Let’s do it.” he agreed, and no longer after that, he was writing stuff on his notebook again, looking way more excited about the idea after that clarification.

  
For Keiji, to gather with friends were more or less a rare occurrence, between his work, calls and meetings with his patients’ relatives and doctors, something was always bound to be forgotten or moved to an unspecified date that would actually never occur. This time, he seemed to be in luck with a whole ten days to spare to plan it, he reminded himself of that to make the situation a little less anxious, and if he had any big troubles, he could always ask Kuroo to help.

But, could he really ask for his help? It was Kuroo, after all.

Kuroo. The same Kuroo which texts he had been avoiding for the whole weekend after leaving his apartment that Saturday morning. The same Kuroo that he knew for certain he liked more than he was allowed to. The same Kuroo that was in love with Kenma.

And with that thought in mind, the day went along in hesitation. He couldn't back out nor did he want to, but it was definitely going to be a difficult subject to avoid in the next week, if he wanted to keep this as low key as possible.

But that inevitable encounter came sooner than later, in which he saw the man going through the doors and directly to the nurses counter, saying his greetings to every staff present on the way there.

And even if Keiji saw it coming, he wasn't prepared to face him at all. 

"Good evening, Akaashi-san." Kuroo greeted with a smile. 

"Good evening, Kuroo-san." He replied, bowing slightly, a norm of politeness that would go between them when there were people around. "Kenma is in his room now, but he should be getting ready to go to the gym for his appointment with the kinesiologist, so make sure you knock first." He warned.

"Actually… I wanted to talk to you first. You're on your break now, right?"

"I… Am, but I'm quite busy right now. I'm sorry."

Kuroo made a rather annoyed expression at that time, followed by a bitter smile that tried to cover it. "Got it. Sorry to bother you." He replied, turning to leave to Kenma's room.

Keiji nonetheless, leaned to grab Kuroo's wrist just before he removed his arms from the counter. "Let's talk after my shift's over."

Kuroo just nodded, looking a little more relieved and left. Just after that Keiji went looking for Oikawa. He found him going through some papers by himself in the doctors lounge. 

"If I didn't know you I'd think you're trying to bribe me." Keiji said when he entered the room, making sure to knock a few times first. Oikawa raised his head and responded with a smile.

"It looks great on you. But me having an amazing taste is something you already know, don't you?"

"This is more than I can accept, you really didn't have to."

"Oh, but I already did. You know I can't return it, it has your name on it." He joked.

"That's not what I mean."

"Listen, I've been delaying this gift for a while, humor me." Oikawa responded with a hint of seriousness in his speech.

Keiji sighed, walking closer to the table. "Thank you. It was a very thoughtful gesture, and I liked it a lot."

Oikawa smiled. “You’re very welcome, Kei-chan.”

“There’s… A thing I want to talk to you about, or rather, ask if it’s possible.”

“I’m really working on a full schedule here, I’m afraid I can’t go on dates at all...” he joked, and Keiji just sighed.

“That’s not the case.” he averted, “Would it be... Okay for Kenma to attend a social event that didn’t involve relatives? I mean it as in, there would be some people that he doesn’t know, but of course Kuroo and I would be there. Would that be ok for him?”

This time, Oikawa looked more contemplative, crossing his arms over his chest as he tilted his head slightly to one side. “Like a friends gathering? Is he okay with this?”

“He is. He was quite excited about the idea, actually. I told him I would confirm if it’s possible with you and his parents first, though.”

At that, Oikawa seemed to ease again “I think it’s a great idea if it doesn’t involve many people, you know, in order not to make him feel overwhelmed. But you’re right on the money about the sort of thing that would help him get used to being outside in the future.” he pointed out, “Just make sure to keep an eye on him since it’s the first time, okay? Well, you’re his actual nurse, so I guess Ken-chan couldn’t have asked for a better setting.”

“I will… I’ll take care of him.”

“You really are Mom-nurse Akaashi Kei-chan.” Oikawa teased with a melodic tone.

“Shut up… Oikawa-san.”

“Not cute at all.” he complained, waving his hand later to dismiss the joke. “About what you said, I think it’s better if Kenma tells his parents himself, I’ll let him know that I’m okay with it, so he can go ahead and ask. Give the little guy some independence.”

Keiji doubted at first but nodded “Okay. I’ll be going then, thank you for your time.”

“Oh, and Kei-chan. Let’s meet tomorrow morning, there’s something I need to talk to you about his treatment. Nothing to be worried about! Just some changes we need to implement from his previous schedule.”

Going through with the plan so far sounded achievable, and at that point Keiji believed he could actually make this so-called ‘Christmas party’ work. He would make it work. But as bright as things were going in that matter, not everything was working as smoothly as he would like to admit. In specific, when 8pm came along and he had to deal with that specific conversation he had been avoiding for two days.

Keiji waited outside after saying his goodbyes and leaving the center. Kuroo didn't take long after himself, just a few minutes to grab his coat and greet the staff goodbye as well. Tension built up as he walked through the doors.

"Tough day, huh?" Kuroo said with a rather tired smile. They started walking to the station.

The conversation started as always, circling about Kenma's doings through the day. In this opportunity, it went along how much he hated to exercise, and it amused him to no end seeing him actually pushing himself through it despite being annoyed. 

It would always go like this, halfway through their way to the station. And just as this time came, Keiji suspected Kuroo would go straight to the point.

"I thought you were for sure avoiding me." He started, his hands going into his pockets as he spoke.

Keiji looked at him and sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't reply, I… Had some things I needed to think about for myself."

"That's fair, I guess." Kuroo let out with a sympathetic look. "Can I just say something before you go thinking any further about it?" 

And at that Keiji was curious, nodding along a few seconds later. "Sure, what?”

"I really like you." He started, and the bluntness of it surprised Keiji. "I know you are probably thinking that I'm just trying to forget someone else, I understand how it could look like that, but that isn’t the case at all."

"That's not the problem, Kuroo." Keiji answered, but this time it was more of a white lie than anything. "I don't think what happened that night was to forget anyone." He explained, "I just think it wasn't the best idea."

"... You do know how to take down a man's ego." Kuroo added, amused this time. 

"I don't mean it that way-"

"I know, I know." He interrupted, "I was just afraid you might be overthinking this."

He seemed conflicted this time, "Am I?"

"I don’t really know. But let me ask you, why do you think it was a bad idea?"

Keiji took some time to answer the question, and he had a couple of fair points to share, but he started with the most obvious one. "Because I'm your best friend's nurse."

"So?"

"So… If anything were to happen between us and it didn't go right, it would not only become awkward between the both of us, but it would also inconvenience him." He explained, shortly.

Kuroo didn't seem surprised at all by this answer, in fact, he looked like he knew exactly that it was coming and what to reply to that. "So, what you're saying that if we were to dislike each other suddenly, I wouldn't be mature enough to handle the situation; because I for sure know you would be able to separate work from personal life."

"That's not…" but Keiji had to give that point to Kuroo, because he was afraid of what he couldn't control, and what he couldn't control was Kuroo, in this case.

"What else?"

"If someone at Haruyama finds out, I could get fired."

Kuroo nodded "Fair point... But then again, doesn't that mean we just have to be careful?" Kuroo asked, but kept going after that "Look, I'm not trying to force anything, if you don't want to then it's definitely a no, I don’t want to put your job at risk by any means... I'm just saying that you should give it a chance before deciding if it's a good or a bad idea."

Keiji hesitated, thinking about everything Kuroo had just said while his sight averted to the station now right in front of them. 

Kuroo stopped before him to catch his attention.

"Akaashi, do you like me?"

And time seemed to stop for a second.

"I do."

The train line that passed by Keiji's station was always crowded, mostly because it had transfers with other main lines, unlike from Kuroo's, which was a terminal station. That led him to having to stand by the corner of a door, quite close to everyone else inside the wagon, including Kuroo himself, who was in front of him and had somehow convinced him to walk him home to finish this conversation.

But talking on the train seemed rather rude and awkward, especially when it was crowded like this, so there was not much he could do besides finding a random point in the distance to look at or being inevitably pulled back into overanalyzing every feature of Kuroo's face up close that made him handsome, when the man himself wasn't looking his way. If Keiji were to be honest, he really hadn't felt this attracted to someone in a while.

"I hope you are not expecting me to invite you inside just because you tagged along, right?" Keiji had asked, with a subtle mocking tone in his voice when they got to his apartment, something that would go unnoticed if he said it to someone who had just met him.

"I’m not, actually. I'm just seeing you off. You know, like a gentleman." He replied with a tilted smile on his face. 

"That's very kind of you." 

"Well, what can I say? I'm always this kind." Kuroo intonated and winked at him, “Have a safe trip home, Kuroo-san,” Keiji had said next, to which the other man replied, "Think it over, okay? See you tomorrow, Akaashi." He waved goodbye.

Just as he was leaving, Keiji grabbed his forearm and pulled him inside the building with him, no hesitation whatsoever. 

He didn't say a word until they were on the elevator, and even then there were not words but stolen, demanding kisses that he took from Kuroo, who not only didn't do much to stop them but definitely seemed to miss when they got to the tenth floor and Keiji had to stop to open the door.

They left their shoes, coats, gloves and scarves on the entrance, most of them falling messily on the floor and the couch while they made their way through the living room, never fully letting go of each other.

Keiji closed and locked the door behind them when they entered his bedroom, letting Kuroo undo his belt while Keiji just started unbuttoning the other man's shirt.

He let himself fall onto the bed when Kuroo pushed him to get on top, lifting Keiji's hips after to get his pants out of the way. Kisses would fall on his neck and Keiji would mindlessly make pleased sounds, encouraging them.

He was throwing Kuroo's shirt to the side of the bed when he heard the entrance door, followed by a few rough steps. 

"Akaashi, are you here? Gosh, why are there so many coats on the floor?" A voice called while making its way to Keiji's room. At this point, Kuroo had stopped to look at him with a rather curious look, then Keiji just mouthed 'my roommate'.

"Wait, why is your door loc-... Ohhhhhh." He heard, as the doorknob stopped moving from being tried to set open. "There are some condoms left in the bathroom drawer! Be safe!!" he yelled in a rather enthusiastic tone, which made Kuroo laugh.

"Duly noted, thanks pal!" Kuroo replied instead of Keiji, to which Keiji just hit his arm lightly and rolled his eyes, just picturing the confusion in this poor man's head for receiving an answer from another guy.

But he couldn't bring himself to care enough about it, not when he was being held by Kuroo's bold hands, that went up and down his thighs as if finding the places with his fingers that he would later leave marks with his mouth.

Keiji held to his now naked back, allowing himself to sink his nails into his skin to let out some of the necessity he felt overwhelming him.

And that night was different to the very first one they were together, each time. 

Even though it was there, the affection behind it felt small next to the lust that had then presented itself in their actions. Of how much they needed each other, and of how much they wanted each other. He discovered yet another side of Kuroo, one that could knock all his theories to the ground when it came to convincing himself that he could pass on living and reliving these instances with him.

So that night, he would allow himself to call Kuroo’s name under his breath and whisper it into his ear all night long, asking for more. He would also allow himself to leave a tiny mark right under his ear, as if he were to claim Kuroo for anyone who was fixated enough on him to notice it.

And the world was just that room and them inside, for what it felt like an endless night.

When the morning came, Keiji was glad that his shift started by midday. He wasn't a morning person and the exhaustion wouldn’t make it any easier to start the day at that time. But Kuroo’s shift did start very early in the morning, which was why his phone went off at six thirty and neither of them heard it up until seven.

"Shit, shit, shit! I’m late..." He heard him saying as he got out of bed quickly and started moving around the room. Keiji lazily turned around to look at him while rubbing one of his eyes. "Mind if I use your shower?" Kuroo asked while looking for his clothes somewhere on the floor.

Keiji yawned and sat up, feeling way too heavy of all sudden. "Sure." He said, looking for his pajama pants and a t-shirt to throw on himself. "But I don’t think it’s a great idea to go to work in the same clothes as yesterday though." Keiji pointed out when he saw Kuroo putting on his pants again. 

"That's a very good point. Got some ideas?" He asked as Keiji, who had gotten out of bed and guided the way to the bathroom.

"I think I have some shirts that may fit you, but let me ask my roommate. He's… Bigger than me." 

Kuroo just laughed at the way that was phrased. "I'm counting on you." He finished before closing the door of the bathroom behind him.

Keiji kept walking to the next door and knocked a few times. In theory, his roommate should be awake by this point. "Bokuto-san, are you up?" He called and just a few moments later, the man himself opened the door. 

"Hey, morning!" Bokuto greeted with a cheerful smile and went back to put stuff inside his backpack. "I had to stay at work a few more hours than usual to get a cargo from Nagoya, how was your night?" He teased, adding a big laugh when Akaashi made an annoyed look.

"I have a favor to ask you. Do you have any spare shirts my friend could borrow?"

"Ohhh, so lover boy didn't come prepared. Sure! I'll help out, but only if I get to hear everything later." He offered and Keiji just sighed and accepted with a nod.

It didn't take long for Kuroo to come out again, wearing the same pants but with a towel hanging from his shoulders and his damp hair leaving little drops on it.

Just at the same time Bokuto and Keiji came out of Bokuto's room, the latter with a shirt on hand "Alright, lover boy, does this fi-"

"B-Bokuto?"

"Kuro?!" 

‘Of course they know each other’, Keiji thought. Bokuto just bursted into laughter and not long after, Kuroo followed.

"Bro, take all my clothes if you want, this is hilarious."

"You… Know each other?" Keiji asked, sort of demanding an explanation from the intonation.

"We went to college together." Kuroo answered this time, crossing his arms over his chest. "Actually, we were roommates in college." He added, more amused than anything.

"We were! Oh man, Akaashi, you have no idea…!"

And instead of staying there to find out more, Keiji decided to use that time to go shower and pretend that nothing of that had just happened. 

When he came out he saw Kuroo actually using Bokuto's clothing with no remorse whatsoever, they both seemed fine with it. Kuroo then collected all his belongings and quickly put them back in his bag to make a very late 'quick getaway' at about seven thirty in the morning. 

"Well, I'd love to stay and keep talking but I do have a train to catch." Kuroo said while putting his coat on. "Bokuto, let's catch up soon, okay man?" He added, both grabbing Bokuto's hand and bumping shoulders with him as a goodbye. 

"Oh, of course. I definitely won't let you live this out!" Bokuto joked and let go. Kuroo just rolled his eyes amused and went to the entrance to start putting on his shoes, then aimed the next words at the other man in the room. "Akaashi, see you later? I'll try to come around after I get home. Tell that guy I'm still going." 

Keiji just nodded, "Have a safe trip. Ah, wait." He said while hurrying to the kitchen and taking two wrapped onigiris from the inside of the fridge (food that Akaashi made sure to store for the times he or Bokuto couldn't make their own lunch), then he blatantly put it in the outer pocket of Kuroo's bag without asking. 

"You didn't eat anything last night and you definitely didn’t today, so make sure they don't go to waste." He 'warned', looking up at him with a rather serious expression on his face. 

Kuro just smiled fondly and shook his head. "What?" Keiji asked, confused.

"You absolutely brought this onto yourself." Kuroo answered before raising Keiji’s chin to steal a kiss from his lips. "See you."

And before Keiji could say anything, Kuroo was gone. 

That, of course, didn’t stop him from staring at the door as if it could give him answers to unsaid questions, and it didn’t stop Bokuto from laughing either while he looked at him and took a bottle out of the refrigerator. 

“You look troubled, ‘Kaashi.”

Keiji then stopped himself and traced back to Bokuto. “I do have a big problem ahead of me.” he agreed, and went to make some coffee for himself. “And you seem to know him quite well.”

Bokuto let out another amused laugh and nodded, sitting in one of the kitchen counter’s stools. “It was shocking for me too, I guess the world’s small like that.”

“I guess so.”

“Well, Kuroo’s a good guy, so you shouldn’t worry too much about him. I never see you having fun anyways, so that’s definitely a good thing.” he commented as he rested his forearms on the counter. “Although...”

Keiji raised his eyebrows at the hesitation, taking out a mug from the cabinet directly above the coffee maker. “Although?” he followed, more intrigued this time.

“I don’t think I should be talking about this, I mean it’s been a while since I last talked to him, so things might have changed...” Bokuto kept going while mindlessly tapping his fingers on the table. “You see, back then he seemed really hung up on this guy. Like, he wouldn’t admit it but you know, we all just kinda knew it. Ahh, Mika-chan even got insecure about it and they broke up after dating for a long time... These are some old ass rumors I’m telling you about by the way! So he’s probably over it now.” he added obnoxiously, “I wonder how she’s doing these days...”

“Well, if it is the same girlfriend that I’ve heard of, she got married.” Keiji added, and Bokuto couldn’t help but look at him with a rather curious look. “He told me something like that.”

“Well, at least there’s some good news out of it.” Bokuto cheered, but this time Keiji looked even more hesitant to reply. He sat on the stool next to Bokuto and sighed. “Listen, this was at least five years ago, you know. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Bokuto-san, do you happen to know that person’s name by any chance?”

“The guy Kuroo was hung up on? Oof, I don’t think so...” Bokuto said, making a troubled face, “it was Ken something… Kenta maybe?”

“Was it Kenma?”

“That’s it!, Kenma!” Bokuto said more excitedly. “He told you about him?”

Keiji took a sip of his coffee and left the mug rest on the counter. “Kenma is my patient.” he said. “That’s how I met Kuroo.”

“Oh.” Bokuto mumbled, “That makes things… A little more complicated.”

“That’s a way to put it.”

Bokuto didn’t say anything for a while, which led Keiji to think the conversation was over and took another sip of his coffee.

“We kept in touch after college for a few more years and I didn’t hear anything about this Kenma guy after, you know. So maybe… They’re just close?” Bokuto gave it as a possibility and continued, “As far as I know, Kuroo is not the type to just sleep around with people for the sake of it or just go around cheating while being in a relationship. He really puts his own share of effort into it as far as I’ve seen it, that’s why Mika-chan and him lasted for so long, I guess... I don’t think Kuroo and this guy are anything right now, especially if you two are a thing.”

“But we aren’t… I mean, I don’t know.” Keiji debated, and one of his hands went to hold the weight of his head while the other held the mug. “For anything that it’s worth, he told me they were not a couple, he even told me their story from the beginning. Kuroo never hid the fact that he liked him since high school but Kenma didn’t see him that way so they remained friends. But... Doesn’t that imply that if Kenma ever changes his mind, Kuroo would go for it? I don’t want to get in the middle of something that complicated. If… If he...”

“Wow, Akaashi, slow down, slow down.” Bokuto interrupted, putting his hand over Keiji’s. “I get where you’re coming from, but I think you’re overthinking this way too much,” he added. “Yeah, if you think this is too complicated for you to handle, then you shouldn’t be building up even more stress over it, and I’m with you on that, but right now I think you’re taking assumptions as a given.”

And to that, Keiji looked even more confused.

“I mean, the guy’s been telling you the truth since the beginning, yeah, but more than that... If this Kenma guy really does change his mind after all these years, does that mean that you don’t matter anymore? He gets to be ‘worthier’ than you? You have to know your own value, ‘Kaashi. You’re literally the most caring and nice person I know, and I work with farm aunties and grannies!” Bokuto mentioned, more passionately this time, “... If it does happen as you say, to hell with that guy! I will personally punch his tiny rooster head if he ever hurts you and you can take my word on it! But you can’t live your life in fear like that, and so far I don’t think you should blame him for something he hasn’t even done.”

“I… I know you’re right.” Keiji accepted after a few moments, a long sigh coming out of his lips.

“I want to see you happy, pal. I can tell you like him, don’t think I can’t see you looking all smiley at your phone every time you get a text. That and finding him here today were pretty good signs to me, I mean, you didn’t even invite your doctor boyfriend into the house when you two were dating.”

“You knew about that?”

“I saw him dropping you off once when I was parking the car at the back. Not quite a shock that you like dudes, but rather that you were into the ikemen type, I always thought you would be more into...” 

“Bokuto-san.” Keiji cut him off, “I get it.” he agreed with a sigh, “I just... Like Kuroo very much, it’s frustrating.” and at that Bokuto laughed and got up from his seat, ruffling Keiji’s hair in an affectionate way.

“Then go for it. You might be missing something good out of fear.” Bokuto finally said and went to throw the bottle in the trash. “I better get going now, should I expect you for dinner?” he asked while wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

“Of course.” Keiji just shook his head and gave him a look. “Thank you for the advice, Bokuto-san.”

“Well, did I or did I not tell your mom I would take care of you when you moved to Tokyo?” he asked as he grabbed his backpack from the couch and then an apple from the fruit bowl.

“I guess you did.”

“Exactly!” Bokuto yelled while munching on the fruit. “See you later!”

As the day went along, Keiji got to occupy his mind in other subjects. Subjects like his work routines and new directions from the specialists he worked with. This time, specifically about Kenma.

First thing when he arrived at work was to attend a meeting about the changes Oikawa intended to make in Kenma’s treatment and therapy regarding his rehabilitation, —a concept the doctor liked better than a recovery, in this case. 

Based on the treatment he gave his former patient recently discharged from the center, he planned on giving Kenma a new goal-based therapy that made him capable of living either on his own or with very moderate assistance at most, just as Keiji had explained Kuroo before. Considering Kenma’s health seemed to stabilize after the progressive change of medicine, he decided to follow a plan that made him progress along these months and had him out of the center by the end of April, if everything worked out well. 

“It’s crucial for me that you all understand I am not trying to rush this process to prove any points regarding my working methods, as you might think at first based on these dates and changes. What we are trying to do here is to give a twenty-four year old man back the six years that this disease has taken away from him. And, while the methods used for him by my colleagues in the past were accurate for the type of illness that is being treated, they were and are currently implemented by focusing on the limitations of their age-range’s majority, which is the elderly. These treatments are based on the fact that the body that bears it has a low chance of regeneration or readaptation, assuming the neuronal response is not capable of readapting to isolate the injury in question, which is not the case for Kenma.” Oikawa started explaining to a room full of all (or most) of the people that were treating Kenma, including his former head doctor, his psychiatrist, the kinesiologist, and both the day and night nurses in charge of him, which included Keiji. 

It was amazing for him to think that, out of all of the people in the room, Oikawa might be the second or third youngest person and still seemed absolutely confident about leading a full medical team into this new methodology. One could argue that it was a given, since Oikawa was in fact the son and grandson of three very renowned neurosurgeons, one of them being the founder of Haruyama Center, and the steps he followed were on entirely different levels than any ‘common’ doctors. For Keiji, no amount of given opportunities could make a person hardworking and self-critic, which was what Oikawa strictly applied to himself all the time in order to grow as a professional. He not only had the opportunity to be where he was, but actually used it to its fullest potential to improve his abilities and, in his own words, ‘hopefully give his patients a chance to live and not just survive.’

“While it’s not news to tell you about this degenerative disease, it is that there’s more than one way to stop it or treat it. Kenma’s ailment is believed to be mainly caused by a head tumor so small that it would be more risky to take out than to treat it’s growth with medication. But even if small, it has taken a strong impact on him and, despite the fact that we can no longer recover things that are lost, if in these months we can get to stabilize it on our side and stop its progression to the minimum amount, Kenma will be able to deal with it on a daily basis, even getting to a point in which he will be no longer in need of daily medical assistance but rather regular controls he can handle and schedule along his time. That is the ideal prospect and what we’re chasing after ultimately.” He continued, while going through the notes he had on the table.

“Over the years it has been proven that he is able to acquire new memories under the context of repetition, and over the months that he has been here it has been also proven that his crisis are due to anxiety and stress, and not due to lack of communication, overstimulation or cognitive impairment, which is already a big difference from other patients that bear some sort of memory loss.” Oikawa pointed out, giving the psychiatrist in charge a look as to thank him for the information that he has been gathering on Kenma’s case in that regard.

“Why am I telling you all this? Because what we need now is to abilitate him to do the things that so far had been taken care of by doctors, nurses and relatives. The treatment that Nakamura-sensei and I have been working on, respond to three main fronts. The first one is related to the main issue: his memory loss. This is something that we have already been trying to develop on him, the habit of writing and connecting information that is collected by himself. So far we have been trying with notebooks, but if he wants to use other tools such as his phone or tablets we will allow it as long as it stays consistent. In this aspect, we will need the support of our two nurses, who spend the most time with him; we will start with medicine schedules and tasks that I will give you later in the day. The goal is to have him remember and perform these things by himself by using this methodology, by creating the habit of checking his journal for any doubts he has in mind, and have him write anything that it seems relevant for his future use. Later, we will continue with creating the habit of setting timers for mechanical tasks that could threathen his well-being if forgiven, such as cooking and medicine.” he explained.

“And what do I mean by doubts? I'm talking about names, traits, dates and events. Recognize triggers if possible and let him know about them. We need him to be always confident that he can trust in himself; if not his own memory, then in the one that lies in the notes he takes.” he described and then quickly warned, ”It’s going to be overwhelming the first weeks, so it’s important to remember to take things slow. If he needs explanations or breaks, they are absolutely allowed.” he made a strong remark of this point, while looking at both of them, to delegate responsibilities not only for their patient, but to themselves. “The second one is related to his walking impairment, which he will be working with Maeda-sensei,” he added, referring to the kinesiologist. “This will be mainly to limit as much as possible the need of a walking aid, such as a cane. However, this process will be a lot more flexible, due to the time he has been dependent on it. We will start with the basic muscle training and see how it develops from there.” he continued. “And finally, according to the results we have from these two separate therapies, if in failure, I will personally study the possibility for a surgical approach; it’s important to know that this will be a last resource and only used if absolutely necessary.” 

Along with the correspondent warnings and having all of the parties in the known of said change, the new treatment started to run the very next day. Kenma had decided to keep journaling on his tablet, since it would be easier for him to have access to said information no matter where, but kept his notebook for very specific purposes that Keiji only got to notice along the way. He noticed other aspects too, like the decrease in voice notes but more regular videos and pictures taken with his phone, both of other people and himself. It took him by surprise to see him so envigorated by the idea, and even more when he started taking fast notes and picking on little things, like it was second nature to him. Kenma was indeed a strategist by nature.

Nonetheless, if he had to give an honest analysis, he would say that the first week was undoubtedly hard. Keiji would encourage him to take things slowly, but telling a person who had been passing through life without any real motivation and suddenly got one to slow down, was easier said than done. Keiji would always find himself having to draw the line as a friend and assume the responsibility of a caregiver when these moments came.

By trial and error, the week went along and with that, other aspects of Keiji’s life were slowly fading into the background, for the best this time. Things like his insecurities and fears that appeared when he least wanted them to be there, were now starting to take less and less of his energy and attention. He took into account Bokuto’s words and decided to tell Kuroo eventually that he wanted at least to try, which was a big step for him, because he had always liked to put names on things as some sort of compromise. But, while still having no name for their relationship, Keiji started to enjoy this new found freedom, liked staying at Kuroo’s place when he felt like it or have it the other way around. He liked to have names for things, but slowly, Kuroo’s words were growing more on him: ‘If it felt right, it felt right.’ 

And Keiji would still hesitate before ever accepting it out loud, but making this decision had made him happier, livelier. 

When it came to the day of the Christmas party, it occurred to Keiji that he hadn’t told Bokuto to keep it low on the number of guests, he was glad to find out that Bokuto had been intuitive enough to only invite two people, both Kuroo’s and his acquaintances from college. Both warm and kind people, in Keiji’s opinion. 

It had been a surprise as well when Kenma was the quicker to adapt to them, even going as far as to tease and boss around the younger one when he tried to get his attention: a half-Russian, half-Japanese boy named Lev. It was an amusing sight to watch both of them interact, since Lev was a year younger than Kenma, so Kenma could actually treat him more freely. Also, Keiji could swear Kuroo was about to cry just by the sight of his best friend being actually social for once. 

The other person Bokuto invited was in the same age range that Kuroo and Bokuto, though he looked much younger than both of them. His name was Yaku and he seemed to share the same kind of personality that Kuroo had. Yaku, nonetheless, was quite polite and very careful when it came to expressing himself, but didn’t shy away from reprimanding all of his former school mates if needed. As the night went along, Keiji decided that he liked Yaku the most out of the four collegemates.

Between messy talks, a lot of empty buckets of chicken, Bokuto trying to get everyone to sing english Christmas songs while failing to pronounce half of the words, and a significant amount of eggnog and cake consumed along with bears and, sodas (in his and Kenma’s case), Keiji got to experience as well for the first time what it was like to spend this so-called ‘flashy’ holidays with friends. He wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“Hey, hey. Your folks are outside, want me to drop you off?” Kuroo asked Kenma while holding his phone to his ear and trying to cover the other one from the still going song Lev was singing in the portable microphone. 

“What? Nooo!” Lev whined into the device, making his voice echo through the room. “Kenma-san has to sing Powdered Snow with me!”

“No. But I think I should go now, immediately.” Kenma replied right after that, making everyone else laugh. 

Keiji stood next to Kenma and made a sign pointing at the door, as if asking Kenma to come with him. “It probably isn’t a good idea to let your parents see Kuroo this drunk, they’ll get the wrong idea.” Keiji pointed out and Kenma just snorted, giving Kuroo a look.

“Hey, I’m not!”

As Kenma followed him, he said goodbye in a very quiet voice that was heard by everyone as if it was the loudest sound in the room. In the same sense, he added a general ‘thank you for having me’ and left accompanied by Keiji. 

And when they took the elevator, Keiji looked at him again and grinned. “Did you have fun, Kenma?”

Kenma was writing something on his phone when the question came, so he finished writing first before answering. “I...” He was about to say something, but he stopped halfway through in a gesture Keiji could only recognize as light embarrassment. 

Kenma nodded.

“That’s great then.” Keiji added, looking at the elevator buttons to get some pressure off the younger man. “Was it what you expected?”

And at that, Kenma sighed in a way that Keiji recognized, was amusement. “It was noisier than I expected, Lev was.” he pointed out, while showing him the note he had just made on his phone that read exactly what he had just said. 

“He really was, but I can’t bring myself to be annoyed by it, he was funny.” Keiji added and, at that moment, an alarm went through Kenma’s phone. When he read it, immediately there was a more mischievous expression to his eyes that Keiji couldn’t quite describe this time. 

“Hm? What’s that for?”

As the doors opened again and they exited the elevator, Kenma took out a small present wrapped with a red bow and handed it to Keiji. 

“I didn’t give you a present on your birthday. I wanted to do this.” Kenma has clarified before Keiji could argue that it was not necessary. 

It really caught him off guard, which is why he had to make his utmost effort not to be emotional at times like this. “Is it okay if I open it now?” Keiji asked, to be sure he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with him reacting to it right away. Kenma just nodded.

Greater was his surprise when found inside a silver keychain adorned with engraved patterns on the hook and ended with a small silver owl ornament.

“Did you know your family name shares pronunciation with an owl breed, Keiji?” Kenma asked, as if he wasn’t referencing anything in particular even though Keiji knew what conversation in particular this was about.

“I didn’t know that.” Keiji replied with a smile, without being able to take his eyes off the keychain. The conversation they had the day Kenma could recognize him again.

“Now you have something to match that fancy watch.” 

Keiji laughed lightly, putting the keychain on his keys right away and raising his sight to meet Kenma after. “Thank you, Kenma. As a birthday or Christmas present, it was a very nice gesture of you. I will make good use of it.” he promised and they exited the building while Keiji put back his keys in his coat pocket.

Keiji greeted Kenma’s parents, letting them shortly know of the evening and everything that had happened in general terms, as well as promising to send some pictures and videos he had taken. Kenma didn’t seem to mind this and just made it inside the car with no further words to add. Keiji politely listened to Kenma’s mother thank him again for the evening and he watched them disappear down the street as they drove off.

It had been really worthy of all plans, that evening.

And just when he was about to turn away and go inside again, he felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist from behind. He knew them all-too-well to be surprised by this for more than one second. 

A short kiss was placed on Keiji’s cheek.

“If you tell me one more time how amazing you think I am for doing this for Kenma, I’m going to punch you in the gut right now, Kuroo-san.” Keiji warned, calm as ever.

Kuroo just laughed lightly, close to his ear and unwrapped himself from him. “Walk with me.” 

The request was followed with an immediate weight at Keiji’s right hand when Kuroo intertwined his fingers and put both hands inside this coat pocket. 

It wasn’t a new occurrence, so they had walked a few streets when it occurred to Keiji to ask about it. “Do we have a destination? Or do we just like to bear the cold for fun?”

“Hmm. A bit of both, I would say.” Kuroo replied with no real intention of answering directly. “Have you seen the lights yet?”

Keiji shook his head, and walked a little closer to him as if attempting to get some of his warmth by mere proximity. “I don’t really frequent those kinds of places by myself.”

“There’s a park near that has some, sounds interesting?”

“Sure.” Keiji agreed and looked askance at Kuroo. “You really like these kinds of things, don’t you?”

Kuroo seemed to be more gestures than words this time, which made Keiji smile. “You make it sound so bad.”

“Oh. No, not at all.” Keiji corrected. “I like that part of you.”

The walk came to be quieter than usual, nothing but both of them enjoying each other’s company, relying on the excuse of visiting a park a few streets away from there to watch the christmas lights.

“You know? This year has been crazy...” Kuroo started while they were crossing the street. 

Even if he wasn’t looking, Keiji nodded. “It really has.”

“I… Didn’t ever think we’d end up having a Christmas party at your place by the end of the year, that’s for sure.” Kuroo added with a smile, his thumb brushing over Keiji’s knuckles inside his pocket.

“Hm.” Keiji nodded once more and looked up. “I didn’t think I’d get a birthday gift from Kenma by Christmas either, but here we are” Keiji commented, taking out his keys to show Kuroo said gift, letting himself boast a little about it. 

“You did?” Kuroo looked at him and then laughed under his breath, touching the keychain with the tips of his fingers. “I think you’re officially his favorite now… Wait, wait, birthday? Is it your birthday today?!” Kuroo entonated while Keiji put his keys back in his pocket.

“Oh.. No, it was a few weeks ago, December 5th. I guess we’re officially the same age now.”

“Huh. Well… I wouldn’t say that.”

“You too?”

“November 17th.”

Keiji sighed, amused. “I guess we’re right back to where we started.”

“I guess so.”

They turned left at the next corner, and a road of trees covered by white christmas lights had appeared in front of them at the park. A few people were mindlessly walking down the path, others were just stopping to take pictures and then resume their way.

“It’s like we’re a couple.” Keiji commented, not even bothering to let go of Kuroo’s hand while they were walking along with all the other young couples that came to see them. Keiji could guess most of them were still teenagers. 

“And a very cheesy one.” Kuroo added, which from that perspective made more sense that they cared to admit. “But… What if we weren’t like a couple, and actually...” Kuroo didn’t finish the sentence, because he felt like he didn’t need to. 

Keiji was looking at him a little surprised, but composed himself right away and averted his eyes. “...Actually a couple?” he finished.

“I’m not really the kind of person who just dates half-heartedly… And these days… They just made sense to me, you know.” Kuroo followed, and right at that moment he stood in front of Keiji to keep him from walking, a well-known habit of his. Just then, Keiji could see that Kuroo was trying to find the right words and become unnecessarily frustrated when he didn’t find them. Keiji just let him finish.

“What I’m saying is… I want you to go out with me. For real. The very official title and all the paraphernalia.” Kuroo said, even if joking at the end, with a genuine shy smile on his face. “I know you have to put up with a lot with me, but I do think we work together in the end, is it just me? Maybe I’m getting too far ahead of myself, but you… ”

“Kuroo.” Keiji interrupted. He was smiling fondly at him, calm and sympathetic. Sometimes he couldn’t believe how adorable this person was to him.

“... I want to be the one who gets to call you my boyfriend.” he concluded, and to that Keiji couldn’t help but press his palms softly to Kuroo’s cheeks.

“There, you said it.” Keiji encouraged, making Kuroo laugh and close his eyes. This part of him Keiji also liked: When Kuroo stopped being the confident and enigmatic man that he always portrayed to be and allowed himself to be vulnerable and all over the place in front of him. 

And Keiji suddenly didn’t care who was there to see it. He cared about the man he was with and what he felt when this question reached his ears. He didn’t care about other people, because kissing the man right in front of him to take his nervousness away seemed so much more important than anything else at the moment.

“That’s a yes.” Keiji whispered before Kuroo could say anything, and kissed him once more, and another time after that.

And while Kuroo kissed him back and held him in his arms, Keiji got the feeling that he was alive.

_____

Waking up to an empty bed on a Saturday meant usually good things for Keiji. The days that Kuroo stayed at his place, that was.

He had never been a morning person so, if not essential, he would usually wake up around 10am and walk to the bathroom to wash up without paying much attention to anything or anyone. Once that was taken care of, he would definitely begin to notice the smell of miso soup and steamed vegetables with whatever fish Keiji had bought that week for the specific purpose of being prepared in the kitchen grill by Kuroo; all of that mixed well along with the common scent of hot rice from the rice cooker. 

“Morning.” Keiji would greet the two men already sitting on the table with half-empty dishes, still feeling a bit drowsy. They would greet back in cheerful voices for the most part.

Unlike Bokuto and Keiji who were not very into cooking and would only know the basics to eat healthy and survive the week, Kuroo was what Keiji could only describe as a home cooking enthusiast. He should have seen it coming, considering Kuroo’s interests were inclined to the more traditional and old timey side of things. 

Keiji would sit next to whoever was the closest (Kuroo at that time) and not long after that there would be a couple of dishes in front of him without even asking for it. Kuroo would usually do this out of habit.

“I feel like every Saturday we’re eating later and later to meet Akaashi’s hours, '' Kuroo commented while lightly patting Keiji’s back. “Eat up. Mackerel doesn’t taste as good when cold.”

“Man, how have I missed you, Kuro!” Bokuto said, stealing a piece of fish from Keiji’s plate and gulping it down before Kuroo could catch him. 

“There’s more on the grill, you goddamn owl! Stop stealing stuff!” Kuroo nagged while laughing, trying to get a hit on his hands.

“Yeah, but this one’s right here!” Bokuto complained, dodging Kuroo’s attempts and making Keiji laugh in the process.

Days like these would go by flying and easy, making Keiji feel like he could definitely get used to them.

“Thanks for the food.” Keiji said and just started eating silently. 

“You know what we should do? We should take Yaku and Kai and go fishing like when we were in college” Bokuto suggested while finishing what was left of his rice. “Remember that time we went to Shizuoka? I have some clients there, we can get good fishing spots this time!”

“Bokuto-san, I don’t think you should be planning these kinds of things by yourself without asking first.” Keiji remarked, giving Kuroo a quick look to check for him being uncomfortable.

“It’s okay, really. How do you think he got us to go the first time?” Kuroo commented amusedly and then crossed his arms over his chest “We should definitely get together and do some of that… Maybe a place a little closer to the city, you know, since we all have jobs and everything.”

“What do you mean? It’s close to the city of Shizuoka.” Bokuto pointed out while making gestures with his chopsticks.

“Not my point, Bokuto.” 

“Your points are not good enough, Kuro.”

“You’re going to keep making these kinds of remarks until I say yes, don’t you?” Kuroo finally asked while squinting at him.

“Mmh… Maybe.”

And Kuroo sighed, making it a dramatic defeat. “Fine, we’ll go fishing in Shizuoka some day. And by the way, what do you mean by clients? Coming from you it sounds very questionable.”

“Bokuto-san owns a small food distribution company. He buys organic products from farmers and sells them to supermarkets and restaurants, makes sure they have the proper certificates and if the food they’re selling is what they claim it to be, that kind of stuff.”

“You make it sound so boring, ‘Kaashi.” Bokuto complained, getting no response whatsoever to that matter from him. 

“You always say you’re a food dealer, which does sound very questionable.”

“I am a food dealer! You want the good stuff? You come to me! I'm the best one around.” Bokuto insisted, making a hand sign meant for illegal gambling and laughing right after. “And what do you mean small? It’s an emerging business!, emerging! It's going to be huge in a couple of years, you’ll see… Did I use emerging right?”

“You did.”

Kuroo shook his head and laid back on his seat, “Well, it does sound interesting both ways. Though food dealer suits your style more, I think.” Kuroo agreed, looking back at Keiji with a grin.

“Ohhhh, you boyfriend took my side and I’m taking him fishing, how does that feel?” Bokuto teased, trying to get some sort of reaction from Keiji, who just finished eating and collected all the empty bowls to take them to the sink. 

“I hope you two have such a good time there that you want to stay for the whole week in Shizuoka.” Keiji said, calm as ever, while grabbing the rest of the plates that were empty to repeat the process. 

“C’mon, don’t be like that...” Kuroo stood up, still amused and helped Keiji out.

“‘Kaashi, you’re so easy.” Bokuto just laughed, standing up and helping as well “Well, work calls so I gotta go! I’ve got this for dinner.” he announced, referring to the dishes. Keiji just nodded, not giving him much attention and Bokuto went back to his room to get his backpack.

Kuroo stood next to Keiji and bumped his hip lightly to make room for him. “Hey, I’ll help, so you can stop making that face.” but just as Kuroo went to take the brush, Keiji took it away from him. 

“You made breakfast, you’re not allowed to do this.”

“I’m not?”

Keiji shook his head and started washing the dishes. Kuro just snorted and went to hug him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Then I’ll stay here and supervise.”

“Kuroo-san.”

“Hm?”

“Have I ever told you you’re a pain in the ass?”

Kuroo laughed, “Only a few times.”

“Well, aren’t you two the cutest couple on the face of this very apartment. I'm almost moved to tears.” Bokuto teased in an overly dramatic tone, making them both turn to face him. Kuroo didn’t let go.

“I know, right?” Kuroo teased right back, “Maybe someday we’ll get to say the same about you and someone else, if that ever happens.” he said while intonating as to mock him.

“That’s low...” Bokuto responded while pointing at him, the smile still hadn't left his face. “I’ll get back at you, see ya later, jerk... Bye, Akaashi!”

“Have a safe trip, Bokuto-san.”

And right after Bokuto left, Kuroo got back to ‘business’. He leaned in and started leaving short and soft kisses through Keiji’s neck and shoulder. “You really don’t want me to help? I don’t mind.”

Keiji shook his head lightly. "I'll rather have you doing what you’re doing right now.”

At that response, Kuroo just smiled and turned the water off, making Keiji turn around right after. "The dishes can wait and you know I can do a lot more than that with my mouth."

A sigh came out of Keiji's lips as he dried his hands on the side of his t-shirt and then placed them in Kuroo's chest. "Sorry to ruin your plans, but I haven't even showered yet, so that's a no."

Kuroo easily picked Keiji up in his arms before he could react. "A shower it is then."

And things like these also went by pretty easily. Kuroo getting his way and Keiji letting him because he could and he wanted to, as simple as that. Keiji's life started to get shaped more and more to accommodate him in it, to let himself trust and find joy in the fact that he took the risk to make this decision.

Because everything was different but no different at all. Kuroo hadn’t been one to change his life upside down, instead, Keiji would come to find that wherever he lacked, Kuroo came to be a good compliment and vice versa. He learned that there were silly fights and sillier make ups like any other couple, but that everything, the good and the bad, made him believe that it was worth it.

He also came to realize there were sides of himself that he hadn’t allowed to show in a long time as well. The overprotective Keiji, the one that could play along with anyone’s humor, the Keiji that actually liked to spoil his partner and the one that allowed himself once in a while to be openly affectionate, in his own way.

And Kuroo had been correct all along: All of it felt right, it felt so right.

When January came to an end, this was already an everyday reality, a routine, those that Keiji was so fond of. More often than not, he would find himself looking at stuff that ‘Kuroo might like’ or that ‘Koma could play with’. It was an involuntary reaction, but one that was based on pure change of pace. 

It didn’t come as a surprise just for him, but to those around him as well. Comments from other nurses came in the form of phrases like “she must be very special to have our ever so earnest Keiji-kun all smiley” and getting an amused snort from Kenma whenever they were trying to get more info out of Keiji of this ‘woman’ when he came by to pick up his pills.

Though, the most remarkable comments he received were from both Mrs.Ogata and Oikawa himself. 

Mrs. Ogata was the first one to find out, according to what she told Keiji one day after New Years; for her it had been a pretty obvious fact from there on.

"You have the eyes of a lovesick puppy, dear. Who's the lucky guy?" She had asked one night when Keiji was about to finish his shift. 

"I'm... Afraid I'm not following you, Ogata-san." Keiji responded, playing along and seemingly confused by this remark.

"Oh, in my years I have fallen for a lot of men like you, honey, it's okay. You know what they say for us girls, all the good guys are either taken or.. Well, you know." She explained with a rather humorous tone. "We can say it's a girl if you want, that's fine too. I just want to hear if you’ve got yourself a keeper."

Keiji was not about to respond directly to that, but considering precisely the good relationship and confidence he had developed with the woman over the past year, he couldn't lie to her. 

With a short sigh and a dim smile, he said "I don't know if he's a keeper, but I do want to keep him around for as long as he allows me to either way."

The second one was almost at the end of the month, and it really wasn't Oikawa who had made the situation memorable but how did he find out about it. 

Apparently, Kenma had sent a picture to Kuroo of Oikawa joking around and trying to hug Keiji, captioned as 'Doctor Conceited is trying his luck again' along with a few emojis to lighten the mood of the text and make sure Kuroo got the joke as such.

However, this had turned out to be not quite as funny to Kuroo, who wouldn't miss a second of his time since he crossed the entrance to ask about it, concerned that if Oikawa had this sort of behavior around Keiji, he might be getting the wrong idea when flirting with him and actually believe Keiji was interested as well.

Just before Keiji could reply that this wasn’t the case, Oikawa had shown up to get Kenma’s file and Kuroo didn’t miss the chance (taking advantage of not being in the presence of any more staff than the two of them) to talk to him.

“Listen, I know you probably don’t mean any harm and Akaashi is just too polite to argue about it, but this is definitely not okay.” Kuroo had shown him the picture and talked with a voice that Keiji could only describe as an officer catching a criminal who committed the same crime every day.

Oikawa had just looked at Akaashi for a few seconds, surprised, before catching up to some part of what was going on and playing along. “But why not? Kei-chan and I are very close, so, so close. I know he’s very fond of me, trust me."

"That doesn't really seem to be the case with stuff like this."

"Oh, but he really likes me a lot! He's just playing hard to get, if you know what I mean...” Oikawa said in a more suggestive tone.

“Oikawa-san...” Keiji had warned when he considered he was taking the joke too far.

“Considering you’re talking here about my boyfriend, I really doubt that's the case, Oikawa-san.”

Keiji sighed “... And you fell right for it.” He lamented while taking a palm to his face.

“Boyfriend?!” Oikawa asked at the same time, more surprised than anything, “Kei-chan, how come you’re dating someone and you didn’t tell me?"

“There’s a reason for that. Something about being careful at work because it could be troublesome if people find out, right Kuroo-san?” Keiji said a bit fed up with his reaction and gave him a look.

“W-what? I just thought-"

“Oikawa-san is not interested in me, he just wanted to know why you cared so much about it, and you just… Went and told him.”

“Oh.”

“Kuro-chan, thank you for making it so easy.” Oikawa sang while making a victory sign. “But don’t feel bad! It happens all the time, I’m just too good at getting what I want.”

“Akaashi, I’m sorry. Listen… “ Kuroo blatantly ignored Oikawa while apologizing, “ It wasn’t my intention at all-"

“Let’s talk about it later, okay? I’m not mad, I just think this is not the place for it. Oikawa-san is actually the safest option if someone here had to find out.”

“I… Okay. Still, I’m sorry.” Kuroo insisted, and this time Keiji just placed his palm in Kuroo’s arm.

“I know you are. Go say hi to Kenma, you only get him for twenty minutes before he has to go to the gym.” Kuroo just nodded and went to Kenma’s room, but not before giving Oikawa a somehow vicious look as he left.

“Quite the watchdog, this Kuro-chan.” Oikawa teased and Keiji didn’t even look at him while replying.

“He’s just being protective… And a dork.” Keiji described without much expression to it, “He was worried you might be getting the wrong idea about us.”

At that, he laughed lightly, "Well, now that you mention it, he was awfuly polite for a jealous boyfriend... 'I know you probably don’t mean any harm', if it was me I would be throwing hands right now to defend my Kei-chan's honor."

"You say it as a joke now, but I do remember some arguments about the subject in the past." Keiji commented as he handed Kenma's files to him.

"Too young and too bold, really." Oikawa admitted, "Not that it was an excuse or anything, but you have a thing that makes people want to protect you." He took the files and grinned at Keiji. "How lucky, Kei-chan.” he sang, “You were born to be loved."

By the time February came, there wasn’t much more to it than just the rumors about Keiji dating this mysterious person settling down and Keiji felt like he could finally breathe again. They didn’t go away completely, but it had become more like common knowledge no one needed to address anymore. Sometimes Keiji and Kuroo would discuss these things during their days off, but had easily come to the conclusion that they were doing everything they could to keep it a secret from everyone else, even though that would mean sometimes having a hard time because of it.

They were mature enough to let comments pass and keep moving forward.

And when the time came around February 14th, Keiji had taken the decision of making a gesture. He wasn’t sure what it would be, and it would definitely have something more of a symbolic meaning than an actual celebration, since this was usually the day women would give presents and make chocolate for their boyfriends. Keiji didn’t care much about this kind of tradition, but thought it would be a rather convenient date to do so, since Bokuto had been out of town that week for business, and he did want to do something for Kuroo.

To plan for this, he had taken half a day off as a measure. His administrative days had come to accumulate since he never took them, so he thought it might come in handy to take a few hours of one so he could prepare for it. He didn’t like to miss a workday without a good reason, but his boyfriend definitely was a more-than-enough reason to do it.

Neither of them liked big events anyways, so he planned for an evening at Kuroo’s favorite coffee shop that would then lead to Keiji's apartment for dinner, where he had made some preparations and had actually attempted his luck with homemade chocolate, since Kuroo had joked about always wanting to receive at least one from the person he was dating, ever since he was in middle school. “Like in the movies,” he said.

Keiji made sure to notify about his absence to Kenma as well, so he could be aware of where he was and not be worried about his or Kuroo’s absence in the evening. He even told Kenma more about the surprise he had for Kuroo, and Kenma had just made a note along the lines of ‘Keiji’s being cheesy and surprising Kuroo today for Valentine’s, that’s why they’re not here today.’ and moved on with his day, claiming that he could also use a break from Kuroo.

When the clock reached 2pm, Keiji left the Center and went back home to change clothes to something he would never admit had picked as a date outfit, then headed to Kuroo’s workplace knowing he would be out by 3:30pm.  
  
‘Is your shift over?’ Keiji had sent over a text when he got there and waited outside by the side of the building. A few minutes later, he received a reply.

‘Yeah, I’m leaving work right now, did something happen?’ He received just as he saw Kuroo on the other side of the entrance, grabbing his phone with one hand and basically everything else he owned on the other. He could notice from there his hair was a little messy for putting his scarf in a hurry, and laughed softly at that. 

‘Not much. Use your scarf properly, it’s almost touching the floor.’

At that moment, Kuroo raised his head and looked around, only to find Keiji looking right back at him while waving his hand slightly as a greeting.

“Well, don’t you look handsome on this fine evening.” Kuroo complimented as he got closer to where he was. “What are you doing here?” he asked, while trying to put back some of his things in his suitcase and his phone back in his pocket. 

“I had to run some errands today, so I needed to look more presentable.” Keiji explained, taking the liberty to fix Kuroo’s scarf and hair as he dealt with the rest of his stuff. “Since I finished early, I thought I’d come pick you up.” he followed, calm as ever. “Was it a bad idea?”

Kuroo just smiled, the way he always did when he thought Keiji was making unnecessary questions. “Kei, you’re being pretty gay right now and there’s no one looking so, can I kiss you?”

Kei. Kuroo would always call him that when they were alone, a habit that came a few weeks into dating and that was in to stay when Kuroo came to notice just how much it bothered him that Oikawa got to call him ‘Kei-chan’. Keiji allowed it since it was only used when there were just the two of them and concluded as well that he actually liked it.

Keiji rolled his eyes and tilted his head a little to meet Kuroo halfway in a short kiss. Kuroo smiled wider after it and Keiji decided to start walking first so he couldn’t tell there was a very light blush to his face that was not provoked by the cold weather.

And as they were walking, Kuroo just kept on going about how rare it was to see him outside work at this hour, of how surprised he was when he saw him standing there, of how nice those clothes fit on Keiji and that he should dress like that more often. 

Keiji just let him talk, taking the compliments ever so often with a small nod that would acknowledge and thank them.

“I have the rest of the evening free, so… You want to go grab some coffee with me at Nendai? After that we could...” Keiji had asked as they were reaching the station. 

“Huh… Well, I think I’ll pass for today, we could go on Saturday though! I don’t want that guy to feel left out on this very corny day, you know.” Kuroo had responded at the same time that he pointed at some advertisement for Valentine’s Day at a store nearby, as if Keiji didn’t know what he was referring to. 

“Oh, look what I bought him!, he’s definitely going to hate me!” he followed with a light laugh while taking a small box from his suitcase and showing it to Keiji. Inside it, there were a few black and white chocolates in the shape of cats and adorned with caramell to give it eyes and whiskers. “I saw it this morning in a bakery at the station. Guess we’ll be eating chocolate today after all.”

Keiji didn’t say anything for a moment, just looking at the box for a few seconds and then taking out his card for the subway when they reached the gates. “I’m sure he will still love it and take many pictures of it before eating them.” Keiji replied amusedly, giving him back the box.

“Sure he will. Else I’m eating everything in this box. Of course, I’ll give you some of his share too,” he grinned as they were walking to the platform.

Keiji didn’t reply to that.

And the rest of the trip to Haruyama was more regular than ever: They chatted, they joked about some things, they talked about their day and things that kept them busy that week.

When they reached the entrance, Keiji stopped and looked at Kuroo as he made his way to the doors before speaking up, “I still have some things to do, so this is as far as I go. Sorry.”

Kuroo turned to face him with a rather surprised look. “Oh... I thought you had the rest of the evening free.”

“Well... I guess I didn’t express myself quite well. I meant a few hours.” he corrected, feeling the tension built up on his fists, hidden inside his coat pockets. “I should make the most out of my only day off, I don’t get these very often.”

Kuroo still looked troubled but nodded at the end. “I guess I’ll see you tonight then?”

“I don’t know at what time I’ll get everything done, so I guess it’s better if we leave it for tomorrow." He said as he tapped his thigh with the tip of his fingers inside his pocket, "Besides, tomorrow’s Friday, right?” he added with a dim smile, one that Kuroo corresponded. 

“Right! See you tomorrow then.”

“See you.”

And, as Keiji turned around to start walking to the station, he made sure he sent a message to Kenma, letting him know that Kuroo was on his way and how he had to cancel his plans due to some things that came up for Keiji. He didn’t want Kenma doubting what he wrote, so he had to let him know.

When the message was sent, Keiji left his phone back in his pocket and a foreign feeling found him, one of hollowness and fragility. 

It was odd, because Keiji could very logically understand every decision that led him not to tell Kuroo, but still felt like a small splinter poking at his chest every now and then with each step.

He made it home in less than an hour, left his keys and coat at the entrance and let himself fall on the couch. He didn’t know how long he was there, but before he knew it, the room was dark and the streets quieter. He couldn’t bring himself to get up and turn on the lights.

Keiji looked once more at the table all set up, the wine bottle in the middle, and the small red box next to one of the plates. He laughed at the memory of what that was: The homemade chocolate, left on the table in a very meticulous wrapping that now felt like it was laughing right back at Keiji.

He came to the conclusion that it wasn’t Kuroo’s reaction that made him set back, but really all that represented: Fear. Those fears he had left back in December. All of them, coming right back to haunt him.

He blamed himself because it was his fault, no matter how he put it. 

Letting Kenma know was the first mistake. Being accustomed to his gradual rehabilitation, he had let the line of friendship come loose at the delimitations of his responsibilities. Keiji wasn’t the one to tell Kenma they were dating, but he was the one to give more information to him as it was okay to do it. As if they weren’t putting him in a tough spot as his patient and Kuroo’s friend, if anything ever went wrong.

The second mistake was forgetting how he met Kuroo, and why he got to be with him. He needed to remember why he fell for him and what Keiji's role in this whole story was. He couldn’t possibly think of himself as a priority for Kuroo, like he had forgotten along these three months of casual dating. 

Kuroo was there for Kenma, Kenma needed him. He should make his peace with that, and enjoy their time together in the times he could.

This evening had been a small gesture, but it was something that didn’t consider Kuroo’s priorities, and for that Keiji only had himself to blame.

Kuroo was so good to him, so why wouldn’t he just be content with what he had and let this one small thing go? Why did it matter?

Keiji allowed himself to feel empty that night. To feel silly, and to recompose in that short time to show a smile the next day when the doors of the Center opened and he saw Kuroo again.

____

… And snow is falling down, out of season…

“... Hello?”

“Keiji?”

Keiji’s throat was hoarse from having just woken up. He hadn’t even looked at the name on the screen before answering it but, hearing this voice, this name, he could tell immediately who it was. 

He opened his eyes and found himself in the living room, the sunlight hitting directly into his face as he sat up. 

“Kenma, hi.” he managed to say as he stretched his free arm and his torso, letting himself rest on the back of the couch right after. “So rare to receive a call from you. Is everything okay?”

Kenma didn’t reply right away but Keiji was so accustomed to small silences between their talks that he didn’t even question it. He could actually picture him nodding instead of replying out loud. The thought of it made him smile. “Yes, I… Actually wanted to see how you were.”

That comment actually surprised Keiji, making him sit straight on the spot, as if he had been caught by a teacher at school. “Me? I’m okay. Why are you asking?” he questioned, but quickly corrected himself “Oh… Is it because of what I told you yesterday?”

“Hm… That and, you’re not here today. I thought something might have happened.”

“What?” Keiji asked, not fully understanding the topic “My shift starts at noon.”

“It’s 2pm.”

“It is?!” His eyes went straight for the clock in the wall, feeling the rush on his head for standing up so quickly. “I just.. Fell asleep really late. Your call woke me up, actually. I’ll be there in an hour, thanks for calling, Kenma.” Keiji answered in a more polite manner, ending the conversation to get ready.

“Keiji… Is really everything okay? About yesterday...” Kenma asked before Keiji got a chance to say goodbye.

“It is, don’t worry about it.” he quickly clarified, “Bokuto, my roommate, asked me to pick up some things since he’s outside town so I had to call it off.”

“... Okay.” Kenma replied after a while. Okay. See you later then.”

“See you.”

As he rushed through the day, Keiji got there a few minutes past 3pm, after getting ready and practically running to and from the station to the Center. He had to deal with the inconveniences he caused and apologize for any mishappening before resuming his normal schedule, trying to dismiss all the worry lent behind his coworkers faces for arriving late. He felt like an idiot every time he thought about the real reason behind it.

Dealing with the concern that Kenma had over him was a lot more of a challenge this time. He deeply appreciated the thought behind it and could easily tell he was touched by it, but the more Kenma let him know his worry for him, the more he felt guilty about how involved Kenma had been with his own well-being.

He had decided that night to stop feeling bad for himself and start fixing everything he got wrong during these months

“Keiji-kun, have you seen Oikawa-sensei?” one of the nurses asked him when it was a few minutes past four, she was leaving after her shift handover.

“He should be here in a few minutes. Do you need me to give him a message?” he pointed at the files he had been sorting out for him.

As soon as Keiji offered, the girl went behind the counter and took some envelopes from one of the drawers under her name. “I’m in charge of one of his patients, I’ve been trying to find him for a while. He told me to give me the results of these tests as soon as they arrived, could you give them to him for me?” She asked, leaving the envelopes on the counter, almost taking a positive from Keiji as a given.

Keiji looked at them for a moment and nodded, “I will. Have a nice weekend.”

“Thanks! You too, Kei-kun!”

And as always, he took the same path to the doctors lounge, expecting to find him there working as always; both the envelopes and Kenma’s files on his hand as he was about to knock on the door.

What he did not expect was hearing another voice inside the room, immersed in conversation with Oikawa. Keiji thought twice about knocking before making an entrance, but Kenma’s name being brought up in the conversation made him refrain. As the talk went along, he realized the other voice belonged to Kenma’s former head doctor.

“... It’s remarkable to see the progress, I must say. Your father has been looking into the case recently and was fairly surprised with it.” the older man said in a rather enthusiastic tone.

“It’s really more about the patient than the process, Murami-san.” Oikawa had replied, “Kenma has been very hardworking and meticulous with his own treatment, all we can do right now is to act as the best support that we can for him to progress,” he explained in a voice that Keiji recognized was rather dismissive, especially towards the mention of his father. “Of course, I’m more than happy to see the ‘push’ we gave him has been helpful so far in his day-to-day life.”

“Most definitely,” the older man agreed, but this time he hadn’t been as cheerful as the first time, “but I would be careful with these matters if I were you, Tooru. It’s great that so far it has been working well along with the new medications, but you need to draw the line somewhere as the person responsible for this young man’s health, being recklessly optimistic can be just as dangerous for him.”

At that, Oikawa had remained silent at first, and Keiji had to lean on the door to be able to hear him talk, “What do you mean by that, Murami-san?”

“Luckily, everything has been working out just fine, but we know the trial period is very uncertain.” he explained, “your words right now are all he has to hang onto. Everything you say and project on this boy is the absolute truth to him.”

“I’m... I’m aware.”

“And, you know, there’s this saying... A bird never flew on one wing. There’s nothing deadlier than teaching a bird with broken wings how to fly, it will never take off.”

“Excuse me.” Keiji interrupted, opening the door immediately after knocking a couple of times. “Oikawa-sensei, Murami-sensei, sorry to interrupt.” he followed, “I’m here to give Oikawa-sensei the files he requested. Also, there are some test results for one of the patients that arrived today.” he took a few steps to the table and left them there. 

“Akaashi-kun, it’s been a while.” the older doctor said, looking at him with a fond smile that he had generally saved for his patients.

Keiji bowed, giving no more than just a short polite look. “We saw each other a few days ago for the meeting, though I understand what you’re saying. Have you been well, Murami-sensei? Hopefully you find work not to be overwhelming.”

The man waved his hand in a dismissive manner. “Everything’s going perfectly. I had to come back to help this one.” he added while patting Oikawa’s shoulder, “Though it looks like he needs none of that these days.”

“Thank you for your hard work, Murami-sensei. You have been a great help for this process.” Keiji said, expressing his gratitude in a rather subtle way. “I also believe Oikawa-sensei is well aware of his strengths and limitations. I trust the decisions he has been cautiously taking so far, concerning Kozume-san.”

“Akaashi-san, thank you for this.” Oikawa added, rather cutting him off while he took the files and raised them to eye-level, making sure Keiji got the hint.

“Bold as ever, Akaashi-kun.” Murami added, not ever wavering from Oikawa’s interruption. “Hopefully the will that you younglings carry can rub on some of us as well.”

“I’ll be taking my leave now, it was a pleasure to meet you again, sensei.” Keiji bowed to both of them and left the room.

It had been a rather sensitive subject to bring up and Keiji knew it, he also knew he should not have let it affect him to that point, but he trusted that his words had been polite enough to convey his point without carrying too much hard feelings in them. And if it hadn’t, Keiji would have to deal with Oikawa’s reprimand later.

He had to remind himself that he had a job to do, and couldn’t be distracted by these kinds of thoughts. By the time he had to take his leave, even the person that was now waiting for him at the door hadn’t even crossed his mind, and it was until he saw him waiting mindlessly while rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet that he had remembered the promise he made the day before.

“Shall we go?” Kuroo asked just as he looked at him with a smile, one that could make Keiji forget and forgive. As for this time, it made it both comforting and unfair.

The way they walked, the pace their words were told, everything felt like a nice familiar routine after being bothered by unwanted thoughts all day long. The look in Kuroo’s eyes when he told him things he was excited about, and the way he would sneak his hand in Keiji’s coat pocket to take his hand. 

Keiji liked him so much, it felt unfair.

“So, is he really out today? Am I going to hear the safe sex pro-tips through the door again?” Kuroo joked as they entered Keiji’s apartment. “I swear, if he starts talking about the different kinds of things I should not be doing to you in bed we’re gonna have to break up.”

Keiji just rolled his eyes, amused by the comments as he hung both of their coats in the peg above the shoe closet and lightly organized the shoes down the step to make room for Kuroo’s. “He was just trying to mess with you.” Keiji commented as he made his way to the bathroom to wash his hands. “But yeah, he’ll be back by Sunday, if everything works out okay.”

Kuroo hummed, following him just to make a rather curious yet suggestive expression at him. “You do know an awful lot about his job, not that I’m judging, it’s just really surprising.”

“Well, we have been living together for about three years now. It’s easy to learn the dynamics of his job when he’s so open about it.” Keiji explained, stepping out of the bathroom door to let Kuroo in. 

“That’s a long time...About the time I lost contact with him, actually.” Kuroo added, washing his hands and stepping in front of Keiji to wrap his arms around his waist. “Guess it wasn’t the time for us to meet.”

“I guess so. Do you believe in that sort of thing?” Keiji asked, genuinely curious about the subject. “In destiny and stuff like that. Something that is not drying your hands on the back of my shirt.”

“Ahh, you’ve caught me.” Kuroo sighed and laughed right after, taking his hands out of his back to show them in front of his face, as if to admit his guilt. “But, now that you mention it, I never really thought about it… I guess I do? To some extent, at least.” he explained in a conclusive tone, as he made his way to the kitchen, ”want me to make you dinner?”

And, as routines go, Keiji was about to accept the offer when Kuroo interrupted at the same time he opened the refrigerator. “You have… A lot here.”

“Oh.” was the first and almost only reaction to that. Before going out, he was careful enough to clean the table and set everything back to normal, thinking about this moment in specific, but he had absolutely forgotten about the food he ordered the day before. “I do have leftovers from yesterday, I forgot. Let me just reheat those.” Keiji quickly explained, rushing to the fridge and patting his shoulder a couple of times to dismiss Kuroo from the kitchen.

“Those are leftovers?” Kuroo asked, letting out a loud laugh, “How much food was there in the first place?” he added, quite amused with it.

“Kuroo-san, why don't you set up the table?" 

"Got it, got it." He received as the only answer, knowing at least Kuroo would sense the tone in his words and honorifics. Just as he asked, the other man was already doing as he was asked to. 

It wasn't long enough before Keiji would come to regret this decision. "Hey… Kei."

"Hm?" He answered without turning around.

" 'To Kuroo. I'm really not good at cooking but I could manage this much. Hope that's one less childhood dream to fulfill.’ " Kuroo read, and Keiji froze instantly. "What's this?"

"Oh, that's just… You said you wanted to try homemade chocolate once so I gave it a try, but it's not good, so I threw it away."

"So it wasn't good.” Kuro repeated, looking at the box again and left it on the counter. “But you wrapped it before throwing it away."

“I...”

"Kei." Kuroo came close to him and placed a hand on his nape to get his attention, brushing his hair lightly in the process. He looked straight to his eyes. "You know how I feel about these things, tell me the truth."

Keiji sighed and averted his sight, taking Kuroo's wrist to move his hand away from him. Digits on Keiji’s right hand started to tap on his side, restless. "I wanted to give it to you yesterday, but I forgot it here and thought it wouldn't make sense to give it to you if it wasn't on Valentine's Day. That's all there is to it."

Kuroo didn't react to what he said. Instead, he looked down and drew a tired smile on his face. "Did you know...?" He asked while taking Keiji's hand off his wrist to interlace their fingers and lightly pull him to the living room. "When you lie or get anxious you start fidgeting with your fingers." He added. Only then Keiji realized what he was doing and stopped. "I'm not going to keep asking if you don't want to tell me, but I think you shouldn't keep secrets from someone who cares about you, especially if it makes you anxious. I’ve tried to be this way with you too, haven’t I?."

Keiji refrained from looking at him, letting his malaise cease before sighing and look up again. “I really don’t know if I should tell you, it’s nothing serious.”

Kuroo smiled dimly and fixed a few locks of Keiji’s hair behind his ear. “Tell me.”

It took every part of Keiji not to go overboard with explanations, but as objective facts go, he told him everything he had planned and rushed to explain that he knew he was the one at fault there, of how insensitive was for him to feel that way in the first place, that he knew it wasn’t logic to act like that. He ended up apologizing.

“You’re really incredible.” Kuroo had just said at the end, letting a light laugh come out of his lips. “You don’t need to apologize for that, you really are an overthinker.” He added, and released his hand to embrace Keiji, letting him settle between his arms. “No one has ever done anything like that for me before, to think that you plan all of this and I was the jerk who rejected you.” he followed, moving his palm up and down Keiji’s back in a soothing way. “The timing was… Not the best for that, but the thought behind it, and you… Did all of this, that’s something I’m really grateful for.”

“I guess it wasn’t.” Keiji had replied while deciding to rest his forehead on the other man’s chest and just let himself be embraced. “Kuroo. I-”

“If you’re going to apologize again we’re going to have a problem.” Kuroo interrupted with a warning that made Keiji sigh and laugh silently as he wrapped his arms around his torso.

“I love you.” Keiji silently confessed, making Kuroo lean back to be able to look at him. His hands went to Keiji’s cheeks, making him lift his face up.

“I love you too.” He replied with confidence and a smile, just before kissing his lips slowly, a long time that made Keiji feel as what people call ‘on the clouds’. “Now let’s have this late Valentine’s Day date, shall we?”

Keiji nodded and let go, coming back to the kitchen to take all of the food out of the stove. He didn’t realize when Kuroo opened back the box and took one of the chocolates to eat them until he made a rather enthusiastic remark.

“You really are something, this is actually really good!”

“That’s… Gross. Don’t eat things you take out of the trash.” Keiji nagged, aiming to take the box out of Kuroo’s hand, which only led him to hide it from Keiji.

“Don’t be dramatic, it was inside the box in the plastics garbage. This chocolate’s mine, it had my name, so no can do!” Kuroo cheered as he ate another one.

“You’re an idiot.” Keiji just rolled his eyes as he served both plates and put them on the table. 

“And you’re dating this idiot, what does that say about you, hm?”

There were things unsaid and times in which he thought the best thing was to just let them go, but it was progress for him as well. Keiji came to the conclusion that talking to Kuroo about it made a big difference.

But that night, after Kuroo fell asleep and Keiji still was in the midst of sleep and awake, it came back. That splinter found its way back to his chest and kept hurting him, just a little. 

  
When the first days of March arrived, there was a lot to be done in the Center. A lot of things were changing and that included from schedules to patients and staff. When the third day of March arrived, Keiji had no longer three patients to take care of, Mrs. Ogata had been discharged to go back to her family’s home in Iwate, by her own request, despite her condition. 

“It seems like we’re about to part ways, honey. You should come see me sometime! Come with your partner too so I can meet him.” She had a rather cheerful tone while making eyes at Keiji, to which he could just nod with a soft laugh “It’s beautiful up there, my house is by the Morioka Castle, they do lovely festivals there every year by August. I definitely want to spend my time there as long as I can, you never know when it's your last day, right?”

It had come as a surprise for him, but he understood the reasoning behind Mrs. Ogata’s decisions after talking to her about it. She had been wanting to spend time with her grandchildren and great-grandsons for a while, and figured she wanted to live outside the four falls of what was essentially a hospital room. How could Keiji not understand the meaning of that?

That evening, they parted ways under a solid promise from Keiji to visit Morioka someday.

And when Spring started to show itself, Keiji felt like he was able to make things work again between his work and his personal life,deciding on making his best to change what he considered he lacked.

When March came along, Keiji seemed to have come to the realization there was a little less than a month left for Kenma’s discharge. He had been so accustomed to this kind of routine that, even if he knew what they were working towards, it was hard to imagine his daily life without Kenma there. It was nostalgic, but a good kind, since Keiji wished nothing less than a normal life for him.

It had also occurred to him that he had never asked Kenma what was next for him, he had assumed that everything had been about the treatment ever since it started and was not actually aware of Kenma’s future plans. That evening in the library, Keiji had brought up the subject while Kenma occupied himself with some new books he acquired and a notepad.

“Any plans for this year?” Keiji had asked while looking himself fairly entertained by watching the other man’s meticulous work.

Kenma hadn’t raised his head nor looked at Keiji, but he could tell he had brightened up just by the question. Even if there was never much expression to Kenma’s face, Keiji could tell.

“Well… Hopefully, college.” Kenma had replied in a short sentence, as he wrote down the names of places that appeared in his book. “More or less.”

“Hm?, what do you mean by that?”

“I don’t really think a four-year long major is the right thing for me,” he started explaining, this time stopping what he was doing to go back on his notepad a few pages; only then Keiji noted the pictures stuck to the papers, along with a few notes behind it. “So I want to take a few semester courses some universities offer.” And after that, Kenma turned his notebook around and showed the first page to Keiji, portraying a few points in a bulleted list. 

“These are the requirements to apply. I have to put together a portfolio.”

“I see… That sounds really interesting.” Keiji added, looking through the point, most of them were just one line long sentences with only broad topics or technical requirements. “They don’t seem to be asking for specifics though, so remember not to overwork yourself.” Keiji advised while reading, keeping in mind Kenma’s wellness.

“No, it’s… It’s just a simple showcase. But I want to do it right.”

“That’s great then.” Keiji smiled. Going through the pages one by one, surprised to see the different sceneries in every picture. “I’ve never seen the pictures you take before, besides the ones from your journal.” He followed, amazed by the photographs.

“I’ve been going to different parks near the city on the weekends to take them.” Kenma explained. “But these are just the landscapes... I like the portraits better.”

“It seems like you have a theme in mind already.” Only then, Keiji looked at Kenma, with a rather curious look on his face. “Can I see them too?”

Kenma looked back at him, his expression looked rather troubled by this. “I don’t know if you would like them.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Some of them have you in it.” Kenma confessed, and Keiji was about to reply but refrained when he noticed he still had some things to explain. “And they’re not good enough.”

“Oh. But I don’t mind you taking pictures of me.” Keiji started in a rather calm voice, “Now… I don’t really know much about Photography, but these ones look really good. I’m guessing the portraits are just as good.”

“They’re not.” Kenma replied shortly. “I can’t take yours right.”

To that, Keiji now looked a little set back. He leaned on the table unconsciously, as if trying to read Kenma’s expression a little better, but found no response, so this time he decided to interfere “Is there something I can do to help?”

As if it had been an idea that never crossed his mind before, he looked back at Keiji like he found the solution. “Come with me.” Kenma had said in a spur of the moment and quickly averted his gaze when he realized it. 

It made Keiji smile. “To the parks you visit? Sure. Is this weekend okay?” Keiji had casually asked, to try and make Kenma’s embarrassment disappear. 

Kenma just nodded.

“Great, where are we going?” And to that question, Kenma took out his phone and looked for something. 

“Kinuta Park.”

News ran fast, and he was sure it wasn’t going to be long until he heard it right back from Kuroo himself, which happened around 11pm when Kejii was folding his clothes to leave it on the side table next to Kuroo’s bed while the other man was changing.

“So, I’ve been told by a very trustable source that you’re going on a date with a younger man this weekend.”

Keiji looked at him and rolled his eyes before sitting on the bed and Kuroo left the towel on the laundry basket after lazily drying his hair with it. “Did you really hear that from your source?”

“More or less.” Kuroo snickered, “I may have changed the wording, but the idea is there… Should I be worried?” He teased as he sat on the bed as well and pulled his legs up to cross them over it. 

“You should.” Keiji replied and got closer to him to lightly run his fingers through his black locks. “But about yourself. It’s not good to go to bed with your hair still wet.”

“Maybe if I get sick, nurse Akaashi will have to take care of me.” He teased with a grin. “It’s such a pain to blowdry it, do it for me.” He followed, tilting his head to Keijis’s touch.

With a sigh, Keiji stood up again and went to the bathroom to get the blowdry. He plugged near the nightstand and sat again on the bed, this time behind Kuroo, each leg to each side of his body. “Lower yourself.” He instructed and Kuroo obliged, resting the top of his back on Keiji’s chest. "Must be destiny that I fit so nicely here." He announced melodramatically with a dim laugh, Keiji just shook his head.

For a while there was nothing else but silence, Kuroo closed his eyes to relax in Keiji's touch while he meticulously dried his hair, running his fingers on his locks as he went over each one of them in soothing motions. 

Until Keiji's phone rang.

"At this hour..." He turned the blowdry off and left it on the bed, stretching his arm to get the phone while the other held Kuroo's side to make sure he didn't move. The name displayed on the screen did alarm him, and it must have shown in his body because Kuroo turned halfway to look at him.

"Hello?" 

"Kei-kun, it's been a while. Sorry to bother you this late!"

"It's okay, mom. Did something happen? For you to call at a time like this… "

"Oh, no, everyone's fine, don't worry! We're just in a bit of a pickle and wondered if you could help us."

"Of course. What is it?"

"The doctor got your sister a new medicine but we haven't been able to find any stock here so they told us we have to go all the way to Tokyo to get it. Could you bring it to her? She arrives tomorrow night so it should be fine to come by on Saturday."

"Saturday… Okay,"

"Is there a problem?"

"No, no. Let me just… Send me the details and I'll get it."

"Great, thank you so much, Keiji! How's it going there? Have you been eating properly? Kou-chan told me the other day that you don't cook anymore. Skipping meals is not healthy, you should know this since you're a nurse. Don't take advantage of Kou-chan's kindness."

"Mom, it's okay. Please don't listen to Bokuto-san, I have been eating properly. "

"I sure hope that is true, you have to be careful considering what you’re exposed to everyday. "

“I will keep it in mind, mom. Thanks.”

“Well then, we’ll be looking forward to seeing you on Saturday!”

And with a short pause, Keiji hanged up after her. 

"Is there something wrong?'

Instead of replying right away, Keiji left the phone on the bed and resumed blowdrying Kuroo's hair, using the slowest setting this time.

"They want me to get some medicine for my sister and bring it to her back home. She's pregnant so it's not good for her to come by herself. I… I'll just have to get it on my break tomorrow and go there at night, then come back Saturday morning so I can make it." And as he explained, he turned the device off again. 

"You're all set." Keiji followed and rested his head on Kuroo's shoulder. "Sorry I won't be able to meet you tomorrow after my shift’s over."

"That, or… Instead of working your ass off to get everywhere and not arriving on time, you could let someone with pharmaceutical knowledge and free time deliver the medicine for you."

"Kuroo, my parents' house is all the way to Chiba. "

"That's about three hours of driving I can take." He shrugged, "Would they be fine with me delivering it?"

"They would, but… Are you really doing this? It's not your responsibility, I can manage to do so."

To that, Kuroo rested his nape on Keiji's shoulder and turned to the side to leave a kiss on his neck. "Of course I am, Kei." He whispered against his skin.

Keiji kept silent for a moment and his arms wrapped around Kuroo's torso. He moved away just a little to find his lips and kissed him like he was holding something precious in his arms. Again, and again. Kuroo smiled in between kisses and leaned in.

"Well, you're all dry and set now. Let's give you the reward in advance." Keiji mumbled, smiling against Kuroo's cheek while his hands delivered purposeful strokes around his abdomen and lower body. "What do you think?"

A short giggle came out of Kuroo’s lips as he leaned closer to Keiji. His positive was in the form of a few more kisses and strokes up Keiji’s thighs. “I think I’m okay with it.” he whispered against his lips.

Keiji drew a small smile and his eyes fixed on him again. “Have you ever done something like this before?”

“Not really… But I like the idea of you being my first.”

And, as they took the time to make actions of what they couldn’t make words of, Keiji had the feeling that he belonged there.

Saturday morning, Keiji arrived Youga station with the whole intention to make the most out this day, even though the thought of Kuroo compromising his time for his sake still seemed like he was taking advantage of him, the older man had reminded him that he had offered to do so, and everything would turn out just fine.

Not long after arriving, Keiji received a message from Kenma along with a couple from Kenma’s mother, letting him know that the boy had traveled by himself there, to tell her he had arrived safely.

This surprised Keiji, but he was truthfully happy with the idea. This was one more step for his recovery and he had seemed to exceed everyone’s expectation at each step. He had pre-written a message for Mrs. Kozume, ready to hit sent by the time Kenma was within his sight. It wasn’t long until that anticipation became reality and he saw the blond man going through the gates.

“Keiji.” he called at the moment he saw him. A dim smile on his lips.

The park was rather empty when they arrived, both of them enjoying the scenery as they walked through the segmented paths. The most crowded part was by the cherry trees, which they both naturally avoided due to the light celebrations that were being held there among the numerous families that had arrived that day as time went by.

Kenma led then the way up to the area where a few bush columns were displaying all kinds of flowers, some of them reaching as far as the height of their hips. Kenma hadn’t told him where he would begin or what he would photograph, so Keiji didn’t really know how to act, he had been thinking way too much about the subject when he heard the camera shooter going off a couple of times behind him. Kenma had begun taking a couple of pictures of the flowers and of him; he smiled when he was caught by Keiji. 

“You seem anxious,” Kenma had replied before the other man could ask, as he lowered the camera to let it rest against his chest. “I want to capture you, Keiji. There’s no way you can get this wrong if you’re already you.” he added, as direct and honest as always, according to Keiji.

He laughed, nodding a few times. “I guess you’re right. I was just thinking now if I could do something like this smoothly enough to help you.”

“You’re helping me enough already.”

Keiji stopped and looked back at him. “Am I?... Hopefully this anxious me can be more portrayable.” he joked and started walking again.

Nevertheless, Kenma now seemed like he wanted to say something else about the matter. He refrained in the end, to Keiji’s disappointment. “It’s been way easier than trying to portray Oikawa-sensei.” he decided to say instead.

“Mh? How come?” Keiji asked while looking around behind the other man, to find a place to sit and chat with him.

Kenma didn’t reply right away, as though he was thinking of a way to portray the situation accurately. “He keeps… Changing.” he managed to explain, snapping a few more pictures on the process. “It's hard to find common ground on how to resume his character, even my notes are messed up when it comes to him.”

Even though Kenma seemed troubled by it, Keiji could understand perfectly what he was talking about. Even him, having known Oikawa for a long time, would find it hard to describe the man in just one sentence. “He's kind of a complex character despite first impressions, right?”

“Hm.” Kenma nodded once, agreeing with the statement.

An hour went by in a glimpse, just walking alongside each other and talking about different aspects of Kenma's vision for his portfolio. It wasn't until the younger man seemed quite interested in taking pictures of the pond nearby that Keiji went to sit in a gazebo nearby. He3 made sure to check once in a while where Kenma was, and if he had his cane around; it wasn’t inaccurate to say he was pretty pleased just to watch him being so invested in his photography. 

Keiji then was reminded of when he first met him; what kind of eyes he was looking at him with?, all the times in the past he felt like Kenma was missing out on stuff only the freedom of youth could allow. But in the present, he felt the corners of his lips perk up when he looked at him. Ffrom where Keiji was sitting, Kenma looked nothing different than any other young man spending his free time in something he's passionate about, being independent enough to do so and having all bets on his side. 

Keiji could easily say how far he had come, and how proud he was of him for it.

A ring of his phone caught him off guard. Although a message from his sister wasn't a surprise at all, the content of it was something far from expected. On his screen there was a picture of Kuroo and his father seemingly talking avidly over his dad's vinyl collection, attached to the message 'Dad says we're keeping him'.

Kanako was already well aware of what kind of relationship Kuroo and he shared, but he couldn’t begin to gather the bravery to tell his parents about his own preferences yet. Keiji could have guessed the two of them would bond over their particular taste in music, but he never thought of the possibility of Kuroo even getting to meet his family in this sort of way. He would have expected him to run the errand more mindlessly without involving himself in the matter; nonetheless, Kuroo was knowingly a social person, he should have guessed it didn't take much of him to gain some trust. 

“Good news?” Kenma asked as he took a seat in front of Keiji, leaving his cane leaned to the side of the table. This caught him off guard, since his first reaction was to lock his phone and raise his sight to meet Kenma's, as if he was hiding something. 

But he ended up laughing anyway in the end, softly, unbothered. “Something along those lines,” he admitted, unlocking his phone again and looking for the picture to show it to Kenma. “Your friend seems like he's getting along just fine with my father.” he explained as Kenma took the phone in his hand to look at the picture.

This time, Kenma laughed as well, softly. “I didn't know you two were at the point of meeting parents... Shouldn’t you be there as well for that?.” Kenma gave back the device and started revising the pictures he just had taken, deleting some, keeping some others.

“It's not like that,” Keiji shook his head, taking out of his bag a couple of food packages and soda cans he had bought before arriving at Kinuta Park. He left the different food options in the center of the table. “He was doing me a favor and delivering some medicine at my parents house. I didn't think he would actually figure out a way to get invited inside, much less to listen to my dad's album collection.” Keiji explained while offering Kenma some of the snacks he brought with him.

Only then Kenma looked up, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “Well, that's Kuro for you.” he said while leaving his camera on the table and turning it off. “He's… Always been like that. Ever since we were little, he was liked by everyone.” Kenma explained, leaving some gaps between speech as if he were remembering those times, “Especially teachers and all our classmates' parents. Since he was a top student and a good athlete, he was supposed to be somewhat like a role model for the rest of us normal humans.”

Keiji giggled at the idea, taking the can left after Kenma had chosen his. He opened it and took a sip, letting the warm liquid down in a quick motion. “That explains why you don't seem surprised at all. He sounds like he was an exhausting person to be around.”

“You're telling me.” Kenma quickly replied, quite amused. “But somehow… He learned to respect those kinds of boundaries over time, by the time we were in high school at least. My parents used to say that it was because he had a dead weight on him that made him calm down, that dead weight being me.” he added lightly, letting Keiji know that these were just jokes between families based on the years they had known each other and not something he was insulted by. He grabbed his phone and took a picture of the food mindlessly.“ What kind of person were you in high school, Keiji?”

The question took Keiji by surprise, looking somewhere far ahead in his memory of the times he was in high school. “I wasn't very different from now, I believe.” He replied in a doubtful tone, “I've always been more on the introvert side. And, since I knew what I wanted to do after high school, I took my studies very seriously… Of course, I had my very own Kuroo to weigh down from the endless source of energy they expelled.”

“You did?” Kenma asked, curious. He had his eyes on his phone and typed some things every now and then, but Keiji could tell he was attentively listening to him.

“Bokuto-san,” he mentioned. “My roommate, you met him at the Christmas party.” Keiji reminded him out of habit. 

“I remember.” Kenma had simply replied, and that sole sentence made Keiji hold his breath.

This wasn't six months ago, when he had to help Kenma follow a storyline every few sentences every time he talked to him, it wasn't six months ago when Kenma could not remember him on the bad days, or refuse to speak at all if he had trouble figuring out what he was doing at the Center in the first place. This was a new Kenma, this was the real Kenma, formerly hidden behind walls and walls of obstacles and condescendment. With only one sentence, Keiji could feel like the world was changing little by little, for the best.

“He and I were somewhat close. We were in the same club and he was a senior to me by a year, so he liked to tease me everyday about it until it became a habit to have him around.”

“I can definitely relate to that.”

“I guess we were not that different from each other back then either,” Keiji suggested while opening a bag of little mochi. “I definitely did not have the patience you have for Kuroo back then. I used to ask out club members to deal with Bokuto-san when he threw 'a fit'.”

“I can't even imagine Kuro throwing a fit. That would be hilarious, though.” Kenma laughed lightly, shaking his head side to side. ”He's an idiot, but he's a mature idiot so I didn't have that much to endure besides the spur-of-the-moment things he came up with, I think.“

Keiji put down the can on the table, a dim smile on his lips. “A mature idiot is a way of saying it.” Keiji agreed, rather fond of said thought.

Only then Kenma sighed, supporting both hands on the table to pull himself up. “It stinks of feelings up in here, get away from me.” he claimed teasingly while taking his cane along. “Time to go.” Kenma jadded, side-eyeing Keiji as he took one step forward to support some of his weight on it.

Keiji watched him do as he pleased, a little dumbfounded, only to laugh at the end when it became obvious that he was just mocking him. “Okay, okay. Sorry for having feelings towards that friend of yours. I’ll shut them down, come back.” he apologized in a rather amused tone. 

“I’m serious though. Keiji, you should go.” Kenma replied, portraying the kindest smile Keiji had ever seen him pull this time. It was a rare sight to see him smiling in the first place, so watching him look as doubtless about it felt like a nice change of pace “I already took the photos I needed from this place and from you.” he explained later.

Without moving a single inch, Keiji seemed to be conflicted about this reaction. Was that Kenma just being nice or he really meant what he said? “Kenma, it’s really okay. I want to be here today, it’s not just a favor, I like spending time with you.”

Kenma sighed again, but this time the tone was one he could tell Kenma was fond of him. Keiji asked himself if the two of them had been spending too much time together for Kenma to mimic some of his own gestures. “I know that.” the younger man started, “I know we’re friends and this is not a favor just for being your patient.” he took more steps forward, this time towards Keiji. He was barely using his cane. “But I already finished what I had in mind for today, I was just expecting to hang out with you for a bit but we really see each other everyday, don’t we?” 

And Keiji was ready to argue once more, but Kenma continued.

“Also, as your friend and as Kuro’s friend, it’s kinda my responsibility to see you two love birds be happy and all that lousy stuff. You should be with him right now.”

Keiji this time felt genuinely touched by the gesture and, even more, by him taking such things into account. It wasn’t that Kenma was an apathetic person to him, not at all, but Keiji had never considered him to be ‘Kuroo’s wingman’ or anything of the sorts for him to have this point of view. 

“Although I also see Kuroo everyday, don’t I?” Keiji argued, nonetheless.

“Does your family as well?” Kenma insisted, “What other opportunity are you going to have of introducing him to your family like this? I don’t think many.”

“Well... You make a very compelling argument, but… It really doesn’t bother you? I already had plans settled with you.”

Kenma, for once, smiled and shook his head lightly. “I’m not a kid, Keiji.”

And to that, Keiji only had one answer. He let out a small sigh and said “You’re not, indeed.”

The trip to Chiba by train took about two and a half hours from Youga Station. After seeing Kenma off and making sure that he both called his mother and promised to text him when he arrived home or if he had any troubles during the trip, he took off to his childhood home. 

“Kenma, write it down, please. I don’t want to panic at each and every station on the line until I find you if something happens.”

“I will, I will. What a bothersome nurse… I came here by myself just fine, didn’t I?”

After commuting between three different trains and a ten-minute walk from the station, he finally arrived home. 

What he found this time was quite a different situation. Both his mom and his sister were sitting on each side of the living room, avidly talking to Kuroo about some sort of medication equivalent her sister had been given a few months ago and how troublesome this had been for her condition given her pregnancy was multiple. Next to them, his dad seemed fairly interested in the conversation despite mindlessly looking at his book instead of their guest; this only with the purpose of catching exactly what was the level of knowledge Kuroo held in this matter. It was a very bad habit of his dad’s in Keiji’s opinion, to judge how much he would value keeping contact with this person in the future, for future reference.

The one who opened the door for Keiji was in fact Ryouta, his brother-in-law. “It’s good to see you here, Keiji. Otherwise mom and dad won’t let your friend leave anytime soon.” He had joked after letting him in and standing right next to him in the hall to watch Kuroo attempt to handle all the shots that were thrown at him.

Keiji, hiding the big smile that wanted so badly to reach hisface, stepped in and announced himself with a light knock on the wall. “I sure hope you are treating Kuroo-san nicely after tagging along for a few more hours than expected.” Keiji let out, mainly aimed at the two women sitting far from him. 

At the moment they catched a glance of him, he was received with pleasant surprise from everyone; everyone, except for one person: Kuroo.

“What are you doing here?” he had asked in a rather concerned tone, “Where’s Kenma?” He had asked, each question more worrisome than the last.

Keiji took a deep breath and, calmly as ever, replied “He was done with the pictures for his portfolio rather quickly, so he decided to go back home earlier. He got home safely and I took the train here right after that.” And maybe it was out of habit, but Keiji didn’t hesitate to make every part of the trip known in order to ease Kuroo’s concern as quickly as possible. Just as if he was giving a medical report at Haruyama.

Only then, Kuroo seemed to calm down again, giving him a very welcoming smile that was much more usual for Keiji to receive. At the same time, his mother seemed to catch interest in the conversation. “Is that Kuroo-san’s friend? He has been telling us about his amazing improvement ever since he got to Haruyama Center. ” She added, rather excited.

“It’s really all thanks to Keiji’s work with Kenma, along with his head doctor, that he had been able to come this far.” Kuroo added, giving him a silly grin before looking back at Keiji’s mother. 

Keiji seemed to hide a little embarrassment behind a light smile and only managed to sit in the free seat before his mother spoke again. “My Kei-chan is really something else, huh? Ever since he was little he had been just like that, a big brother to everyone else around him, even with Kanako who’s three years older.”

He was rather shy about all the praise he was getting from his mother, but he really did treasure every word, as confirmation of his parents’ approval on his career decision. “That is really nice of you to say, but this time I think Kenma is the one who gets the most recognition, he is a really strong kid.”

“I see what you mean, Akaashi-san,” Kuroo added right away, aimed to the woman sitting next to him “calling someone who’s barely two years younger than him a kid is really ‘big brother-ish’ of him.” Kuroo teased, responding with a mischievous grin to Keiji side-eyeing. 

And just with that, Keiji was glad he decided to come anyways.

It was just a few minutes later that Keiji excused himself and Kuroo to talk to him in private, feeling like he hadn’t had the time to address him properly for the whole evening.

His parents didn’t need to know, thought Keiji. Not knowing Kuroo was Keiji’s boyfriend meant they were able to spend quite a nice evening in what could only be compared to a family gathering. Keiji was quite pleased with how the day turned out.

  
His old room remained untouched, and Keiji made sure to lock the door before laying next to Kuroo, who had sat on the bed in a soft thump. The other man was cheerfully looking around the room at all the books organized on the shelf above, the pictures and diplomas over the walls and some of the small collection of CDs Keiji had from when he was in high school.

“Wow… You were quite the nerd, weren’t you?” Kuroo teased while looking at Keiji’s high school diploma. He was in the 8th place of his generation.

“You’re one to talk.” Keiji teased right back, “I was recently told you were at the top of your class by a very trustable source.”

Kuroo looked back at him and snorted, quite amused “That snitch… I was really cool and popular despite being a nerd, I’ll have you know.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Keiji replied, simply, honestly.

And at that response, Kuroo stopped and clicked his tongue before leaning to his side, laying a kiss on his lips. “Are you that fond of me already?” he teased.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kuroo-san” Keiji replied, wrapping his arms around his neck to go in for a slower, more affectionate kiss. When they parted, Keiji remained close, almost touching foreheads with the other man. “Thank you for doing this.”

“It’s no problem. Your family was really nice to me.” He whispered because of the closeness.

“You are really nice to me, it’s only fair… Tetsurou.” Keiji said, cupping Kuroo’s face in between his palms. 

“Tetsurou? Are we finally on a first name basis?” Kuroo asked while raising his eyebrows in both surprise and amusement.

“I just feel like calling your name.” And what a wonderful feeling it was, Keiji thought. 

To fall for someone like this.

  
When the sun went down, Kuroo offered to give him a ride home as they announced their parting, they said their goodbyes and went back to Tokyo. During the trip, Keiji just let himself fall into a comfortable position, leaning against the car door while looking at the street lights as they went past them and the less common view of Kuroo driving next to him. At some point, the other man caught him staring and just laughed as he took Keiji’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Things like these, moments like these, sometimes felt like peaceful dreams Keiji didn’t want to wake up from.

But it caught him off-guard.

Just as fast as dreams go by, by the time a very particular comment left Kuroo’s mouth, his ended.

“You really did surprise me today, Kei. I never thought you would leave Kenma by himself just like that.“ Kuroo had commented while looking straight ahead. His voice was rather casual, but Keiji could tell there was more to it than just a mindless comment. Over the months he had known this person, he had come accustomed to his way of slipping down concerns as light jokes.

That small, minimum splinter went straight for his heart once again. The old familiar awkwardness made him let go of Kuroo’s hand. “It wasn’t like that.”

Startled by the motion, Kuroo gave a short look at him. “Well, you’re here, aren’t you?” Kuroo teased, shrugging his shoulders in a light motion. “It’s okay, I’m not rubbing it in your face, it was just a little surprising at first. For a second I thought I'd have to take the car and speedrace back to Tokyo.”

“I would never have left knowing it could affect him in any way, Kuroo. I’m not that irresponsible.”

“I’m not saying you are! It just caught me by surprise. You know he’s trying his best but it’s still dangerous to let him go by himself like that. He could fall or get lost...”

“He was perfectly safe, that’s why I decided to come anyways.”

This time, Kuroo shook his head, “Okay, sure. I get that, but honestly... Kei, let’s be real, don’t you think it was a little unnecessary given the situation? I mean, in the end my trip here was kind of pointless if you were coming anyways, wasn’t it?”

And these words were quite a shock for Keiji, followed by a hint of disappointment “It’s truly a shame you think spending time with my family is pointless.”

“C’mon, I don’t mean that…” he argued, rather annoyed, “I’m talking about the ways things were settled in the first place. I wasn’t expecting you to just change your mind just like that.”

But Keiji felt hurt this time, quite at a loss of words. “If this is what you thought of it, then I was in the wrong coming here.”

And the silence that remained was a complete opposite from the one he had been experimenting just a few minutes ago; it was no longer just mindlessly enjoying each other’s company, this one was loud, tense, almost unbearable. 

It was around Koto city that Kuroo decided to get off the highway and stop next to a rather empty residential area. The seatbelts retreated as he stopped the car, and his gaze went straight for the empty road, rather than Keiji. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Kei.” he had said just after taking a deep breath. 

Keiji thought about the words he conveyed. Even if they were not ill intentioned by nature, the tone he had set it in allowed it to be partly hostile. “What I mean is that I might have misunderstood the purpose of this trip. I came here to have a pleasant time with you and my family. I did not leave Kenma to rush here, nor did I break my promise with him by doing it.”

Kuroo let out a rather sarcastic laugh, hitting the rim of the steering wheel with his forearm as he rested it there. “I’m not saying that you ditch that guy to come here, I’m just saying it was quite careless to cut short the day you had planned with him, especially since I came here to take care of that in your place.”

Even though Keiji could assume those words were intended to justify his thoughts, it was both shocking and a little hurtful to imagine the immediate connotation of them. A low blow on Kuroo’s behalf. “Kuroo… Did you really come here as a favor to me?”

Suddenly Kuroo seemed to be in disbelief of what he was being asked. He let out a bitter laugh and asked “Who's sister was the one I brought the medicine to?”

Keiji massaged his temples, feeling hesitation in trying to explain himself. After a short while, he explained again “That’s not what I mean. I’m not talking about the fact that you came here, I’m talking about the reason behind it. Kuroo… Was it because you didn’t want me to be exhausted and taking the toll today or was it because you didn’t want Kenma to be disappointed by the change of plans?”

“Isn’t it both? I just wanted to help you guys out, how come I’m the bad guy here?”

“You’re not, I’m not saying you are… Let’s just leave it, okay? I don’t think we’re getting anywhere with this. Please forget I mentioned it.”

But this time Kuroo wasn’t having it; it was as if it had ignited some unknown light of exasperation, or rather, that Keiji touched a sensitive topic, managing to get on his nerves. “What’s the big deal... Why does it bother you so much? I’m lost here, Kei. What’s wrong with wanting to help my friend and my boyfriend? If anything, you’re well-aware of Kenma’s condition, it’s normal for me to worry about him like this.”

“I know it is.” Keiji replied, of course he knew, it had always been the root of his insecurities to know just how much Kuroo cared for Kenma, even beyond his condition. “But he’s not a kid anymore, Kuroo. And both, you and I have to stop treating him as if he was.” he had added in the spur of the moment. As much as Kuroo, Keiji had realized the same day just how different Kenma was from the one he met last year, and part of the respect towards his patients was to treat them the way they deserved. “Do you know why I came here? It wasn’t my idea, it was Kenma’s. He insisted that I should be with you at the very first time you met my family because things like these don’t happen everyday.”

But he could tell Kuroo belittled said argument as it was some sort of theory Keiji suddenly had tried to state as a fact. “Of course he would say that, Akaashi. He’s too good of a person and surely felt like a bother to you, you should know better than that already.” At each word, Keiji could feel like he was getting a step farther away from understandment, one step away from logic and one further to the emotional rollercoaster that were his feelings towards all of this. He needed to remain calm if he wanted this to work.

“Better than not to trust his words, Kuroo?” He asked, quite worried.

“No. Better than thinking what he wants is what he needs.” Kuroo replied, annoyed. “Look, this has happened to me before, though I didn’t think it would happen with you as well… This is not the first time someone I’m with thinks that I worry too much about that guy. I don’t know if it’s jealousy or whatever but you should stop, for your own sake. Kenma is a dear friend to me, he is someone that I will be beside for as long as I can and what many times he needs me, because that is what friends do. If you can’t understand that either, then...”

Didn’t he know that already?, Keiji thought. When he first told Kuroo that he loved him, it was with this thought in mind. That he could never be a priority but a support towards what Kuroo held dear to his heart. 

Shouldn’t he be content with being Kuroo’s first option when it came to dating after being rejected by Kenma? He couldn’t possibly compare six months of dating to years and years of friendship. He shouldn’t take it personally, he should put himself in Kuroo’s shoes.

But, before he realized, said shoes no longer fit. And it wasn’t right, and it wasn’t okay anymore. With an eerie feeling coming from inside him, with the agitation of firsts and lasts times, Keiji knew.

It wasn’t enough.

It didn’t matter if it was first, second or third option, because no matter how he looked at it, he was still just that, an option. Someone who was ultimately as replaceable as all of Kuroo’s former lovers. Kenma was a must, Keiji was an option.

He would never make Kuroo decide between Kenma and him, Keiji didn’t want that in the first place. What he truly wanted was to matter just a little more, maybe be somewhere as dear to his heart as Kenma was.

‘Then what?’, Keiji felt tempted to ask, but the words that came out of his mouth were different. Calm as ever, he replied. “I understand. I’ve always understood that, Kuroo.” he confessed, letting out a sigh before opening the car door. Deep breath, one that would help him compose and not react in a way that could trouble the other man. “But, as it turns out, some things matter to me much more than I intended them to. I need to be alone right now, I’m sorry.” he apologized as he got out of the car. “Thanks for today. Have a safe trip home.”

“Akaashi, wait-!”

But Keiji didn’t. He closed the door and kept walking. Towards nothing or anything, just far away from that car and the person inside it. He hurried his steps until he was lost in the darkness of the streets, and stopped only when he reached a dead-end road. 

He looked behind him as he heard a car going down the road, but before he could even stop turning, the car went past him. 

It hurt.

With a sigh, Keiji took his phone and dialed a very familiar number to him. “... Bokuto-san? Sorry to bother you this late. I… I need a ride home.”

When Sunday arrived, Keiji was at a crossroads of what to do. His head hurt and what he wanted was nothing more than going back to normal. On one hand he knew walking away the night before was the right decision, he wouldn’t have forgiven himself if he would end up saying something he would later regret. But, on the other hand, he wanted his peace back. He had always known that it was a sensitive subject, so bringing it up in the first place was a rather bad move. 

In the end, he wanted Kuroo, even if that meant he would have to make peace with what seemed to hurt so much the day before. His relationship so far had been everything Keiji could ask for, Kuroo was not a selfish person by any means, and he would always find a way to make Keiji feel better, even on bad days. Kuroo was a mature person, he knew about his rights and dues, and would never step over his limits when Keiji set them. He was also a rather affectionate person, someone who loved like they did in period films, to the point it would be sometimes a joke between them how Kuroo behaved of what people called ‘a true gentlemen’. He was all those things and more, so why couldn’t Keiji let that go for good?

He wouldn’t ever find anyone who loved him like Kuroo, so why risk such a wonderful relationship?

Wasn't that what he wanted?

With this thought in mind, his day set off in conflict with himself. He had talked with Bokuto about it, but the explanation he gave was rather vague, not wanting to involve yet another person in this matter. In the end, the only person that could decide what was best for this relationship was no one but the two of them.

So he decided that, even when hesitating as much as he was, he would set things into motion and confront the situation for good. That night Keiji visited Kuroo’s apartment.

“We should talk.” He said when Kuroo opened the door, pushing down his scarf to make his voice clearer.

“We should.” Kuroo replied, and moved aside to let him come in. Keiji entered the room and took off his shoes at the entrance, while he heard the door close and immediately two arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’m sorry.” He heard Kuroo whisper, feeling his lips brush against his shoulder. “I was rude to you last night, I shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

“I’m sorry too.” Keiji replied after a long silence, with a rather relieved expression. But before he could say anything else, Kuroo continued, “I just lost it out of worry, you know how I get when it’s about him...” 

Keiji was naive sometimes. He was about to think things would work out in the end when he got to a breaking point with just a few words. 

It’s never going to change, is it?, he thought.

With a sigh, he took the arms that embraced him and carefully took them off him. He took a few steps forward as he tried to compose himself once more. Slowly, he turned around and gazed at the figure of the man he loved, who was waiting for an explanation. 

“I know.” Keiji admitted, “I know how much he means to you, and how much you mean to him.”

With a tired smile that hid just all of the things he would rather let go, he looked at Kuroo. If he didn’t have feelings as strong as they were to that man, he would let go. But it was, it was him. Just like that, he knew things were not going back the way they were, ever again.

“And since I know that...” Keiji sighed. His chest hurt, but he had to get these words out once and for all. “I don’t want to be your first option.”

  
____

  
Keiji arrived at Haruyama on time the next day for work. 

He would act as if nothing had happened, because that was the bare minimum of his duty as a nurse. He no longer responded to Kenma’s questions involving his relationship with Kuroo and instead led them to another subject, since he didn’t want to disturb him with a break up. He would rather show a smile every time he talked to his patients, and he would attentively listen to Kenma’s stories on his portfolio and how excited he was to finish it as soon as possible to submit it. Keiji was never more proud of his friend’s progress, after all. 

Thankfully, Kenma never caught on things like the eyebags on Keiji’s eyes, or the times he would turn around to hide his eyes suddenly getting blurry out of nowhere when he felt he was about to break. He could manage, Keiji thought, and was fairly proud of himself too for that.

When 4PM came around, Keiji would excuse himself and take every break like he was supposed to. He would come back every once in a while to check on Kenma’s schedule and health, but he would make sure to restrain himself from being anything but kind towards Kuroo despite everything. Kuroo couldn’t even look at him in the eye, even when trying his best to mask the pain.

It was little after a week since the break up, right in the middle of April that Oikawa called him into his office right after performing Kenma’s latest check up. There were about three weeks left for his discharge from the center, and Keiji assumed this would be about the final preparations before letting him go. Little did he know, Oikawa had other concerns in mind.

“What’s wrong?” the doctor had asked while closing the door behind Keiji. “Tell me what happened.” 

Keiji found himself quite helpless to come up with excuses on the spot, due to the unexpected question. “I’m afraid I’m not following you, Oikawa-san.”

Oikawa snorted, rolling his eyes in disbelief. “You’re years too late for that, Kei-chan... Did he do something to you?”

Right at that moment, Keiji shook his head as if he was trying to cover for him, though there were no sins to be called or lies to be told. “He didn’t, and it’s not something you should be concerned about.”

Taking a few steps to Keiji, Oikawa seemed fixed on every gesture Keiji could do. It was a habit of his to analyze, sometimes overanalyze kinesthetic language. “I’m concerned about you. You’re barely getting any sleep and taking all your breaks this week. You never do that... If you wanted to hide something from me you should have kept in mind that I’m just that great of a doctor.”

There were more than one reason as to why Keiji thought Oikawa was right about wanting to hide how he felt, from a logical point of view. But the truth was that he did not care who found out about his lack of sleep or changed behaviour apart from his patients and their families. He could not be bothered, nor did he think someone would care enough to put attention on such details, much less the staff at the Center. Every single one of them had their own lives to run, and being a health worker was per se a thought job to cope with, therefore, it was nothing unusual.

Nonetheless, at some point, he was relieved. It was a rather wishful thought, but he knew, having someone to care enough to find peculiarity on such things. “It’s really nothing.” Keiji insisted with a sigh, pointless at this point.

“Kei-chan...”

“Could you please not call me that?” Keiji asked, and his voice finally broke. It was hurtful, too close to the memory of a nickname he was trying to forget. Afraid of the consequences, he hurried to look away from Oikawa, “Now, if you’ll excuse me...”

Nonetheless, he didn’t go anywhere. His motions were to turn around and leave, but an embrace around his body stopped him from moving any further. Before he knew it, he was shoved against Oikawa’s chest, and held onto it in a rather protective way.

Keiji felt like crying... So he did, at last.

“I decided to break up with him.” Keiji spoke in a soft, broken voice, “He really did nothing...” He tried to explain, while his hands grabbed onto the other man’s shirt with a weak grip.

“That’s hard to believe.” Oikawa said in an uncommonly calm tone. “Keiji, we’ve known each other for how long now?... We even went out for three years and not once I saw you cry.” He explained as one of his hands lightly stroked Keiji’s hair. “Now this one has you for a few months and you’re like this…”

Keiji didn’t know what to reply, it was in part true that he wasn’t one to succumb to showing feelings that easily, but he truly didn’t know who was at fault there. Sometimes it was him, sometimes it was both. Ultimately, he had recognized he knew at any given moment what he was getting into, even when he would never have hoped for an outcome like this. 

So he said nothing for the time being. He just let himself cry in the solitude of that office, he let himself look vulnerable in front of someone who had nothing to do with the situation, because this time, he couldn’t help it. “I overstepped...” Keiji whispered, too ashamed to even raise his head.

And luckily, Oikawa said nothing about it. He just let Keiji cry, and made sure to hold him while he felt like his world was falling apart.

  
One day came after another, and sooner than later, Keiji could find ways to cope with all of the weight he was taking from the breakup. It wasn’t easy or fast, but he repeatedly told himself that he could manage, that he was strong enough to do so. And eventually, he started to believe it.

Nonetheless, life had many ways of showing itself short of agreement. Long time ago, his grandmother taught him a rather pessimistic but convenient saying that could easily describe to ten-year-old Keiji why they had to move away to a smaller house outside the city when his father’s business shut down and he was fired.

‘When it rains, it pours’, she said back then; and how Keiji had remembered her when, shortly after, rain came pouring upon their lives before Kenma’s dischargement.

It started with unusual headaches by Friday night, that seemed to repeat themselves over the day and last more and more each time. This was followed by a constant loss of balance and finally, the inability to walk properly by the third day. 

Upon performing numerous tests, the examinations were lapidary: Kenma’s tumor was starting to grow at an alarming pace.

Two weeks before his ‘official’ discharge, Kenma left the Center on a wheelchair, to have performed an emergency craniotomy on him that same night. It remained a shock for everyone involved in his treatment to see how easily fate had a change of plans for this young patient. Everyone, including Kenma’s parents and a very dear friend of his, were shocked to their core.

No one informed Keiji of the situation up until Monday. Given that the worsening of his condition was over the weekend and the craniotomy performed that Sunday night, the nurse had to find out upon arriving at work by midday how the situation had evolved. And for once, his work didn’t matter anymore. 

Begging the night nurse to give him one more hour, Keiji ran to the hospital, barely knowing how to get his way there and dialing a number on the way. 

“It’s been a rough day, Kei-chan.”

He was told by the very hoarse and noticeably exhausted voice of the doctor. Oikawa explained to him that Kenma’s surgery had ended at about ten in the morning, lasting about seven hours, to which Kenma had to remain awake for a big amount of them in order to make sure they didn’t damage any functional tissue. The craniotomy had been successful but he still had about a crucial forty-eight hour period in intensive care in order to make sure no complications were drawn from this very invasive surgery. Oikawa was brief about details, since he still had to go about some documents and test requests for the specimen they had removed. To what Keiji could, of course, understand and not take anymore of his time, thanking him before hanging up.

Upon arriving, He found Kenma’s parents talking to a doctor he didn’t know on the other side of the door of the ICU that remained closed for anyone but their patients’ direct relatives. Outside, sitting at the side of the waiting room, a man with black hair and tousled clothes remained looking at the floor, indifferent to everything that surrounded him. His forearms resting on his thighs and his hands firmly clenching each other, while fidgeting nervously.

Kuroo barely raised his head when Keiji came closer to him. He didn’t look at the nurse, but whispered. “Go away.”

Keiji ignored the request, so he insisted. “Are you fucking deaf? Go away!”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kuroo.”

Neither of them could say another word before a hand grabbed each arm and took them out the room to the emergency stairs next to the waiting room. 

“I understand your worry but this is a hospital, you cannot behave like this, much less in a place where people need as much rest as they can get. Please have respect for the patients and their families.”

Kuroo had released himself from the grab immediately, while Keiji took time to watch the person who had pulled them out. The owner of that sore voice, Oikawa Tooru remained in front of him, dark eye bags under his eyes, and sleeves folded up his elbows. He was not wearing his white coat, but his hospital credential remained hanging from the pocket of his shirt. 

“Oikawa-san. Thank you so much for your work.” Keiji had managed to say while making a polite bow towards him, to which Kuroo had clicked his tongue.

“Why are you acting so concerned right now? Isn’t this what you wanted?” Kuroo asked after looking at the grateful gesture towards the doctor, “You have the nerve to come hear after what happened to Kenma… What are you even doing here? What are you to Kenma to have the fucking nerve of coming here...?”

Keiji then was reminded of a few months back, when Kenma’s mother asked him personally to let Kuroo see Kenma despite not being a relative, because he was a very dear friend of them.

“I’m his friend, Kuroo. I came as soon as I found out what happened.”

“His friend…” Kuroo laughed in disbelief, “You’re a goddamn hypocrite, Keiji... Your fucking jealousy worked quite right, didn’t it? So don’t pretend you’re worried about Kenma now. Did you two plan for this, did you do something to his pills or-”

The small room went quiet after Kuroo’s side hit the wall. One of his hands were supporting himself on the surface, while the other covered his nose, only to find drips of blood rolling down his palm and onto the ground. Keiji remained shocked while watching both of the men involved. Oikawa unclenched his fist a few moments after the hit.

“You’re upset, I get it. You’re annoyed, it hurts and you’re taking it out on Keiji of all people because you know he won’t talk back and will forgive you no matter what. One thing is being upset because of a breaking up, but don't ever dare to question his or my principles towards our work. We do whatever we can to pursue our patients’ wellness, and to think you’re doubting Keiji’s intentions after everything he has done for the kid, just because of that… Please think better of your words and reasoning, Kuroo-san. I won’t allow for any of this nonsense to happen again.”

With a sigh, Oikawa turned around, patted Keiji’s shoulder a few times and, with just that, he left.

“Fuck it...” Keiji heard the other man whisper again, letting himself slide down the wall and onto the floor. “Fuck all of this...” he repeated, choking on his own words. “... What did he ever do to deserve this...?”

Keiji took a few steps forward and dropped to his knees, in between Kuroo’s legs. He grabbed the man’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. Kuroo didn’t respond this time, nor backed away. He just sat there, being held by the nurse. And in about a few moments, he broke into crying.

“...I’m sorry… Kei...” he heard in between sobs, the other man’s arms weakly starting to embrace him back. “I’m so sorry…. I’m… I… I’m so scared… I know you didn’t...”

“I know.” Keiji replied, taking a deep breath to calmly comfort the man in his arms. “I’m scared too. But...” Keiji’s voice was serious, soft and secure at the same time. “But Kenma is strong… Stronger than all of us. He’s going to be okay. Even better than okay, I think. He never ceases to surprise us, does he?” Keiji asked and Kuroo couldn’t reply this time, he tried to talk but his words were once more choke down under sobs and cries.

After much needed time, Keiji helped Kuroo get up and took him to get cured, making sure it was nothing more than a swollen nose and bruising. “Oikawa-san went a little overboard with it...” Keiji said while lightly pressing a cold can of soda against one of his cheeks. Kuroo looked up and blurted a small snort “A little...? Well, who am I to talk about going overboard...”

Keiji just shook his head and let go a relieved sigh. “Hold this. I’m going to talk to Kenma’s parents, I have to get back to work after that… I’ll come back as soon as my shift’s over, okay? Please go home and rest for a while, Kuroo.”

“You know I won’t.”

Keiji sighed again, “Then... Can I bring you anything? Do you need me to contact your work and explain the situation?”

“No, no… Go to work, nothing of that is necessary, I’m okay… Kind of.” he corrected, pointing at his face with his free hand. 

“I’ll be back.” Keiji promised, nonetheless.

Upon talking to Kenma’s parents, Keiji made sure to check on Kuroo one last time before leaving the hospital. Just as he said, he came back to work, taking care of his usual tasks through the day, concern never leaving his mind. It felt quite lonely and silent, the whole day without Kenma made him realize how his everyday would be from there on until it was decided for him to come back or go home.

A task that was quite painful for the nurse was to check on the room every now and then, only to be reminded that there wasn’t someone to check up on the inside. He finished his shift with no eventualities. At 8pm he was going out of Haruyama Center checking on his time. He hurried back home with only necessary items before leaving again, this time heading to Kuroo’s apartment.

He knocked a few times with no response whatsoever, only then using his own key to enter. Immediately, he was welcomed with light purrs and rubs against his calves. He greeted Koma and made sure to both fill his water, his food bowl, and clean after the feline. After taking care of the pet, he followed with the rest of the apartment, and didn’t think twice about it until he left the place spotless. At last, he chose an outfit more comfortable than working clothes for Kuroo and packed them along with many small food recipients he had brought along in a backpack.

He left the apartment without thinking about the hurtful memories, or how he had swore once never to come back.

He arrived at the hospital at about 9.30PM, and found once again the man sitting next to the older couple in the waiting room. Keiji was glad this time he came prepared, handing to each one of them a cup of tea he bought at the entrance. 

“You shouldn’t have, Akaashi-kun” Kenma’s mother had told him, upon thanking him for the tea. Keiji just smiled dimly and shook his head. “It’s really no problem, Kozume-san. I was worried you wouldn’t have eaten anything today while waiting.” he added while taking a few plastic packages with store bought onigiris and roasted soybeans. “Please have them, especially if you’re spending the night.”

The couple looked both grateful and surprised by the offering, accepting the packages nonetheless while bowing. “We’re really blessed that our kid has such wonderful friends, aren’t we, dear?” She added, and her husband nodded along. 

“Your Kenma has really been a dear friend to me, it’s the least I can do. If there’s anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to let me know, or call me if I’m not around, I will make sure to be of use.”

After exchanging a few words about Kenma’s health, Keiji got to know a few more details about the surgery, like who had performed it along with Oikawa, how had it happened and what was there to be expected after the three weeks he had to remain at the hospital. He had found out as well that Kenma’s parents decided to take him back home and hire a home nurse, afraid they would not get a second chance of being with his kid as soon as he needed them. Keiji could understand the concern, taking especially into account that they barely got to the hospital before they performed the operation on him.

He only decided to sit next to Kuroo and talk to him after the couple was called again to check on Kenma’s hospitalization papers. He tried to be as careful as possible when he talked, “There’s more food in the bag, if you want some” he started, resting the bag on the sit between the,, “there’s also a change of clothes if you want to change, and another one if you decide to head to work, although I don’t advise it if you plan to stay for the night.”

Kuroo turned to look at Keiji with an almost blank expression, he was too tired to even add a few comments along the lines of what Keiji was saying. He just pulled a rather bitter smile on his face and bowed his head as to thank him. And with that, Keiji sighed in relief, resting just then his back on the chair and letting his eyes get lost in the white walls of the waiting room and the aisle in front of him. 

“I hope me intruding into your apartment wasn’t much of a nuisance, I still had the key.”

“It wasn’t, don’t worry about it.”

“Do you want it back? I was going to leave it there when I left but I figured you might not have the time to take care of Koma and...”

Just at that moment, Kuroo opened his eyes wide, as if he had come to a sudden realization. “Koma…!”

Out of habit, Keiji patted the other man’s thigh with ease and added “He’s okay, don’t worry.” Only to notice after what he had just done. He retreated his hand immediately. “I… Can take care of him, if you’re okay with that. You can come get it to my apartment when you’re ready to take him back, or I can tell Bokuto-san to drop him off at your place instead...”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

Kuroo didn’t reply, only giving him an eye sight to let him know it was obvious what he was referring to.

Keiji smiled dimly, as if his answer was as obvious as Kuroo’s. “Because I love you.” He said, without looking at him. “We’re no longer a couple, and I can’t tell you it doesn’t hurt anymore, but love doesn’t go away once you break up. I… I owe at least this much to both of you. You might not know this, but both of you really saved me back then.”

____

A year back, life was quite different for Akaashi Keiji. He would start his day by making sure his uniform was properly ironed from the night before. He would take a quick shower and use the rest of the time on his hands to make both breakfast and some kind of simple food that he could keep in the fridge for the rest of the week. He would briefly hear about Bokuto’s job and see him off. Later, there was nothing but silence after that, waiting around for the hours to hit the time Keiji had to go to work.

Being at Haruyama Center was both a relief and an issue at the same time; Keiji grabbed onto the feeling of being useful, and his job made sure to fill the void that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to fill on his own in the much hated spare time he has on his hands.

Keiji would never take breaks, he would never stop making himself as useful as he could. There were few moments that he felt truly alive, and his job —“his call”, as he named it—, was one of them.

When the hit mark stepped over 8PM, he would rather push it until the night nurse announced that his shift was over. He would handover and fill her up with the day’s highlights and then leave.

The trip home would be as silent as the morning, surrounded with people trying to commute and get to their own places, he would feel just as alone. When he got home, he would make sure to clean the apartment, take a bath and get his uniform ready for the next day. Then, Keiji would grab something to eat if he knew Bokuto was coming, if not, he would have whatever he had leftover in the fridge.

Keiji would brush his teeth, set an alarm for the next day and go to sleep.

Everyday, without delay, he would follow the same routine. And it would be a lie to say that he hadn’t thought, from time to time, if it would make any difference if he just wasn’t there to follow it anymore. 

He was just one of many; and whatever space he filled would be soon covered up by another person, which made it feel all pointless in the end.

He knew some issues were settling within him, that he could either learn to cope with the emptiness by himself or seek for other kinds of help, because no one would fill that void if he didn’t do it himself first.

Except someone did.

It started on a cloudy day in the middle of September, a new patient arrived at the Haruyama Caring Center, a twenty-three year old boy who had been in various rehabilitation and nursing facilities since the age of nineteen. A boy who, little by little, started to fill up his day and make his thoughts about loneliness go away.

The young man would make every day new with stories and questions. With small notes on his pads and amusing comments about their day to day life, without knowing, Keiji had been looking forward to each day.

Then came along something else, something Keiji didn’t quite know how to address, much less expected to find. Although he failed to recognize the emotion that related to in the beginning, gradually this set of new feelings became nothing but care. And it wasn’t long until, one rather appalling night heading to a home that wasn’t his own, Keiji found exactly what and whom he wanted to protect. 

Kenma and Kuroo… They did not ‘fix him’ but, without knowing, they gave him a place to belong; the warmth of that place was ultimately what gave Keiji the strength to heal himself.

And even months later when Kuroo teased him about how Keiji had become fond of Kenma and him, he would just smile and shrug off the subject. Because, how could he tell him? How could he find the courage to confess that both of them had saved him? 

  
_____

As the days went by, Keiji’s routine seemed to be more mechanical than anything else. After the first two days, Kenma was moved to a private room and was successfully discharged from intensive care. He would still not have allowed visits except from his parents, but as they and Oikawa told him, Kenma was pretty much out because of the painkillers and other medicine for the most part of the day to have any other visits. 

It wasn’t until the end of the first week that doctors allowed for non-relative to stop by, but unfortunately for Keiji, the schedule didn't allow him to visit due to his work shifts. 

During that time Keiji made sure to make himself useful for Kenma’s parents and Kuroo. He would answer all of the inquiries surrounding a surgery that he could help with, and made sure they weren’t putting their own health at risk for the long periods of time they remained at the hospital. 

He also made sure not to be a nuisance for Kuroo. He would usually go to the other man’s home once a day in the morning, to make sure he wouldn’t bump into him, even though he was fully aware of every visit. He would leave a few dishes for the week and make sure Koma had enough food. If he didn’t, he would buy some more along with groceries Kuroo might need and leave them there. Despite his offering of taking care of the feline, he decided that it was for the best that the cat remained with Kuroo, they would make each other a very much needed company.

Lastly, Keiji would leave a small note with the stuff he had brought or things that needed to be taken care of by Kuroo personally. He would always end the note with a serious ‘Please take care.’ 

It was the beginning of second week since Kenma’s surgery when he got a message back, right at the counter he used to leave his. 

  
‘I am. You don’t have to anymore. Thank you.’

Keiji thought for a while before coming up with a response, leaving it right at the same usual place.

‘You’re welcome, but I’ll keep coming here as long as I can be useful for you. This is my way of helping, since Kenma is no longer my patient. I’m glad to read you are starting to take care of yourself properly.’

  
…

  
‘Have you always been this stubborn?’

‘I believe I’ve always been able to carry my point across despite opposition.’

…

  
‘I guess that’s true. Don’t overwork yourself either.’

‘I’m making sure to take care of my health too. I’d be a hypocrite otherwise.’

  
…

  
‘Last night dinner was really good. You’re getting better at cooking.’

‘I’m glad you liked it. I’m using some of the recipes of the blogs you always talk about, most of them are too hard for me to handle yet though. I left some snacks on the counter for Koma to try, if there’s none when you get here, then it was a success. There’s more stored with his food.’

...

‘I’m happy to announce that your snacks were a complete success with our audience. I gave him a few more when I got here and now he’s all lovey-dovey with me for more. It’s really true that a way to a man’s heart is his stomach.’

‘Make sure not to give him more than what it says on the packaging, we’re trying to take care of everyone’s condition here. ’

...

  
‘I will try to control myself from exchanging food for affection. Kenma says he misses you. He wanted to call you but he didn’t know if he would disturb you at work. You should visit him sometime.’

‘I’m afraid I can’t. Visiting hours are during my shift and I’m taking in two more patients this week. I’ll make sure to contact him though, thank you for passing the message.’

...

‘I also miss you, Kei.’

‘I miss you too.’

  
…

  
Keiji left his shoes next to the step and entered the place, looking around for the cat who always greeted him when he opened the door. “Koma… I’m here.” he announced while carrying the bags to the kitchen. Just as he was heading there, the figure of the man standing in front of him while holding a small piece of paper between his fingers stopped him from moving forward.

“If you wanted to see me too, you could have said so.” Kuroo said, showing the piece of paper in the air before leaving it on the counter. Keiji sighed and resumed with his usual tasks, greeting a rather sleepy Koma who was resting on the couch. He left a few pets on his head. “I thought that was implicit.” He explained later, while leaving the two small bags over the counter. “Have you been taking care of yourself properly, Kuroo-san?” he asked, finally raising his head to look at him. 

Kuroo smiled mildly and crossed his arms over his chest. “I have. It’s been easy since all I do these days is going from place to place and eating the food that’s been made for me.” 

“I’m glad I was able to help in some way, then.” Keiji smiled in return for a few moments before taking a deep breath and moving along. “I didn’t know you were going to be here at this time, I’m sorry for intruding.”

“You didn’t... Shift change.” he added.

“Oh… That’s right, I didn’t recall that.” Keiji corrected himself, looking back at the bags on the counter.

“I wanted to thank you for these weeks. It really helped me out a lot. I would have said it earlier, but I didn’t know if you were okay with seeing me.”

“It’s really nothing, I offered to do all these things.” Keiji replied with a rather calm tone. “Besides, this… Mail situation was something I found myself looking forward to, believe it or not.”

“I can relate to that.” Kuroo agreed with a nod and a small grin. “But today I’ll get to give you my message in person.” Kuroo announced with a smile.

“Then I’ll get to reply to you in person as well.”

The other man walked in front of him, and said “I love you too. You might… Not believe me, but-”

Right at that moment, Keijii touched Kuroo’s hand to stop that train of thought. “I have never doubted that, Kuroo. You have showed it to me countless times, I have no reason to doubt your love towards me.”

This time, Kuroo seemed in discomfiture. “Then… All those things you said, they weren’t…?”

“That was never about you not loving me. It was about us not being in a place where a relationship was the right choice, I think.”

“That’s… Quite different from what I expected.” Kuroo confessed, more in hesitation at each word. “I was actually about to make a point on how I never faked my feelings towards you, but I guess I misunderstood the situation.”

“It’s… Okay. I might not have expressed myself well back then. I was not at my best moment either.” Keiji replied, letting his hand fall to the side again. He recalled what happened back then in Koto, or even the fight they had at Kuroo’s apartment “I should have had a proper conversation with you about this before, I’m sorry.”

“Well, it might as well have been for the best. I wouldn’t know how to deal with all of that right now... When we started I thought it would be okay to just let things happen, but I think that’s just hopeful thinking on my part, kinda naive.” Kuroo confessed, rubbing his own shoulder as he was trying to convey his words, “When you’re with someone… You definitely carry a part of that person’s luggage. Want it or not, you end up involving them in your own burdens, right? It was careless of me not to think of that as it was happening, but I really had no intention of making you feel as if you were not someone important to me.” he explained, looking into Keiji’s eyes with nothing but honesty.

“I know, now.” Keiji admitted, “Before, I had been thinking about it, and even though it felt quite foolish on my part to think that way, in the end that would affect my own perception of our relationship as well. I thought I should be supporting you more on things that were heavy on you, or that you cared about the most, but then I realized the way I was doing it was hurting me as well. In the end... ” Keiji sighed, “Kuro, I don’t need a name or a tag in our relationship to care for you or try to protect you. I told you that I love you before, and I’ll love you no matter what, so... If I took away what made our relationship hard to bear, so I could actually be much better at doing those things.” Keiji finally explained. It was hard for him to admit that the romantic side of their relationship was what affected his final decisions and thoughts, but at the same time, he could tell that had been a burden for Kuroo as well.

“Life’s hard, isn’t it?” Kuroo teased, both relieved and just a little exhausted. “Things like love… Care, need… The line is pretty thin around all of them. I wish I could sort myself out in each one, but I guess it’s better to start late than ever.” He later admitted, “I’m a man so the breakup took a hit on my pride, but I still think you made the right call in the end by doing it.”

“You are a great man, Kuroo; I think your pride should be able to recover.” Keiji comforted him, “This is one of the things that I like about you the most. Apart from that incident, I’ve… Never felt like we were not on the same side.”

Kuroo made an expression that let him know he recalled that awful moment outside of the waiting room, and how much shame it still brang him. “It was us against the problem and not against each other, was it?”

“It still is.” Keiji corrected, patting lightly on one of his forearms.

Kuroo looked up at the touch and smiled, this time, back at Keiji. It would be a long process of healing, but he could finally recognize again the man he loved in front of him. With a sigh, Kuroo asked “So, as the best of friends that we could begin to be, can I ask you for a hug?”

He smiled lightly and nodded. Without the feel of adding anything else, he walked towards the other man and embraced him in a warm hug. As Kuroo’s arms surrounded his own, lips softly pressed against his forehead. 

Keiji got the feeling everything was truly going to be okay from then on.

  
The week after, the nurse finally got the opportunity to take a day off by making use of his administrative days, which meant he finally got the opportunity to visit Kenma. Upon contacting him through a few short messages, Kenma seemed to be rather excited to meet again, to which Keiji could absolutely relate, but at the same time feeling a little anxious by the other man’s insistence on telling him something.

He had let Kenma’s parents into his former room a few days before to collect his things before setting the room for the next patient, and ever since that moment Keiji had been not thinking too much about it every time he visited said room. It still felt lonely, but this time he didn’t have this feeling of longing surrounding him, he was going to meet Kenma again by the end of the week, after all. 

He had woken up especially early that day just to mentally prepare himself to face his former patient. He was happy to see him again, but also worried he was going to let out his own emotions as soon as he saw him. Keiji wasn’t one to commonly display much emotion, but given it was someone as close to his heart as Kenma, it was hard not to make a fuss about the fact that he was okay and recovering.

“You took too long, Keiji.” Kenma has complained in a rather light tone, while side-eyeing him from his bed. “I told Kuroo to drag you here before I kicked the bucket but he didn’t find it funny. I thought it was hilarious.”

Keiji shook his head with a rather fond smile on his face. “I’m sorry, it took me a while to get everything settled before taking a day off. How have you been feeling?” He asked as he walked closer to the bed. Nearby there were a few flowers addressed to him along with a few other mandatory charms and gifts for a person in medical recovery. Keiji decided his favorite one was a jar full of very small paper cranes of different colors.

Kenma shrugged lightly and focused again on the muted tv. “The painkillers cover most of the aches, so I can’t complain much about that.” He started, in more of a teasing tone, “Just a few small headaches once in a while but Oikawa-sensei said that was normal because of the pressure they applied in my head.” He explained softly, pacing every sentence but connecting it without much trouble.

At the mention of the surgery, Keiji fixed his eyes on the shaved part of Kenma’s head. He had a very visible scar going from the top of his left temple down to behind his ear. The rest of his hair was tied in a half ponytail. “Well, you’re still halfway through your recovery, you should be expecting them to cease soon. Don’t worry.” Keiji said in a rather encouraging tone, to which Kenma just smiled. “He told me the same thing.” Kenma added, turning to Keiji to point at his temple. “At least I got a cool scar out of it.”

Keiji this time looked at it in more detail, it was still red and healing slowly, but he gave no sign of worry in his expression, contrary to every person that had visited Kenma who wasn’t a medical worker. “You look even more rebellious with it.”

The younger man snorted, “You think I can pass for a Yakuza?”

Keiji laughed softly “I think there are better ways to stop people from talking to you.”

“I’m sure there’s not many, but if there is one, this one sure comes as a close second.”

Keiji this time nodded, letting Kenma get away with the teasing. “I guess so.”

“Hey, Keiji. Look at this” Kenma added shortly, grabbing a few papers on the table next to his bed and handing them to the nurse.

Keiji took them and started to read the content with a rather confused expression on his face, one that suddenly turned into surprise and excitement altogether. “This… You got accepted?”

“Two of my three options, one even offered me a scholarship when they found out about ‘my situation’.” Kenma explained, making quotes with his hands to emphasize the last part. “It’s too bad I won’t be able to use it.”

“What?... What do you mean?”

“Well I… Just had surgery on my brain, Keiji. I’m not exactly in my best condition to study.” Kenma explained, as if the reason behind it was a given.

“Kenma, you will recover from this. In a week you will be good to go home and then a few months of recovery will put you back on track. This is for next semester, right? That’s August, you will be long back on your feet by that time.”

“Yeah but… I mean, I don’t think my parents are taking any risks and stuff. They even pull me out again from another Center. It’s only back home from here.”

“It’s not. Kenma… You haven’t lost any opportunities. If anything, what you have lost is the one thing that was a threat for your future plans. You already know how it works, this is something that you always have to have in check with doctors, but that doesn’t mean you went a step back or that you don’t get to live your life anymore. You’re more than capable of doing this.”

Kenma seemed dumbfounded; as if no one had even put back the cards on the table after the risk of the surgery. “You think… I can...?” Kenma looked at him with the most hopeful eyes he had ever seen.

“Do your parents know about the scholarship?”

“They don’t, haven’t… I mean, of course they know about the acceptance letters, they brought them to me, but I don’t think they‘re expecting me to take a chance on them. I don’t want to make them worry...” He said, lowering his gaze out of habit.

Just at that moment, Keiji took Kenma’s hand, pressing lightly his knuckles to gain his attention. “It’s admirable that even in this situation you are thinking of them, Kenma. It really is.” Keiji told him, openly expressing the pride he took on the younger man. “But you have to live for yourself. Parents, they… They will worry about you no matter what for the rest of your life, that is what parents do. They love and care for you; but... You know? They cannot live your life for you. They will be happy if you are happy… Will you be happy if you let this opportunity go by without even trying first?”

“I-...” Kenma’s eyes were wide open at the explanation. He had been looking at Keiji as if he was the one who told the news instead of him, and without any further restraint, he watched as small tears dropped down the other man’s cheeks, up to a dim smile forming on his lips. “I won’t.” He admitted, squeezing back lightly on Keiji’s hand. “.. Damn it, Keiji, why are you always right? I was okay with becoming a human skein or something like that.”

To that, a smile formed on his face as well “I’m afraid I can’t let that happen.” Keiji said warm and amused, as he softly stroked Kenma’s hand. “But it isn’t me this time; I just want the best for a very stubborn friend of mine, who I know won’t quit that easily on his dreams.”

A short knock on the door interrupted them just before a familiar face showed up in the room, portraying a well-known grin. “Huh? Calling Kenma stubborn, you should look at yourself in the harsh cold mirror of truth, Akaashi Keiji-san.”

Keiji turned his face to look at the man who had just arrived and calmly replied, “As much of a pain in the ass as always, Kuroo-san.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt your hand-holding moment, but I was told I would receive some news today so no can do.”

“So… You haven’t told him?” Keiji turned back to look at Kenma, who said nothing and, instead, he grabbed the acceptance paper and raised them in the air to emphasize it. “I got into college, join the cry party.” he announced, to which Keiji just laughed and nodded along, “Although, now that I think about it, it may not be good news for you, Kuro. If I know anything about this guy by now, is that he would rather carry me in his pocket and drag me around places than letting me step outside home by myself.”

Keiji had side-eyed at Kuroo, who just rolled his eyes. “You’d be in a very safe place if I were to do that, just so you know.” he said while getting closer to the bed, “now come here so I can give you the most painful congratulatory hug you’ve ever received.”

“...Keiji, save me.”

Kenma’s dischargement from the hospital came along without eventualities, and soon enough, Keiji started to look forward to every text and voice message he got from him. They would often engage into conversation during Keiji’s breaks, only stopping whenever Keiji had something he needed to attend to at said time or Kenma was forced out of his house to ‘breath real air’ according to what he told the nurse. It was a change of pace, undoubtedly, but Keiji got to take a liking to such exchanges, even more than those times Kenma was at the center, because it meant Kenma would have more freedom than ever. He would make sure to visit him when he was free on weekends and remind him to take it easy.

When the end of May came along, Keiji was surprised with an even more unexpected visit. He almost couldn’t believe it when both Kuroo and Kenma showed up by 4PM to invite him to the café at the end of the street on his break. Even more, weeks after that, he would still find Kuroo waiting for him outside Haruyama when his shift was over. Sometimes they would walk up to the station to talk and catch up, other times Kuroo would bring his car along and give him a ride home. Little by little, the friendship that once thought lost, slowly came back to him.

‘I’m moving to Miyagi. We’re holding some sort of farewell party this Saturday. It would mean a lot to me if you could attend.’

Was the message he received one Thursday night as he was collecting his belongings after his shift was over. He stared at the screen for a while, and when he got his senses back to him, quickly replied about how soon the news came to him, he just received back a simple ‘Ask Kuro.’

“Yeah, it was quite a shock for me too, I only found out about it yesterday.” Kuroo had explained when they were on their way back to Keiji’s apartment. Despite the weather being mildly warm, the night sky had been portrayed dark clouds and unstopping rain ever since that morning, “Apparently they kept it a secret until everything was covered and ready. He said he didn’t want to tell you in person because you would definitely make him cry out of nowhere.” he added, a little amused despite the melancholic tone.

“I… Kinda get that. Kenma doesn’t like to deal with complex feelings and things like that. It’s okay that he didn’t, I would probably have cried to. I’m glad they invited me to their farewell party though.” Keiji had said while leaning against the door while watching the night lights before them. He sighed, “I’m surely going to miss him… Did he say why they were moving?”

Kuroo looked at him for a short while and smiled. “You didn’t read the letters? The college that offered the scholarship is Tohoku, in Sendai. His parents wanted to spend more time with him and managed to get transferred there. Since living outside Tokyo is way cheaper than anything else, they will no longer have to make overtime in order to pay for extra medical expenses, so it’s a win for everyone.” he explained.

Keiji looked at him and just produced a small ‘oh’, after averting his eyes again. “I guess I was too excited to even notice that. He did talk a lot about Miyagi scenery when he got into Photography, now that you mention it, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that he wanted to go there… It’s good to know everything managed to work in the end for them… ‘Be happy and don’t tell anyone about it.’, my grandmother used to say.” Keiji added in the end, portraying a small smile towards the news he had ust received.

“Yeah, he has always been fond of those kinds of places, countryfields, mountains… Anything that’s not the city, basically.” He shrugged with a grin, “He was never allowed to take school trips with the rest of the class or stay far from the city in case of any emergency, so I guess that’s part of his liking towards them as well.” Kuroo turned at the end of the street and Keiji could see the building he lived in from there. “I’m going to miss him too, but what can you do? The little ones grow up so fast, Keiji-kun” He teased, using a raspy voice and old accent. 

“So… You’re not...”

“Hm?” Kuroo looked at him just after stopping in front of the building. “... Going with them? I’m going to be honest, that did cross my mind but… You know? I think that guy will do just fine without me there. I think this is a step he has to take by himself…” He replied, fondly this time. “I’ll be taking a few things to help them move in and settle down at their new house, so I guess we’re not seeing each other until next week after the party.”

Keiji was no longer hiding the surprise on his face, but remained silent until then, just listening to the way Kuroo was taking the situation. “Take good care of them.” He finally replied with a rather kind tone “It still feels odd that I will not be able to see him anymore after they leave.”

“Hm? He will invite you there after they settle down though, you will have to keep more promises and visit him.” Kuroo announced with a melodic tone.

“I will most certainly do that as soon as I have time on my hands. I hope you will be kind enough to take me there if I pay for gas, Kuroo-san.”

“That’s more like the Keiji I know, I’ll gladly be your taxi there. We can be annoying and visit together, let’s bring along Lev too, since apparently those guys are now friends.”

Keiji just nodded once and laughed softly, “Let’s.” he said and opened the car door. “As always, thank you for the ride home, especially in this weather.”

Keiji was about to exit the car when he felt the other man’s hand grab him and pull him back in. When Keiji turned to meet his eyes, Kuroo handed him an umbrella. “You forgot this.” he announced in a rather mocking tone.

“Thank you.” Keiji smiled and grabbed the object, just above Kuroo’s hand. 

And just as the light spark of the past had been lit once, it came flaming by leaps and bounds again with just one touch. Kuroo’s lips tasted like seasonal sweets, just as he expected them to.

_'More than anything, right now, I want to be with you.'_

Keiji would hold onto those words far into the future, words that were easily conveyed, but not easily meant. They never made promises about the future, nor did they agree on compromises; but they loved each other, and ultimately, nothing mattered more than having the ones you love by your side.

On a rainy day by the end of May, Keiji took Kuroo back.

  
By the time June arrived, so did Kenma’s farewell party; a date in which Keiji got to meet many of his relatives, along with some former high school classmates and friends. It was a surprise for him also to find out Kenma wasn’t relaying on his cane as much as before, due to his improvement in recent kinesiologist appointments, but still brought it along everywhere without anyone having to remind him that he still needed it. Somehow, that sole image made Keiji smile to himself.

It was by the end of the party, Kenma had asked him to step outside, to run away from all the noise coming from the living room. Keiji found himself in a very well decorated backyard, full of different flowers and a small terrace next to it. “There’s something I want to show you...” Kenma had said while sitting on the wooden step of the house. Keiji sat right next to him. 

“What is it?” he asked, but Kenma did not reply; instead, he handed over a small notebook Keiji could recognize almost instantly. One that had a black pen with a cat figurine attached to it. Kenma’s first journal at Haruyama Center.

“Is… Is it okay for me to read this, Kenma?” Keiji looked at him, rather worried of stepping into something too personal.

“You have always been so open with me,” Kenma replied, without giving it much thought, “I thought I should do the same.” 

“There’s a page bookmarked.” He instructed, and when Keiji opened it, he read:

 ~~Keiji~~ Akaashi Keiji  
The nurse that comes here on weekdays.  
His eyes are an odd color.  
I guess we call each other by our first names now.  
Bold?   
More like, he’s very straight forward.  
He stares.  
I don’t know if he’s annoying.  
He reminds me of my mom when she nags me about taking my pills.  
He left when I said I didn’t feel like talking.  
He’s not annoying, but too stubborn.  
His hometown is Tateyama.  
We both like northern prefectures rather than southern.  
My parents told me he’s the one letting Kuro in so often, doesn’t he trust this stranger too much? My mom signed for it as always but still, please care for my well-being, Nurse Keiji. He could be dangerous for all you know!  
We talked about PSP games for like three hours.  
He told Kuro to stay out when he started annoying me about high school days and wouldn’t shut up, I like him.  
Keiji hugged me today when the crisis stopped. I didn’t particularly hate it but.  
He’s too much like a mom sometimes, seriously.  
He’s a good person.  
Likes nanohana, like an old man.  
I don’t know how but he managed to convince Kuro and bring Nekoma here, they even got him inside the center. This nurse Keiji is crazy.   
The pen I’m using from now on is the one Keiji got me for my birthday. It’s nice.

  
There were many more things written along, but Keiji found himself repeatedly reading the words ‘he’s a good person’, underlined a few times.

  
“It’s… Really sweet that you thought of me that way, Kenma.” Keiji said, looking up at him after reading the first page.

Kenma thought about it for a while, but ended up replying with a simple “I only write things I’m either sure about or I feel strong enough at the moment.” he explained, “It was also a first for me that you were so open with me about everything.”

To that, Keiji could understand the situation better. Haruyama wasn’t Kenma’s first caring center, and much less Kenma’s first time dealing with nurses; he could tell he hadn’t had the best encounters or understandment with them, according to his own condition. “Back then I thought… I was just so surprised you were brought to a place like that, I wanted to help you get your life back.” Keiji confessed, tracing back to last September, “But… I feel like in the end you were not dotted enough as a patient though, since we became friends very fast. I do apologize for that.”

“Not enough?... Did you read how many times I wrote the word ‘mom’, right?” Kenma teased, leaning on Keiji’s shoulder. “Thank you for everything, Keiji. When we see each other again, I will be someone you will be proud of.”

“I cannot be more proud of you already, Kenma.” he answered in a soft and calm voice; calm as ever, calm as always.

When July came along, a lot of things were outside Keiji and Bokuto’s apartment, along with a rather annoyed Bokuto standing on the door, refusing to help during Keiji’s own moving out day. Kuroo had just laughed at patted his shoulder every time he came back in to get more boxes. Keiji had been trying to talk him out of his bad mood, reassuring him that he would still come by every once in a while to visit Bokuto, or that he was invited to go to Kuroo’s apartment any time he wanted to; but the man seemed rather set on the mind of showing his disapproval. 

“Bokuto-san, I will move right back at the first sight of Kuroo being a pain in the ass again, don’t worry.” Keiji had said jokingly, though his expression didn’t show any sign of it being a joke.

“You better! And I will not be as forgiving as the doctor guy if that ever happens!” Bokuto had stated after, to which Keiji just shook his head and kept on the task of taking boxes to Kuroo’s car. “Take good care of Akaashi, ya’ hear me, Rooster head?!”

“I hear you loud and clear, noisy owl. Especially loud so shut it down, okay?” And despite the teasing and mocking punches they threw to one another in a rather silly way, he knew Kuroo had taken that ‘warning’ to heart.

It was by August that Keiji could finally take his much deserved two weeks of vacation; which they didn’t hesitate to take as a ‘perfect excuse to annoy Kenma together’. Without a specific destination beside the weekend they promised to stay at Kenma's, Kuroo and him decided to enjoy their holidays in a rather worriless way. They would stop by any small town that seemed nice to them, take a few days to visit the tourist spots and onsen, and then move on their trip to Sendai. Once back, that way of freedom seemed to be what suited Keiji and Kuroo the most.

Upon finding that Kenma was adjusting just fine to his college life, Kuroo would immediately tease him about going back to school, to which Kenma just replied with utter indifference towards Kuroo’s presence and focused solely on Keiji.

He would later show them around town, which just was as Keiji expected, a quiet neighbourhood full of big old-style houses, farms and mountains up to where their eyes could reach. A quiet place that suited Kenma's quiet personality.

But far from many findings, to rest assured that Kenma was living just as he wanted to was the best news he could have hoped for. Kenma was happy, and that was all that mattered.

On their way back, Keiji asked for one last place to stop before going back to Tokyo; a rather small town called Morioka, in Iwate.

He made sure to inspect the way and ask Kuroo to stop at the neighbourhood next to Morioka Castle. They left the car and started walking around, sightseeing, until Keiji found the name plate he was looking for.

“Akaashi-san?... Oh my god, welcome! It’s nice to see you again, come on in!” they were invited by a middle-aged woman with short hair tied in a ponytail. “It’s been so long.”

“Thank you, you too. Sorry for the intrusion. We… We were visiting nearby and wondered about Irie-san. She told me her hometown was beautiful and she was most definitely not lying.” Keiji had added, excusing himself before entering the house along with his boyfriend.

“Please, have a seat!” the woman invited them once they reached the tatami room, adorned with traditional style furniture. “Yes, my mom always loved this place more than anything, she grew up in this house, even, so she treasured this place the most. It’s really full of memories of her...”

And to the tone, Keiji’s smile dropped. He was sure it could just have been a matter of speech, but he sensed there was way more to her soft and melancholic expression than what she could convey with words. “I see...” Keiji replied, kindly taking a dim smile again, feeling a pressure against his chest this time.

“Akaashi-san, we’re really glad you took the time to visit just as she told you, she would be very glad to see you again, I’m sure, but… Unfortunately, she left us a few months ago.”

Full of memories, that place was. Even after receiving the news, Keiji could still find many ways to remind himself of her. It was in the many stories they shared along the evening, or the way Mrs.Ogata’s daughter smiled with her eyes in the same way as her mother. 

They were allowed not long after to pay their respects and burn some incense for her right next to her picture. When Keiji pulled his hands apart from the final prayer, Kuroo looked at him, and with just a soft gesture he hid the sole tear that was rolling down his face. 

They said their goodbyes and thanked her for her time with a few gifts Keiji had brought along. They left by the time the nearby stores were starting to hang festival lanterns over their gates.

“Do you mind if we make another stop? I’ve been asking for so many things today.” Keiji asked once they reached the main street. 

Kuroo just shook his hand and mindlessly took Keiji’s hand. “You haven’t, stop worrying about things like that. I can tell she was very important for you” he had replied, and Keiji pressed softly between his fingers to intertwine them, without worrying about the people around or anyone besides the two of them.

“She was. She was such a sweet woman… Remember those Ichinoseki mochi? She always made their family bring some for me when they came to visit her... ” he explained as they took the dirt road towards Morioka Castle. The park was quiet despite festival preparations not far from there. “I… It’s really a shame of me that I wasn’t able to keep my promise.”

Just then, Kuroo squeezed Keiji’s hand lightly. “You kept it, Keiji. This was the place she loved the most, wasn’t it? I’m sure she would spend her time here even if she’s no longer physically with us. People never die if you keep them in your heart and memories.”

Keiji gave a fond sigh and nodded as they slowly walked along. He knew there was nothing he could possibly do about it anymore, but the weight of her passing and the promise before parting was something Keiji wouldn’t be able to let go right away. 

By the time they catched a glimpse of the castle, both decided to sit on a bench underneath a big maple tree. He never let go of his hand. “Keiji, it’s okay.” he heard from his boyfriend again, and soon enough a kiss was placed on his knuckles. “You don’t have to think of it as if you miss your chance. Rather than that... If she was here today, what would you say?” he asked, calming and comforting, as only Kuroo could make him feel.

After a while, Keiji let go of Kuroo’s hand, he stood up and took a few steps forward. His eyes were aimed to the blue sky, between the branches and mildly orange leaves she once had described to him.

Taking a deep breath, he said: “Ogata-san, I’m sorry for not getting here on time, but I’m finally here. This is my boyfriend, Kuroo Tetsurou. He’s… Most definitely a keeper. And I’m going to cherish him for as long as I can.”

* * *

A way.


	2. Author's Afternotes

I’m glad you made it here.

Ahh, after a long, long time, I was finally able to deliver to you this story. Thank you so much for giving it a chance.

Many things happened along the way; it was 2016 when I first started writing it, and since then I had dropped every attempt of writing until now. It took me a while to get here, and many people who helped me along the way.

Back in 2019, it took it more ‘seriously’, and was definitely sure I would finish this story, but just as 2020 arrived, so did the most difficult episode of my own life. ‘Don’t fall sick writing’, someone told me along the way, and it wasn’t because of it, but I fell into depression for a long while. Just today I’m able to tell you all that I made it through, just a few days after I finished my last box of antidepressants. 

It was a long ride, but I’m grateful I was able to walk through it.

The theme of this fanfic is often portrayed as one to reach readers and trigger emotions, but my approach towards it was intended for a different purpose. Before this, I had never suffered from a mental illness, but after being through it, I thought for sure I wanted to get my point across with this story.

Though it’s tagged as ‘romance’, the main topic of this story is love, in its many ways, towards others and towards yourself. I tried to make every character portray their own way of viewing life, and how others helped or changed them along the way.

Fear is truly the root of failure.

The ailment described in this story never had a name because, even though I tried to inform myself as much as I could of these matters, in the end I’m not a medical worker, nor am I an expert on the matter. Furthermore, English is a self-taught language for me, so it was difficult to express everything as accurate as I wanted it to be.

In this story not many things changed from start to finish, but I hope between these lines you find the value behind words and actions. I’ve never liked “happy ever afters”, since they’re not realistic, but I’m sure to always leave “hopeful ever afters”.

If all of these words were worth your time, then I have truly accomplished something here, haven’t I?

I want to thank all the people who helped me beta along the way: Mocch, Jamie, Kyou, Xev and Caitlin. Thank you for your time helping me! Also, thank you for listening to me ramble about this story for many, many years.

Also, I want to thank all the people who supported me with kind comments when I decided to stop publishing until I finished the story, you truly motivate me to finish it.

And last (but never least), thank you for reading this story, it means a lot to me.

  
Now! Leaving the emotive topics behind, I do have some ideas for after-stories that I’m not sure about sharing, despite having them all planned out. Let me know if you are interested in any of these for me to write in the future:

— Kenma’s after story: It takes place in Miyagi. Kenma is now a college student who’s trying to find his way. Along the way, he meets a boy working in the fields along the road, with hair as bright as the sun. This young man ends up being Kenma’s muse for many of his future assignments.

— Kuroo’s after story: From the times Keiji and him started living together, told from Kuroo’s perspective. Just a short portrayal of this couple’s everyday life.

— Yamaguchi’s story: Wait, wait, hold on…. Yamaguchi??? Well, did you notice Oikawa talking about a patient to Akaashi at some point? Away used to be a side-story to the main Tsukkiyama timeline. Though I don’t intend to follow through with the whole fanfic any longer, I feel like I owe Yamaguchi and Tsukki this short after story.

— Oikawa’s after story: This is the most controversial one, since I have strong opinions and decisions for this one. Settled five to ten years after the main story, Keiji and Tooru get together once more and are planning to spend their life together after Tooru’s proposal. This story follows topics such as the view of surrogacy in Japan and homoparental families, as well as Keiji’s past relationship with Kuroo and his present life with Tooru and the daughter they have together.

  
And that’s it for today!

As a thank you (and parting) gift, I made a [Youtube playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAhGVTMAqHqm1K1TskN0FZWldlrdXZc0R) with all of the songs that inspired me or reminded me of this story. Every song is explained in the description, hope you enjoy it!

—symphonia


End file.
